Friday, May 1, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Hate Swine Flu




You would think the fucking bubonic plague has set across the world in a blanket of grim death with the coverage this swine flu has received. Open up the paper and it's almost complete coverage on how you can hope to minimize your risk of immediate and certain death from the flu. I have been able to absorb such winning tips as "wash your hands" and "don't cough with your mouth open". No shit? Next thing you know I'll have to wash my hands after taking a dump.

You know how many people have died in Mexico from swine flu? 159. You know what the population of Mexico is in 2009? 109,955,000 and change. You know how many people died by murder in Mexico last year? 13,829. So, what are you more concerned about? Me? I don't want to get gunned down when I'm walking the streets of Tijuana looking for cheap prescription drugs and donkey shows. I'm going to leave my paper breathing mask at home.

Once again the media has whipped everyone into a frenzy with a scary unconfrontable adversary. Terrorism is so blase. Why be afraid of unshaven guys in turbans when you can instill fear of microbes? Here's the deal with the flu. You're either going to get sick or you're not. If you get it and you are 2 or 82, you're pretty much fucked. But even then, don't lose all hope. In Mexico you can die from a bad headache or a sprained wrist. In the USA we can keep you alive even if you lose your torso and half your skull in an accident. Granted, you won't be prom king, but you won't be dead. Mexico is a little dicey. Good people down there, but medical care is not exactly like you see on TV shows. It's more like, "Bite this stick while we chop that infected finger off."

In the last week at work I have received five (5) emails with lengthy attachments detailing the company's efforts in combating this disease. Like most companies these days, I am pleasantly surprised when we deal with such problems as making payroll. I don't feel like I need some dope at "corporate" to send me a memo to remind me not to cough into anyone's mouth. I have that covered. Also, since there is one (1) case of swine flu in Ohio from a kid that traveled to Mexico, I'm not that concerned. If they could work on the shitbags that try to mug us while we walk to our cars, that might be much more beneficial to my overall health. But, hey, it's cool as long as we make payroll. I'll keep my head on a swivel and cough into a Kleenex.

P.S. If I die from swine flu, somebody delete this entry of Nurse the Hate. This post would be embarrassing at my funeral.

Random Notes: I implore you to take the rent money and put it on Manny Pacquiao. Ricky Hatton showed in that fight with Floyd Mayweather he does not have the quickness to deal with Pac Man. Manny is bad news. He is fast, effective, and a dead on puncher. Hatton may hang in there, but look for a long beating and easy Pacquiao win. At -240, it's a terrific value. The only way he loses this fight is if he gets the swine flu...

2 Comments:

At May 7, 2009 at 1:04:00 PM EDT , Blogger ScottyJ said...

Lord, I wish about 90% of the news media would find another job.

Enough already! The Flu is bad news EVERY year, yet we don't see the talking heads blathering about it non-stop for weeks. Enough!

Here's some stats from the CDC's website...

Every year in the United States, on average:

5% to 20% of the population gets the flu;
more than 200,000 people are hospitalized from flu-related complications; and
about 36,000 people die from flu-related causes.

Am I officially a curmudgeon??

 
At May 8, 2009 at 1:15:00 PM EDT , Blogger tiff said...

Second time today I've read the term 'donkey show' on a blog post.

I'm taking that as a sign.

 

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