Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Nurse the Hate: Opportunity In Sicily

The Sicilian town of Sambuca is offering houses for sale for $1.    

Well, a euro really, but I don’t have that symbol on my keyboard.  Granted, these houses are what could be generously termed “a handyman’s delight” or perhaps a “fixer upper”.  They are 40 to 150 square meter dwellings that will need about $17,000 minimum to bring up to speed.  I am guessing they will require more work than I am able to do with my trusty duct tape or two (2) screwdrivers.  Still, Sicily appears to be quite nice.  Maybe there is an opportunity here.

I have been studying the wines of Sicily for the last few weeks.  At this point, I know more about Nero d’Avola grown on volcanic slopes than you would guess by initially sizing me up.  Don’t even get me started on Frappato or Catarratto.  I’ve got a bottle of Nerello Mascalese sitting on the counter I need to get into like a drunken raccoon.  Look, I’m all in on Sicily.  I have a bottle of Grillo chilling in the fridge right now.  It has already gone too damn far.  So, what’s stopping me from spending a euro on my “Sicilian Getaway”?  I can see me walking around in rope sandals yelling at sheep right now.  I already know that “Prendi le tue dannate capre fuori da casa mia!” means “Get your Goddamn goats out of my house!”.  I am essentially ready to go to beautiful Sambuca today.

There is a downside in that ghosts of Saraen soldiers slaughtered by Christians some years back are said to haunt the caves and districts nearby at night.  The last thing I need is a haunted 50 square foot shithole I need to repair with unreliable Sicilian contractors.  Maybe I can burn candles or put up a crucifix or something.  There’s probably a local method I will get clued in on once they see me in my rope sandals yelling at goats.  They’ll see I have gone “local”.  If I overhear a new neighbor say “L'arrabbiato americano con i sandali aprì una buona bottiglia di nero d'avola. Andiamo oltre e digli di sbarazzarsi dei fantasmi e scommetto che lo condividerà.”, I will know they mean “The angry American in the sandals opened a good bottle of nero d'avola.  Let's go over and tell him how to get rid of the ghosts and I bet he will share it.”.  

There’s obviously some concern about moving to a one euro house I don’t know how to repair located in the Sicilian wilderness.  It is also true that I also don’t know the language beyond two sentences and am thus unemployable.  But let’s not focus on the downside.  How long can it take for me to become a leading player in the Sicilian wine export business?  It’s not like they have a history of organized crime there.  It’s wide open with opportunity!  This could be it.  Time to jump in with both feet!  This could be the thing I have been waiting for… 


At January 16, 2019 at 9:08:00 PM EST , Blogger Mike Scott said...

It seems to me that you could put the old time machine to great use here.

At January 17, 2019 at 3:15:00 PM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

That's a good point. I could probably rent a Roman Centurian costume and hit the ground running.

At January 17, 2019 at 6:18:00 PM EST , Blogger Mike Scott said...

Well if you're going to dress up, bring the teeth too.

At January 18, 2019 at 11:08:00 AM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

It would help me blend in. They must have had horrible choppers back then.

At January 29, 2019 at 5:28:00 AM EST , Blogger AZ said...

Think retirement. Bring in a bunch of talented, and "cheap" qualified Hunkies to do the work that needs done. Language skills will not be necessary with internet to do what you need and traveling to keep all the European Vineyards on their toes.


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