Friday, March 20, 2015

Nurse the Hate: Tournament Day 2

I got after it yesterday.  After typing in my ill advised picks, I jumped on UCLA and Utah as well.  While these were winners, without question the greatest moment of yesterday was when some VCU guy drove for a meaningless layup and a backdoor cover over Ohio State.  I was on Ohio State up to my eyeballs, and Krusty was sitting next to me reveling in my defeat.  I can't think of any other word than "reveling" as he had both arms lifted to the sky as Ohio State failed to play defense.  He began to cackle when the scenario became crystal clear.  "March Madness!  March Madness!"  He had no skin in that game, but was just soaking in my failure.  Ohio State -3.5.  Ohio State wins by three.  Loser.  Drink up Krusty.  Enjoy your Dortmunder with side of schadenfreude.

The good news is that yet another full slate of games come stampeding in at Noon.  My coffers are fairly stuffed after going 4-2.  I am going to be aggressive today.  In the parlance of the gambling community, I am going to "Swing For the Fucking Fences".  This is really interesting as I don't know anything more today than I did yesterday, yet stumbling into a few winners yesterday has inflated my confidence to a dangerous level.  If this goes wrong today I will be forced to leave the country in a bid to escape my creditors, and if that fails I may well be left to dance on the docks for nickles.  Either scenario is grim, so let's all hope my momentum continues.

I am getting on West Virginia is a big way today over Buffalo.  I don't know what criminals Bob Huggins has somehow crowbarred from the State of West Virginia Justice System for the Mountaineers.  I know that these thugs will be unable to read or perhaps even speak English in more than grunts.  However, they will be rebounding monsters, have astonishing quickness, leaping ability, and ball handling skills that are well beyond whatever sad sacks the MAC rolls out.  The MAC really sucks and has for years.  Around here there is this memory of those magical Kent State runs and limited success from Akron.  Although only a handful of people have actually seen the University of Buffalo team play, a snowballing belief that they will upset WVU has gained speed.  That's absurd.  I am filling a truck with American money to place on West Virginia -4.

This guy I read says that New Mexico State is the strongest 15 seed in NCAA Tournament history.  That is a big claim.  It could be all shit talk.  Look, for all I know this guy is a meth addict that is on some crazy binge typing maniacally on a greyhound bus bound for Sante Fe.  He might be on his fourth day of no sleep and completely focused on finding the electromagnetic grids in the desert that are well reported on "The Deep Web".  I am just taking what he says at face value as he seems to exist only to watch college basketball games.  Meth would probably help in that department.  Here's what I have learned...  New Mexico State's two best players were hurt for a stretch, and they went 7-7.  The rest of the season they went 16-3 with close road losses to Wichita State and Baylor.  They are 13-0 since getting the full roster back.  Meanwhile Kansas is without one of their ringers.  Is New Mexico State going to beat Kansas?  Hell, I don't know, but it doesn't seem like they will lose by more than 10.5.  New Mexico State +10.5 

I love to bet against Indiana.  I have a longstanding beef with that state due to their long history of terrible bathroom conditions off of the turnpike.  I also have had a couple of tepid shows in Bloomington, a town with way too many jacked up pickup trucks piloted by backward baseball cap dudes.  I spent a weekend in Indianapolis being carted from strip plaza chicken wing bar to strip plaza chicken wing bar while two huge men filled the vehicle with monsterous farts that made my eyes tear.  Gary had an acoustic guitar stolen once (that we later found after someone had discarded it).  I don't have a lot of positive memories of Indiana.  Knowing how important basketball is to the state, I just enjoy seeing their dreams crushed by someone like Wichita State.  I'm down with the Shockers.  Indiana has lost 9 of 14 going into the Tournament.  I don't think they "get right" against an elite team like Wichita State.  Wichita State -4.

St. John's lost their last two games by a combined 54 points.  Their only real big man just got suspended for marijuana.  They will basically play this game with four guards and a forward.  That's going to be a problem against San Diego State.  I keep seeing words like "mismatch" in regards to this game.  It's nice to imagine all the New York money flooding in on St. John's while no one in San Diego is even aware that the city has a college, much less a basketball team.  San Diego residents are all about surfing, drinking really hoppy beer, and finding a place to live on the right side of Interstate 5.  At some point at a beach bar in Mission Beach a guy will look up at a TV and say something like "Brah!  Those uniforms say San Diego!  Do we have, like, a school here?  No way!"  That should keep this line nice and low.  San Diego State -4.



At March 20, 2015 at 12:01:00 PM EDT , Blogger Bobdontgiveaf#ck said...

GREAT post. I could totally picture Krusty's delight at your expense. These are the fruits of seeds long sown by your ridiculous confidence that all your opinions are actually truths. Still, it's worth noting that you'd most likely do quite well 'dancing on the docks'. I've seen you dance. It's not bad. GO CARDINALS!!

At March 25, 2015 at 12:05:00 AM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

Almost as if knew the Georgia State comment was coming on Day 3.


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