Nurse the Hate: Hate the NFL again

I immediately regretted deciding to go to today's Browns home game vs the Jets when I woke up. I hate the stadium, the people that go to the games, and the overall hassle of the thing. On top of that, the weather is gray/murky with the probability of a Biblical quality rain storm at about 85%. The only thing that gives me some peace of mind is that I know that my brother and I will be sitting in great seats heavily leveraged against the home team, quietly reveling in each disaster that strikes the Browns. Nationally, sports honks have been singing the praises of the 3-5 Browns. "This is a team on the rise!", they breathlessly exclaim. Maybe, but let me say this. The Browns run the ball inside the tackles. The Jets stop all teams from running the ball. That means weak armed Colt McCoy will have to make some plays against an outstanding Jet secondary. No sir, I do not believe this will happen. Take the Jets -3.

Bret Favre receives more press coverage than Obama. Frankly, he is more interesting, but that is beside the point. (Who wouldn't like a President that texted pictures of his junk to say, the Israeli Defense Secretary, and walked around on a broken ankle? People like that shit.) The sheer amount of hyperbole devoted the the Vikings "miraculous" comeback against an awful Arizona Cardinal team last week tells you everything you need to know. Every dope in Vegas has been told all week long that Bret has turned this thing around in Minnesota, and the Bears kinda suck. I don't know about that. I like the Bears at home against a Minnesota team that always looks dicey out of a dome. Take Chicago +1 as the Viking Death Spiral continues.

For a man that likes to gamble, I can be risk averse at times. I wear a seatbelt. I don't own a motorcycle. I don't drink and shoot skeet. Well, not anymore at least. However, I am going to recommend to you something that seems absolutely outlandish. Take Carolina +7.5. Yes, I am aware that Carolina is not starting anyone at QB this week. I believe they will be hiking the ball into an empty backfield and "hoping for the best". It is true that they are the worst team in Football. They have NO CHANCE this week on the road. That is why you must take them with the points. No one is on Carolina. That means they are a winner. You think they build giant lakes in the Nevada desert by making these lines wrong? While you are at it, take a flier on St Louis +5.5. Why not? After that Carolina wager, that seems sane in comparison.