Thursday, July 1, 2010

Nurse the Hate: Three Quick Things

1) Yesterday I was driving behind an SUV going 58 mph in the left lane. In the back window was a license plate that one would buy at such upper end retail shops as Cracker Barrel or Wal Mart that said "Let Me Tell You About My Grandchildren". Has there ever been anything that sounded like more of a threat than that? Those "Protected By Smith and Wesson" stickers don't give me pause, but that sure as hell did. Let me tell you, the last thing I am looking for on a Wednesday afternoon is for someone to "tell me about their grandchildren".

2) LeBron mania has hit a new level of hysteria. Here's the only take you need on that guy. His only stated goal is to be "the first billionaire athlete". I don't recall him ever saying anything about being the best player of all time, or winning the most championships. Nope. He wants to be a Billionaire. And why not? He is a star in America's third favorite sport leading a team that he has never guided to a championship. He doesn't produce anything. He doesn't make the planet a better place. He does take money from corporations to help sell marked up basketball shoes, sugary drinks, and fast food. Yes, he definitely should be paid a BILLION dollars. So when you buy into the "LeBron Brand" (to steal a phrase from his posse of high school buddies that guide his career), you get what exactly? A guy that is out for a buck and has never actually won jack. That's what you get. Fuck him. He's no Kobe, Michael, Kareem, Bird, Magic, Oscar Robertson, and on and on and on. You want a BILLION dollars? Invent something. Create a company that builds something. Putting a ball in a hoop? Wow. Here's a BILLION dollars. Oh yeah, you earned it.

3) I have this idea I have been championing for a long time. You know when you're at a baseball game and the "Scream team" or whatever they call the over caffeinated promotions team shoots hot dogs and t shirts to the crowd via the air gun? Fans kill each other for a second rate Indians t shirt with a huge "First Merit Bank" logo on it. However, what if one out of every three bundles shot out of the cannon were loaded with a full baby diaper? Or maybe instead of every one being a hot dog, they'd slip in a feces filled pig's small intestine? I tell you what, fans would think twice about leaning over the upper deck to grab at that bundle shot their way. It would make for a better overall fan experience to see people reach for something and then try to avoid it hitting them at the last second when they realized what it might actually be. Throw it up on the Jumbotron with a sponsor logo, and you've got a real win/win scenario.


At July 3, 2010 at 8:42:00 AM EDT , Anonymous Anonymous said...



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