Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Hipster




It's not easy to be part of today's hipster crowd. It can be a long painful journey from high school outcast to thrift store kingpin. While in Wicker Park in Chicago this weekend, I saw many victims among the sea of those trying to outclass their fellow hipster. The beautiful young woman in cowboy boots and mini sundress with giant spooky tattoos splashed on her thighs? A poor decision with little recourse... ("Daddy, why does Mommy have a giant flaming skull shooting out of her vagina?"... "Because Mommy thought she would always be 24 years old and an aloof bartender at the loud rock club.") The guy with the gondola shirt, beret, and ballet shoes? Better than wearing a tutu, but I wouldn't recommend him gassing up at a Speedway in Elkhart Indiana anytime soon.

The guy I pitied most was in a black knit stocking cap. It was 94 degrees and the humidity was so high you could literally chew the air. Yet, here he was carrying a giant box down the sidewalk in his black wool hat. He appeared to be, from my vantage point, "sweating like a motherfucker". I know you look badass in your plain black cap with the sweat streaming down your beard and onto your ironic secondhand pants, but can't we make a small concession to functionality here? No need to go to linen pants and huaraches, but maybe leave the wool hat at home, eh Elliot Smith?

Another really bad decision? The earlobe stretching disc... Let's say, on an off chance, it stops being cool to wear a half dollar size disc in your ear. This will probably never happen, and I say that with the conviction of a man wearing pegged acid washed jeans, a mullet, Doc Marten boots, tribal band tattoo, and a lip ring. Some things just last forever in fashion. But let's just say, for the sake of argument, it becomes passe in a few years. That's really going to be an awesome look having your skin flap off your head in a limp ribbon. What's the move then? Wearing a flesh colored "masking disc" so it looks like you just have giant ears like Mitch Albom or Ellen Degeneres? Have it removed so you have a weird notch? There just don't seem to be a lot of options there.

Being surrounded by an entire community of people trying to be more cutting edge and relevant than you has to be taxing. You just have to be cautious that you aren't so eager to be outrageous that you make a horrible lifelong mistake. Nobody wants to be the one that looks stupid in a vain pursuit of trying to capture other people's attention. Now excuse me. I have to go change into a rayon fringe cowboy shirt and dirty cowboy hat.

7 Comments:

At July 21, 2010 at 8:48:00 AM EDT , Blogger Raquel's World said...

Eww the earlobe stretching,,,I hate that.

 
At July 21, 2010 at 7:55:00 PM EDT , Blogger 宜欣宜欣 said...

要在憂患恥辱的環境裡,創造我們自力更生的新生活。..................................................

 
At July 21, 2010 at 11:04:00 PM EDT , Blogger Greg Miller said...

If you click on that Asian language comments, will you immediately get a virus on your computer and genitals, or do I just have tons of Chinese prisoners reading this?

 
At July 22, 2010 at 2:13:00 PM EDT , Blogger Nicol3 said...

I wish this post was longer; I KNOW you've got more hatred gumming at your ragingly swollen teat. Well, I know I do..

My city's a regular hipster docking point. Ain't namin' no names. Rich white kids aiming for the exact opposite of their upbringing for the sake of.. well, for the sake of.. sake, I guess.

Honestly, I could care less about the 'fashion'fads-- Their choice. Some can pull off soon-to-be droopy earlobes and the patchy-looking tats, and coal black beanies in earth's core weather.

It's the broadening definition of 'culture' that's buggin' me. Eating out the garbagé? Yeah, that counts as culture now. Smelling like fresh-from-the can shit? Culture!

If ya wanna be homeless, then gather your balls and live on the streets. Don't sample the.. 'delights' of hoboism just to brag to all you buds who live in their apartments mom and dad pay for.

Blegh!

 
At July 24, 2010 at 7:39:00 AM EDT , Blogger 陳佑發 said...

真正仁慈的人,會忘記他們做過的善行,他們全心投入現在的工作,過去的事已被遺忘。..................................................

 
At July 27, 2010 at 4:10:00 AM EDT , Blogger 吳淑芬吳淑芬 said...

GOOD POST~~~~~~~~~~~~Support!!!!.................................[/url]...............

 
At August 21, 2010 at 3:30:00 PM EDT , Blogger Tony B said...

Don't forget shitting in a bucket in your bedroom, composting it, fertilizing your urban garden with it, and then eating your own organically produced shitnach.

It's like a damn human perpetual motion machine.

 

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