Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Brewers Part 3




From: Greg Miller
Date: Tue, Jul 5, 2011 at 10:33 AM
Subject: Fwd: Free US Ground Shipping over $49
To: diny.hurwitz@brewers.com



Diny,

I don't know what kind of sick little game you and the Milwaukee Brewers are playing with me. I tell you again and again that I don't want to buy a Casey McGehee jersey, but yet you continue to shove this gear down my throat. The issue isn't shipping costs. My pockets are mighty deep my friend. The issue is that I think Casey McGehee looks more than a little like that guy that played "Corky" on Life Goes On. Remember that show? What is that actor's name? Chris Burke maybe? Regardless, I am not going to spend $49 to get your gear undoubetdly made in Chinese slave labor camps at astronomical profit margins. For God's sake, have you people no shame? You built a retractable dome on your stadium while the rest of the City of Milwaukee slowly crumbles into dust. Ye Gods man!

Let me also note I am not interested in your $34.99 Tony Gwynn Jr. signed 8X10 photo. Have you people no shame? Hasn't that guy already failed to live up to expectations on the Dodgers, yet you still shill what must be an entire storage unit full of signed photos while he still wore Brewers gear? I'll tell you what. You give me $50, and I'll dump those quietly in the river under the cover of darkness next time I'm in Milwaukee. I'll weight them down too so the organization won't get any PR backlash just in case dozens of Tony Gwynn Jr. photos are spotted floating by the Bronze Fonz statue. Nobody needs to see shaggy Greenpeace operatives in inflatable rafts pulling Tony Gwynn Jr. photos out of duck's beaks...

I will admit that I admire the Brewers single handed determination to sell me crap I don't need or want. You guys are like friggin pitbulls. You are unthinking unfeeling sales machines. You people are the Great White Sharks of MLB marketing. You have but a single purpose to which you have dedicated your lives: Sell Greg Miller second rate Brewers clothing and bobbleheads. You are a much more worthy adversary than I bargained for, however, the madness must stop. Don't make me put Rickie Weeks, Doug Melvin, Jim Bathey, Robin Yount and maybe even Bob Uecker on wild ass Mexican discount drug email lists. For every crappy discount Brewers offer I get, I am firing back with a flurry of Russian Mail Order Bride emails.

Clearly, we have reached the Doomsday Scenario we both feared...

I remain,

Greg Miller


P.S. That "Cerveceros" jersey is kinda nice. That kills me to write that too.

P.P.S. Giants baby! Giants!

3 Comments:

At July 6, 2011 at 11:03:00 AM EDT , Blogger Field Marshal Rommel said...

You're strength and determination under such a relentless torrent of abusive marketing strategies is an inspiration to us all, my friend. Stay strong and know that we're all behind you in this fight for freedom from tyrannical email abuse.

 
At July 7, 2011 at 11:05:00 AM EDT , Blogger ScottyJ said...

you gotta admit, Bernie Brewer is a pretty cool mascot....

 
At July 8, 2011 at 8:21:00 AM EDT , Blogger Greg Miller said...

Scotty, it does pain me to admit that....

 

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