Monday, July 5, 2010

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Motorcyclist

So I'm out today on my bike. Not a Harley or some other kind of motorcycle... you know, a "bike" bike like an adult version of a Schwinn. I'm doing my thing down the bike lane, looking pretty badass with no helmet unlike all those other pussies out there on their fancy little bikes. I'm wondering when everyone started to wear helmets on bikes. Granted, if you are doing some mountain trail riding crazy shit, you should probably have a helmet on. I know a woman that would look like Leon Spinks if not for a helmet, but she was also involved in doing some ill advised riding. However, biking around the neighborhood, the helmet may be a bit of an overkill. It's part of the ongoing "Wimpification of America". For example, when I was a kid we all tore ass around town on our bikes and no one wore a helmet. In fact, you would face intense ridicule for wearing a helmet. Yet, I don't recall entering the new school year, and having a discussion about how many comrades you had lost due to horrific bike accidents the year before. "How many this Summer? Terry? Yeah I heard about him. Jimmy? Jimmy's gone too? Jesus! How many of us are left from 3rd grade? Four? Five? They're almost all gone now..." Then maybe we could all sit around the cafeteria with the "Thousand Yard Stare", numb to the losses of our friends like chewed up WW2 vets.

When I am thinking about that issue pedaling away, I see a bunch of motorcycles pass each other. They all give each other the "finger to the ground, we're all brothers of the iron stallion" salute. Then, in between the two motorcycles, is someone on a Vespa. No salute from motorcycle guy. Hey, that's bullshit. If you are on a two wheeled vehicle you should give The Salute to your brother, even if your brother is only packing 25ccs of power. Granted, I am on the outside of this clique looking in, but they've all got to stick together, right? Someone has to buy all those "Loud tailpipes save lives" stickers. Someone has to go see Sammy Hagar when he comes to town. Someone has to wear bad t-shirts and bandanas. Maybe most importantly, someone has to give those leathery Marlboro Red smoking girls rides. How are they going to get around? At some point, the motorcycles will be full, and they'll need their moped cousins to help fill the gap.

I felt bad for the moped guy to be so shunned so publicly. Yeah, he looks pretty wimpy out there, but still... The key to looking good on a moped is probably to be in a pack of guys dressed like mods. Then you are probably pretty badass. When you are out there alone on your moped, you may be no better than me on my bike on the pecking order of the road. Then I was thinking, maybe I'd try to improve my station. I was thinking maybe I'd start to give The Salute to motorcycles when I pedaled by and get on the "ins" with those guys, but then I changed my mind. Most of those guys had helmets on. And if you have a helmet on, you're a pussy.


At July 6, 2010 at 8:10:00 AM EDT , Blogger Raquel's World said...

Maybe you should pioneer the first "bicycle wave" and then see how far it goes.


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