Nurse the Hate: Hate Sober House?

The greatest show on television right now is Sober House with Doctor Drew. I can't get enough of it. Ex-celebrities with horrible dependency issues are filmed by roving TV cameras 24 hours a day in close quarters while attempting to get their lives on track. First let's just soak in the premise... You are a famous person with a horrible drug addiction. You are now down on your luck and are out of options, or are so attention starved you figure it's better to be on TV as an addict than not on TV at all. The suggestion that this would be a healthy environment to get cured is laughable. This season they have Tom Sizemore, who punched Heidi Fleiss in the face while high a few years back, attempting to enter recovery with meth addict Heidi Fleiss pushing his buttons every ten seconds. How could that possibly work? The answer is it doesn't and that's what makes great TV!

I love Heidi Fleiss and how she looks like a torn softball. I love how Tom Sizemore is always two seconds away from leaving and getting high. I like how the two porn chicks are so damaged that maybe the substance abuse is really just the tip of the iceberg. I like how Dennis Rodman is always amused by the other patients. But my favorite is without a doubt Mike Starr, the ex-Alice in Chains bass player. I love how he walks around in his time machine "grunge rock"uniform of army shorts, t shirt, and boots. He got kicked out of Alice in Chains 18 years ago for drug use, and still can't seem to come to grips with it. With the way he dresses, it's like he's expecting a phone call to go back out on tour. In 1992. He feels sorry for himself all day long, makes excuses, and just can't seem to do anything. When you have a nightmare about a brother-in-law, this would be the guy. I can picture him living in my basement, burning holes in my couch with a cigarette, and stealing my shit for drug money. There is NO CHANCE that this guy ever gets sober, because he is a total loser that has been trotted out on TV to make us all feel better about ourselves. Thank you Doctor Drew!

Dr. Drew is positioned as a caring expert that wants to help these people get well. How could this guy exploit human beings more successfully? Does he have Chinese teenage girls handcuffed in a massage parlor basement somewhere too? Maybe he owns a sweat shop in Manila... Yet, that might be my favorite part of the show. I love the clear conflict of interest in between creating chaos for good ratings on TV and actually helping these people. But then again, who cares as the patients just want to hold onto their fading fame any way possible, even if that means laying their most horrible secrets on the table to stay in the public eye. It is the most American show on TV. Why have pride when you can be famous?