Nurse the Hate: The Klapprad Motherfuckers Fiasco

 

I receive all kinds of crap in email and social media.  Each day I am told Trump, Cruz, Sanders, and Clinton are buffoons.  Each day I am told that Trump, Cruz, Sanders, and Clinton are The Answer.  There are products to buy.  Special events to attend.  Videos of cute dogs and cats.  Conspiracy theories.  Clever people.  Boring people.  Special causes I don’t care about.  It’s a distraction.  I’m working my way through six volumes of Proust for God’s sake.  I don't have time for this.  It takes quite a bit to catch my eye.  Yet, today I saw something of interest.

About a year ago I received an email from a guy from an organization in Germany called “The Klapprad Motherfuckers”.  They wanted to buy a Daredevils red vinyl LP.  Like me, you are probably asking what exactly is a “klapprad motherfucker”?  It turns out some guys bought those dorky fold out bikes that apparently are called “klapprads” in Germany.  These are the types of bikes that are primarily ridden by Euro engineers that go to a workplace where I assume they are bullied and ridiculed.  However, these guys decided that they would juxtapose the idea of a motorcycle gang with klapprads and form “The Klapprad Motherfuckers”.  Imagine a bunch of dudes in motorcycle gang colors walking around with klapprad logos, a helmet clad skull with two pedals as crossbones.  I don’t completely understand it but I enthusiastically support it.  This is in the same vein as my “Lucha Libre Wine Appreciation Society”, a perfect combination of two disparate ideas into something that becomes larger than the sum of its parts.

So the Klapprad Motherfuckers printed up merchandise, because if you are in a fold out bike gang, what else would you do?  The merch notice appeared in my social media feed directly after a post from a friend of mine that just had her first baby.  In the post, she and her husband are very excited to pose with the tiny infant, the joy and surprise at discovering that they actually are playing house apparent in their faces.  When I noticed that the Klapprad Motherfuckers had printed up baby bibs with their logo on it, I thought it would be funny to point out to my friend the young mother.  I clipped the Klapprad Motherfuckers post and “shared it” to her as a message.

I should point out that my friendship with this woman is work based.  We worked together for about a year until she had the child and decided to stay home with the baby and not return to work.  We know each other, but as “work friends”.  That’s why it must have come to quite a surprise to her when my email that said “Hey, I thought you might like this item these guys printed up” arrived in her email box and displayed a pair of tight athletic women’s panties with “Klapprad Motherfuckers” across the crotch.  Of course I had no idea that when I shared this post it would default to the first item on the Klapprad Motherfuckers page, the women’s panties, and not the baby’s bib.  So now she is sitting home, a new mom, and an older dude she worked with shoots an email to her saying “Hey I thought you might like these panties!”.

I would have had no idea this had happened unless she had replied with “What???”.  I think it was the three question marks that first alerted me to the idea that something was amiss.  I don’t get embarrassed easily, but I was certainly full-on embarrassed with the idea that she thought I was hanging out, saw a pair of panties and then said “Hey girl, I know you just popped a kid out but I saw these and said mmmm-mmm-mmm, that’s got you all over it!  Kiss the baby and say “hey” to your husband for me, ok?  Thinking about you nursing the baby while wearing those panties.  Mmmm-mmm-mmmm....”

Good God.  I frantically typed an explanation for what appeared to be very questionable behavior.  I’m not sure if she bought that I thought a “Klapprad Motherfuckers” bib was a good idea for her newborn.  It seems pretty flimsy even now and it was my idea.  I would suspect I have been quietly “unfriended” and will be discussed with outrage at an upcoming family event.  Damn this social media.  It’s a real tiger trap.

Still, that bib is pretty good.