Friday, November 23, 2012

Nurse The Hate: Hola Buenos Aires

  It would have been a very sedate Thanksgiving if not for the Galaxy of Wagers.  I followed through on my plan to "swing for the fucking fences" and put a monsterous sum of money on the three team tease I mentioned Wednesday.  When you talk about risk taking behavior, this ranks right up there.  But as you know with great risk comes great reward.  As an insurance bet, I also placed what seemed to be a small, but in the harsh light of morning now appears insane bet on the Houston Texans on the money line.  I was quite pleased with the outcome of that early game, despite what can only be referred to as "soul searching moments" as they traded missed field goals in OT.  I can't recall being that uptight during midafternoon on Thanksgiving.  It all came together though.  The later games were laughers, and I'm now sitting on my airfare to Argentina. 

  Now I only have to memorize phrases like "Disculpa. No sé cómo al tango. ¿Te importa hacer el Robot?".  This means "Excuse me.  I do not know how to do the tango.  Would you care to do The Robot?'.  I will also need to know "Pido disculpas por perder el control de mis entrañas. ¿Alguien me lleve a mi hotel?" which of course means "I apologize for losing control of my bowels.  Can someone carry me to my hotel?".  Maybe I should memorize "El gitano me robó el pasaporte." meaning "The gypsy stole my passport.".  There will be plenty of time on the flight.

 This trip will be in sharp contrast to many of my international jaunts.  I have lived a life where I have found myself doing numerous border crossings with Leo which has led to me jotting these phrases in my travel journal for quick and easy reference.
-  "Das sind nicht meine. Das sind Leos. Nimm mich an die amerikanische Botschaft." (German)
-  "Ce ne sont pas la mienne. Ce sont de Léo. Prenez-moi à l'ambassade américaine." (French)
-  "Die zijn niet van mij. Dat zijn Leo's. Breng me naar de Amerikaanse ambassade." (Dutch)
-  "Horiek ez dira nirea. Dutenek Leo-en. Take me American Enbaxadako." (Basque)

  This means "Those are not mine.  Those are Leo's.  Take me to the American Embassy.".  This is a much more useful phrase to know in a variety of languages than "Where is the bathroom?" or "What time is it?".  This is the phrase you need when guys in uniforms with automatic weapons are screaming for "your papers" and tearing apart your luggage.  You don't need to know where a bathroom is then, only how to distance yourself from the careless evil leprachaun with vague understanding of Euro drug laws that circumstance placed you next to in the van.  "Him?  He is a stranger to me.  I am an American businessman.  Please take me to my Embassy."

 I don't really know too much about Buenos Aires except what I have seen on Travel TV and stories from friends that live there.  I do know it is Summer there now and that is good.  They make great Malbec wine and that is good.  They tango, are into soccer, and Robert Duvall has a place there which is also good.  People stopped disappearing from police death squads and that is really good.  I am traveling there on crazy gambling winnings and that is really really good.



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