Nurse the Hate: Hate Baseball 2010

It's almost Opening Day, and here in Cleveland it means the Indians have almost been mathematically eliminated. This is going to be a very bleak season for Indians fans, and makes me glad I cut bait on this woeful organization and took up with the Giants last August. I have my Giants cap on right now, and am looking forward to watching the games at 10pm EST all summer. It's a very civilized time to see a game begin. Still, isn't Spring the time of year when hope is a ray of sunshine beaming down on all teams? No, not really... After careful study of the season win totals, I have some absolute locks to help secure you a Mammoth Payday come October.

Cleveland Indians UNDER 74.5 wins: This team might bring a tear to the eye of fans that enjoyed going to the old Metropolitan Stadium with 6500 fans yelling at Felix Fermin. I think they are going to blow really, really badly. The key will be how bad the pitching staff is going to be in 2010. Jake Westbrook is the #1 starter, and is coming off surgery. Fausto Carmona hasn't been effective in two years. Boston traded Justin Masterson to the Indians because they didn't think he could start. Then there's 4 almost identical guys fighting for the last 2 spots. There is not a single person to hand the ball to and say, "Yep, that guy is going to give us 7 quality innings". That means the already shaky bullpen will be blown out by June, and a steady stream of "prospects" will be coming through to throw some innings in relief. Sports Illustrated thinks they'll win 66. I think they'll win 70 because it's almost impossible to win as few as 66. Either way, it's well below 74.5... By the time you finish reading this Travis Hafner probably hurt his shoulder again.

The Chicago White Sox UNDER 84 wins: A team that really needed to get younger and more athletic to score runs instead brought in Alex Rios, Mark Teahan, and Mark Kotsay to join the slowest base running team maybe ever. I think I could get three of my musician buddies to win a relay race against AJ Pierzynski, Paul Konerko, and Carlos Quentin. The other good news is they also signed on such outta gas vets as Omar Vizquel and Andruw Jones. Yes Virginia, this is not a .500 baseball team. Their starting staff will keep them hanging around all year, but look for them to fade in September when all these vets start planning their off season vacations. Ask yourself, is Juan Pierre going for that extra base on Sept 23rd in a meaningless game vs the Royals, or is he going to make sure he doesn't pull a quad and put himself at risk for the Wyndham Cabo San Lucas limbo contest?

The Chicago Cubs UNDER 83.5 wins: There is a very odd belief that since the Cubs got rid of the Greatest Clubhouse Cancer of Our Generation (aka Milton Bradley), they will somehow magically rev it up again. I don't see it. Milton Bradley wasn't the problem. Well, he was a problem, but not the problem. This is a team that had a shot, and now the window is closing. Derrick Lee, Alfonso Soriano, and Aramis Ramirez are all a year older and statistically fading. They are going to run that shitty Fukudome out there in right. (But I do love to say his name, don't you?) Carlos Marmol is a potential gas can coming out to close games. I'm not sold on Carlos Zambrano being 100% either. There's the familiar scent of disappointment at Wrigley. It'll be close, but take the under.

Baltimore Orioles OVER 74 wins: I know, this sounds crazy. They have to play the Yankees and Red Sox every other day. And then when they don't play them, they have to play Tampa. The AL East is not a good place to be if your payroll isn't the GNP of France. However, hear me out... I like that they signed Kevin Millwood as a #1 starter. Is he CC Sabathia? No. But he will keep himself out there on the mound and keep you close. Jeremy Guthrie looks like a legit major league pitcher. Plus Mike Gonzalez can close. Around the horn super hyped catcher Matt Wieters will start every day, and scouts have been ejaculating over him for three years. Garrett Atkins is a legit 3rd baseman. Nick Markakis is a All Star caliber outfielder. I even like Adam Jones in center. This team would be big trouble if they were in the AL Central. Let's be realistic though. This is probably a 76 win team tops. But 76 is still over 74! What the hell, take a chance!