Sunday, January 2, 2011

Nurse the Hate: Hate The NFL Week 16

The last week of the NFL season is what separates the real degenerates from the casual gambler. Most of the teams running out onto the field today have absolutely nothing to play for, and locker rooms are filled with plane tickets to Cancun and Hawaii. Guys in the final year of contracts are hoping not to snap a knee, and are not focused on scoring a late otherwise meaningless TD to cover the spread. Any sane human being would walk away from everything but that sorry ass Seattle v St Louis game today. Of course, with yet another horrible day of weather settling in here in Northeast Ohio, I expect to be in up to my eyeballs on ill advised action.

Let's take a look...

The New York Giants have folded up like cheap circus tent. It is well known that players all hate Tom Coughlin. Who wouldn't? He's one of those "if you are on time to my meeting you are 10 minutes late" guys. Hey man, if you want me here at 2:50 instead of 3:00, just tell me, OK? Coughlin is always walking around with the angry gym teacher look, and not too many people like hanging out with the angry gym teacher. I think the Giants get knocked out of the playoffs after the 1pm games, and then phone it in for a final nail in the coffin loss to Washington. The players will all secretly meet later at BW-3 to celebrate Coughlin's firing with chips and cheese. Take Washington +4.

It is believed Cleveland needs to win today to save Eric (formerly "Mangenius") Mangini's job. I don't think the players give a shit if he comes back next year. In fact, it is my understanding that the players don't care if he breaks his back in an off season para sailing mishap in the Bahamas. The Browns play hard every week though. It's too bad they don't play "hard and well". Because playing "well" is usually important when playing Pittsburgh. There is this weird public sentiment out there that the Browns are going to sack up and win today. I have no idea where that comes from. They are 1-6 in their last seven versus the spread. Pittsburgh needs to win this game and will. Take Pittsburgh -5.

The 7-8 Rams head to the 6-9 Seattle Seahawks to play for the NFC West crown and a playoff berth. This is merely a prelude to betting the house on whoever plays these guys in the first round of the playoffs. Both teams really blow, but when you are focusing on a terrible team, it is hard to take your eye off Seattle. Seattle has been outscored 294-174 in the second half of the season. Seattle is 1-5 against the spread in their last six. They are starting some guy at quarterback that was working at a Seattle's Best coffee shack two weeks ago, and was signed when he was seen throwing a Shins CD at some dude that ordered a "double skinny mochachino". Ok, I made that last part up, but you get the idea. Seattle=not too good. It should be noted however that the Rams aren't exactly the 85 Bears. Still, they are 6-0 vs teams with a losing record (which actually means they beat SF twice, Seattle, Arizona, Detroit, and Carolina). Hell, that's good enough for me. I'm taking St Louis -3 in an ill advised play.

As always, remember I have no idea what I am talking about.


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