Saturday, November 17, 2012

Nurse the Hate: Victory Is At Hand

This week I am going to get after it.  The key last week was to recognize that I was going to lose going into it with my suicidal Jets play.  I limited my losses as best I could, but yet there was something satisfying about leaping into the fires screaming out curses to the Gods.  We all get what we deserve and in this case I certainly did.  A good old fashioned ass kicking.

I am about as cold as I have ever been picking football games.  This is when those with a weak stomach would put their tail between their legs and go home.  Not me though.  I will march ahead into the brave unknown with a sense of confidence that has absolutely no basis in reality.  This morning I believe that the Gods will right my path.  It has been a very tough few weeks.  There is a peak and valley to things though.  Things do turn around.  They will turn around this week, and I invite you to share in the spoils.

(I would like to take just a quick moment to point out that I don’t believe any of the last statement either.  If I am ice cold going into the week, why would it turn now?  There is no reason to believe I haven’t bottomed out.  In fact, this may only be the beginning of an even worse slide.  Who knows?  I’ve been cooped up in a windowless recording studio totally shutoff from the planet for days.  I have no idea of what is going on with the world.  The only thing I know is that I have to knock out a shitload of vocals this morning or we are going to fall horribly behind schedule on this new record.  Do you think I have any insight on these games?  Hell no!  I just figured out who was playing who about ten minutes ago.  Doesn’t matter though.  I am in for the entire ride.  No matter how turbulent things get, the natural order will prevail.  Always.)

When West Virginia got into the Big 12, everyone bought into the fact that their Air Raid offense and lightning quick players would make them a monster team.  They had looked awesome in the Big East, so moving into this higher profile conference would only show more of America who they were as a program.  Well, it turns out that the guys in the Big 12 are pretty fucking fast too.  It also turns out that the Big East isn’t really a good gauge of how you will fare in the Big 12.  It turns out the Big East kinda sucks.  It turns out facing these big time football programs of the Big 12 week after week is a real issue.

This week West Virginia faces Oklahoma at home.  I have a soft spot for West Virginia.  There are lots of good people there that don’t have much to get excited about other than WVU sports and hoping they win the lottery.  Good folks.  I don’t bet with my heart though.  There has been no evidence that West Virginia is capable of beating an elite Big 12 team, so I don’t see why it will happen today.  They are 2-7 against the spread with the sole bright spot a win against what turned out to be a subpar Texas team.  West Virginia can’t stop anybody.  This tends to be a problem in football.  However, they can score points.  I am going to do something stupid and tease OK-4.5 and OVER 67.5.

I love to bet on teams that The Public hates.  It’s especially good when these teams play a team that The Public loves.  Dare I say I spot a perfect storm on Sunday when the shaky Dallas Cowboys take on the always terrible Cleveland Browns in Dallas?  Dallas is not very good.  You think they are, but they aren’t.  You know why you think they are?  Because they get so much media coverage you think Dez Bryant is as good as Larry Fitzgerald, when it turns out that he’s only as good as Dez Bryant.  If Jerry Jones mutters something under his breath, ESPN runs with it as the lead story on SportsCenter for two days.  It makes Dallas seem like a big deal when all they are is a .500 franchise.  Meanwhile, there probably isn’t anyone outside of the NE Ohio area that can name more than three Cleveland Browns. 

This game is going to be ugly and maybe unwatchable.  It will be a complete waste of your time to even gaze in the direction of a TV broadcasting it.  Avert your eyes.  But don’t be a fool.  Take Cleveland +8.5.  It’s way too many points.  Dallas doesn’t beat anyone soundly as a favorite, and Cleveland is good at just sort of hanging around.

There are two games that go against popular opinion this week, and I am hitting both of them.  In Pittsburgh, Ben Roethlisberger has some horrible injury where his heart could get punctured by a dislocated rib.  The great thing about the NFL is that there was serious discussion if he would play.  I ask you, if someone told you your heart could be punctured by your rib, would you say “Let’s discuss the possibility of me running around with eleven guys that weigh 250+ pounds trying to hit me as hard as they can.  Can I do that four days from now?”.  I would be nestled inside of a plastic bubble in a room full of Styrofoam packing peanuts.  The Public will now overreact to the fact that they will not get to see Roethlisberger die in a spectacular geyser of blood on the 50 yard line, and will have to watch the Steelers play with discarded QB Byron Leftwich.  Now Pittsburgh is getting 3.5 at home?  I’m on it.  They always win with defense anyway.  The Public is heavy on Baltimore, so go the other way.  Pittsburgh +3.5.

The Lions have been very disappointing.  This is a way of life in Detroit where they have been largely disappointed by such things as their city collapsing, roving packs of mongrel dogs, complete lawlessness, and the Lions.  Detroit plays Green Bay this week at home, and the Pack is Back baby!  The Packers look like the Packers again whereas Detroit just lost to the Vikings.  I choose to accent the positive.  Green Bay is really banged up right now.  The NFL is so brutal because with the salary cap, you can’t build depth.  Green Bay is running a lot of guys out on the field right now that Jacksonville looked at and said “Nah.  We’ll keep our shitty guy instead.”.  No Clay Mathews Jr.  No Charles Woodson.  NFL coaches are really good at creating situations where Calvin Johnson gets to run out for a pass against Shitty Mc Shitterson. 

This game is the biggest lopsided bet in Vegas right now with heavy public money on Green Bay.  I love hearing stuff like that even if it probably is misinformation.  I’m going with it.  I think the Lions win at home and those blowhards in the postgame shows all slap their foreheads and say “Whoa! What an upset!”.   Detroit +3.    

The past is gone and there is only the future.  Some of us will drink deep from the chalice of victory.  Some of us will stroll tropical beaches without a care.  At last the pieces will all fit together.  The moment is at hand.  Shed the past.  At last we will enjoy the triumph of victory without regret.  Bask in the glory of what has been pre-ordained.

(That was the part to psyche myself up.  Boy do I hope things turn around this week! I can’t take much more…)

Current Record Vs Spread:  6-9


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