Saturday, December 22, 2018

Nurse the Hate: Rock Band Secrets and NFL Saturday



When I first started to go see bands, I always thought that when the band was on stage and someone leaned in to tell another band member something in the middle of the song, it must be something incredibly cool.  Like how Ronnie Wood and Keith Richards are always smiling like a couple of wild baboons on stage after Keith says something, we are all left to wonder what that funny secret was he just told.  I mean, it was probably something really cool about an international bikini model or drugs or something.  Who knows how cool it was?  It’s probably about something so fucking awesome, I don’t even know what to call it. 

When I started playing rock in front of people, I would think “I bet they are wondering what we are talking about” when I say something to one of the band members in the middle of “Wichita Buzzcut”.  Let me let you in on a secret.  It’s usually asking if someone farted because out of nowhere, it stinks up there.  I believe this to be the main topic of 90-95% of in song conversations on stage.  Watch old footage of the Miles Davis Quartet.  You can see Miles say something to Coltrane once in awhile.  Coltrane was well known to make bad choices on roadhouse breakfasts.  The guy just looks gassy.  

This one time we were on our way to Ft. Wayne IN.  We stopped to gas up and everyone goes in looking for a snack.  Let me tell you something about Sugar.  She is very frugal.  She reuses glass iced tea bottles, brings her own iced coffee, and always looks for deals.  So this particular stop, she comes back from this Sunoco station with a look of delight on her face.  “Man!  I just scored!”  She was very excited because she had gotten a “great deal” on half off cottage cheese from a gas station.  I immediately took the position she was making a grave error, but the frugalness of the situation won out.  She was all in on that cottage cheese.

A few hours later we are getting ready to play.  Sugar doesn’t look too good.  “Ohhhhh… gas station cottage cheese… Ohhhhh…”  We are on stage and the band is kicking it into gear.  It’s loud.  It sounds good.  “I got a Wichita Buzzzzcut… Got a Wichita Buzzcut…”  Sugar says something to me, but I can’t hear it.  “What?”  Gary is playing the solo so I lean in so I can hear her.  I can barely make it out. It was more lip reading than anything.  “I think I sharted!”. 

That’s what is going on up there.

So with no show tonight, I am all in on this special bonus edition of NFL Saturday.  The first game is absolutely terrible.  If I didn’t have some action on this Redskins v Titans game, I would probably keep changing channels until I found “Shawshank Redemption” on TBS.  The only people watching this game are degenerates and perhaps the 18 people in Nashville that have embraced the Titans.  The greater Washington DC area is probably not going to watch as they are coming to grips with the idea that King Henry the Trump is undoing the last 250 years or so of American progress by reflexively reacting to what cable TV hosts are telling him to do.  I work in TV.  Let me tell you something.  It is not an industry filled with geniuses.  There’s a reason we all ended up in communications classes.  We aren’t that smart.  You’d be better off listening to a waitress from Hooters instead of Ann Coultier.  Fact. 

So while America allows itself to be destroyed by a borderline retarded bully with a fake tan, I am going to take the Redskins and the under.  Yes, the Redskins are starting a QB that was as involved with the NFL two weeks ago as I was.  Yes, they won’t be able to score many points.  Yes, their defense is all banged up.  And Yes it is hard to see how they could win… HOWEVER they are still somehow in the playoff hunt.  This makes them motivated to at least TRY to win.  Also, the Titans just don’t score a lot of points.  With the Skins getting 10.5 points and the over/under at 37.5, this suggests that The Books believe the game will end around 24-13.  The Titans will likely run the ball as will the Redskins since neither team can move it effectively in the air.  That keeps the clock running and the score low.  What the hell.  I’m teasing it.  Redskins +16.5/Under 43.5  

If I lose that first game, I am going to chase it with the LA Chargers -4.  I really would like this to be a three point line, as it concerns me that the Chargers will play down to their competition.  It also concerns me that the Chargers might have a let down after that dramatic win at KC last week.  A couple things going in the Chargers favor though are 9 days rest after last week’s game while the Ravens are playing with only six days and having to fly across the country.  The Ravens are a good home team and bad on the road.  I think the Chargers are still underrated and take care of business despite all kinds of Lamar Jackson hype.  Chargers -4.

1 Comments:

At December 22, 2018 at 12:45:00 PM EST , Blogger AZ said...

All true.

 

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