Nurse the Hate: Commodore Perry

I don't have much time...Currently I am up to my eyeballs on Cleveland State +6.5 v Butler. Two years ago these guys were gutless turds. Now they play D out the ass, and stay within spreads. As I write this I am watching ESPN in a viking helmet crazed on a Commodore Perry bender. Cleveland St is tied with 7 minutes left. Gut check time... Hey, what's with everyone using the word "surreal" all the time now? For example, when that guy got plucked from the ocean last week, people from his old school called it "surreal". No, it was "unusual" or "surprising". If it had been surreal, there would have been paisely Giant Squid flying around the boat wreck while a face emerged out of the sun reading "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock". Clocks would have melted, and Jesus would have floated by in a hot air balloon. That's "surreal" you uneducated fucking asshole. Not coming to grips with the fact that something unusual happened is not "surreal". Start looking for it. Every dumbass in the world gets on TV and uses this word incorrectly...This World Baseball Classic is pretty great. The games are all life or death. That bloated Dominican roster got sent home by The Dutch. The Dutch! Try wearing your gold chains home to people in their horrible little huts and explaining that Big Papi! The Miller Brothers are heavily invested in Korea at 15-1. If we win, we're donating the money to charity...or maybe buying a mink rocket car. We're not sure yet...If this economy doesn't improve I am going to stop my media/small time rock star career and become a paid assassin. I bet that pays pretty well. If you see me show up at your house with a rifle, do me a favor and don't run. It's probably my first job, and I would appreciate it if you go "full sheep"...The bassett hound is the world's finest dog...I once lied on a resume and said I caught "the world's largest fish". The amazing part is that the guy never even asked me about it...Muddy Waters gets the press, but if I could bring one Bluesman back to life for a show, I take Slim Harpo...Why are those coffee servers at Starbucks so fucking smug? It's like working at McDonald's with a lot more Natalie Cole on the in house sound system. I don't need the fucking attitude. Just give me my overpriced beverage please...Anyone who doesn't think The Sadies are one of the best bands on the planet doesn't know what the fuck they are talking about.