Nurse the Hate: Hate the NFL Week One

It's time to once again chase the impossible, the winning year in gambling on the NFL. Each year I enjoy throwing my baseball winnings away on the NFL, convinced somehow that I know something more than the 62 million pundits all chattering away. I would like to start this season off with the disclaimer that I don't know anything. More importantly, neither do you.

Had I either had access to a computer yesterday, or had the patience to type the tiny Blackberry keys with my stubby fingers, I could have given you Michigan +3.5 as a nice little winner. This did offset a horrific loss Friday by my taking West Virginia -12.5 against Marshall. I should have known better than to trust "inside" information from a true West Virginia homer on that one. Yet, I wanted to believe... West Virginia fans are a lot like OSU fans, but are a bit more enthusiastic to set furniture on fire. This is due to the fact that most of the West Virginia fan base's furniture was acquired by taking it off someone else's tree lawn, thus minimizing the actual property loss. I am advising all my clients on adopting a "sell" position on West Virginia this season, as I will be looking for an opportunity to fade the Mountaineers as soon as possible.

Today I like the Browns +3. This is not about being excited about Cleveland's season, but more excited about how bad Tampa should be today. It is my understanding that Tampa is starting a QB with a broken finger, a feature running back coming off yet another knee surgery, and a tight end that had his sixth knee surgery. There is also an unsubstantiated rumor that the right half of their offensive line drove an SUV into the left side of the line after practice on Thursday, leaving the quarterback's blindside protected by three men that are currently urinating blood into small pouches placed discreetly in their trousers. It must be pointed out that this is only a rumor circulating in the seedy gambling underground however. Regardless, I'm on the Browns.

I think the Oakland Raiders may have taken the turn from "unwatchably bad" to "kinda terrible" this season. This is no doubt due to the fact that they have finally pulled the plug on the JaMarcus Russell fiasco, a quarterback so bad that Ryan Leaf probably took potshots at him from whatever condo he's laying around in on a leather couch in wind pants. Do I think the Raiders beat Tennessee today? No, of course not. But I do think they stay within six. Take Oakland +6.

Current Season Record Vs The Spread: 1-1