Sunday, November 21, 2010

Nurse the Hate: Hate the NFL Week 10

There is a certain nip to the air today. The smell of wood smoke drifts across my well manicured back lawn, leaves freshly raked. We are now well into Fall, and that means it's time to bet heavily against NFL teams that The Public believes in. I think we can all agree that no one has any idea of who is actually a legit team this season, much less who is actually going to win a game week to week. Ever since the appearance of the Virgin Mary at that Pittsburgh Courtyard By Marriott a couple weeks back, I can do no wrong. I am now 7-2 in my last 9. That can mean only one thing. I am going to lose my ass today. I would recommend "counter-selecting" against these wagers, as I can't possibly continue the run I have been on. Go make yourself some money and go the other way... Regardless, this is how I see it this week.

I am taking Jacksonville -2 and Houston +6.5. The Browns and Jets played an extra quarter of football last week, and that's going to catch up to them this week. Jacksonville has quietly become respectable, with David Garrard playing unlike David Garrad at QB. The Browns are going in without Josh Cribbs, who dislocated 4 toes on his right foot last week. I bet that must have felt pretty good. I had a toenail removed once under a local anesthetic and limped around for a week. I cannot imagine what having 4 toes dislocated feels like. The word "bad" comes to mind. The bottom line for the Browns? That injury means there is no one going out for a pass that can get open, unless a Jacksonville DB blows out an achilles or suffers a debilitating stroke during a snap. Last year's Cleveland #2 draft choice Brian Robiske may have never gotten open as a professional football player. I don't think he will today either. I hope that guy went to class at Ohio State, because his days of collecting a paycheck as a football player can't be long. Look for him as an attendee at a sales training seminar near you in the Fall of 2011.

Meanwhile our good friends at the Jets were very focused on the game last week. It was Brother vs Brother in the coaching ranks, Mangini cast as the nemesis as the old Jets coach, and ex-Brown Braylon Edwards told everyone to "bring their damn popcorn" to watch him make three unremarkable catches for about 50 yards. Then you throw in an extra 15 minutes of beating the crap out of each other in OT. That's a whole lot to just put behind you and get back to work on Monday. In a regular season, you're going to have a letdown somewhere, and this looks like it. Houston has a ton of talent, and a coach that seems to get less of it that anyone not named Wade Phillips. Every year since 2005 they have been proclaimed a "sleeper", and go 8-8. Maybe it would help to clear out some of the dipshits in the front office, but who am I to say? Still, they have enough actual professional football players to stay within that 6.5 point spread. I think this is a 3 point game. Take Houston with the points.

Last week the Kansas City Chiefs got the shit stomped out of them in Denver. This had to be disappointing as the Broncos totally suck. Oh, the Chiefs were also coming off a hard fought OT loss to the Raiders the week before and then had to go out on the road. (See a pattern here Browns fans?) The Chief coaching staff was totally pissed off as the Broncos poured the points on like they were trying to qualify for a BCS Bowl game. So they took their pissed off attitudes into this week where they face a bunch of their old cronies in the Cardinals organization. The Cardinals are a not-so-good team. Let's not mince words. They kinda blow. Hopping onto a plane to play in Kansas City against a bunch of guys that got embarrassed last Sunday and screamed at all week might not be the best situation for a kinda sucky football team. I'll take KC -7.5. I think they win BIG.

That damn Peyton Manning. Manning keeps that Colt team afloat even though almost all his offensive weapons are currently in a prone position in Indiana hospitals in back braces and iron lungs. Meanwhile New England is winning with castoffs and retreads. That Tom Brady haircut can't be helping either. Still, they keep winning somehow. This game should be close, so I'll take the points. This is the only game that matters today, and you have to get some action down, no? I'm on Indy +4.


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