Nurse the Hate: Hate Bowl Week

As we all know, there’s nothing else to do this week but drink and gamble wildly. What else are you going to do? Go to some crappy movie at the Multiplex like National Treasure 2, or whatever Xmas drek they’ve thrown out there? “Oh! It was such a cute movie! The little boy is so cute. The kids loved it!”

Ugh..

Let’s get down to brass tacks. We’ve got a bunch of college football going off today and tomorrow, and nobody knows anything. These guys haven’t played a game in 6 weeks. On top of that, they’re 20 years old, single and running around exotic locales chasing tail and knocking back free booze and steak. Who’s going to be ready to play when the hotly contested Chick-Fil-A Bowl kicks off this afternoon? Hey, I don’t know but that’s not going to stop me from throwing some action down. New Year’s Eve is almost always a bust, so the key to maintaining some interest in the night is to have some scratch down on that Indiana v Oklahoma State game playing without sound on the TV in the local watering hole. You know you are going to be standing there with a stupid paper cone party hat with a Bud Light draft in your hand anyway. You can watch Carson Daly or the exhumed corpse of Dick Clark if you want. I’m going to stay focused on the otherwise meaningless Florida State fourth quarter 38 yard field goal to push the Music City Bowl over 58.5.

Here are the plays to get you off to a good start in 2008…

Air Force/Cal under 56.5…Public opinion says this will be a shoot out between a highly motivated Air Force team and a Cal team eager to disprove that they have no heart. As we all know, the public is always wrong. This is going to be a 24-13 snooze fest. Air Force will play out of their shoes for awhile, but Cal’s better athletes will win out. Regardless, there won’t be as many points as folks think. Cal hasn’t scored more than 20 since Oct. Air Force hasn’t played the talent the Pac 10 throws out there. UNDER

Oregon/South Florida over 52…Notice a trend? I don’t know who’s gonna win, and I don’t care. Neither should you. Oregon plays a spread offense like Pitt. Pitt scored 37 points on South Florida in the last game of the season, and Pitt has a bunch of tier two players. Oregon is like the Miami of the Pacific NW. These guys are thugs, rapists, murderers, and probably late returning video rentals. They also can play ball. They had a ton of injuries, and they should be close to healthy now. South Florida is a legit team that scored over 33 points in its last 4 games. This will be some kind of 38-35 highlight fest.

Indiana/Oklahoma State over 69.5…This is a line that is a trick. No one wants to bet over 70. It’s insane, right? As you read this, there’s some rube in the sports book at the Mirage that is saying to his dimwit buddies, “Sixty nine and a half? No way they score that many! This is a lock you guys! Who wants in with me? I’m gonna lay this in, and then let’s go to the Hard Rock and score some chicks.” Flash forward…It’s 2:30am, and this guy has a worthless betting slip, an empty packet of heavily cut biker coke, and an escort service phone number in his pocket. He can’t find his phone. His buddies all went over to this “off the hook party” at Studio 54. He’s got a bottle of Heineken and he’s leaning against the wall at the Barbary Coast. Take the over.

New Year’s Day: I cannot stress this enough. Get on USC. They had devastating injuries all season long. They are the best team in the country and they will DESTROY Illinois tomorrow. I don’t care if they’re giving them 20. Take USC. Unless Pete Carrol and Co. just don’t care, this will be a laugher.

Random Note: Don't be the jackass that rings in the new year with some crappy Korbel or "sparkling wine". Those Frenchies have had hundreds of years to figure out how to make good champagne. (By the way, unless the wine came from the Champagne region of France, it is considered sparkling wine. Let people know that you know the difference.) Go for a bottle of Gosset. It's one of the oldest champagne houses in France, but just doen't know how to market itself. You should be able to find a bottle for about $35 in most finer wine shops...I still have that Corona Light if anyone wants it.