Friday, September 23, 2011

Nurse the Hate: Hate College Football Again

Ohio State Guy is in a full panic. His beloved Buckeyes are not following the script to provide him with easy wins on a Fall afternoon. There is no jacking off watching Ohio State “students” beating the crap out of the amateur teams placed in front of them. That back slapping self congratulatory Coors Light swilling “O! H!” I! O!” time is over. This is a “transitional year”. To use a very technical football term, Ohio State looked totally fucking horrible last week against a Miami team that doesn’t exactly bring to mind the Teams of Thugs Past. This week Ohio State plays a very ordinary Colorado team that kinda sucks. However, I don’t believe they kinda suck 16.5 points less than Ohio State. I think OSU wins, but have a hard time seeing Ohio State scoring a zillion points. Take Colorado +16.5.

My favorite team of thugs is Oregon. If the NCAA really wanted to get serious about “cleaning up college football”, this would be a good place to start assuming you had a SWAT team.. The NCAA wouldn’t place Oregon on probation. They would go up there and execute most of the team just for being sociopaths and dangerous criminals. Various players have been arrested in recent years for fist fights, robbery, sexual assault, firearms, and probably abusing a corpse for all I know. The good news is that the University of Oregon football team doesn’t know where I live, and probably won’t come to my house and commit violent crimes against me. Even better news is that they will commit these crimes against a reliably shitty University of Arizona team. Arizona lost to Oklahoma State and Stanford by 27 and 23 respectively. They sure as hell aren’t staying within 15.5 of Oregon. Take Oregon -15.5.

There are three things you need to know about Ball State. 1) David Letterman went there. 2) They have an ugly flat campus that looks like it might double as a mail order house processing and distribution center. 3) They are 3-14 against the spread at home in their last 17. This week Ball State plays Army at home. Look, I’m not all excited about Army or anything. Army will roll into town with their bad haircuts and repressed rage, and regret not going to a school where they can have drunken sexual misadventures as opposed to getting screamed at for not making their bed correctly. That rage should help them cover a flimsy four point spread. Take Army -4.


At September 23, 2011 at 10:47:00 PM EDT , Blogger Walter Zoomie said...

Dude...I go to C-Bus 5 times a week. Every time I see a grey vehicle with red accents and the Buckeye/marijuana leaf "attaboy/good play" helmet stickers pasted all over it, I wanna RPG their ass. I don't follow college football at all, but I really really REALLY hate the OSU. Thank you for listening. You are such a comfort...


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