Monday, December 21, 2015

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Nae Nae

I was recently ridiculed as I was unaware of what “The Nae Nae” was and it’s place in today’s popular culture.  I’m not sure why I was held to task for not knowing the work of Vine sensation “We Are Toonz”.  I don’t even give a fuck about Vine.   How am I supposed to know who is on Vine?  I didn’t “Vogue”.  I certainly didn’t “Macarena”.  Why do I need to know this stuff?  I question the long term impact of the artistic collective known as “We Are Toonz”.  I also question the need to know how to “Nae Nae” at all and hope not to be in a position where I am expected to “Nae Nae” in a public or private setting.  I am aware that this makes me a bit of a curmudgeon, but it’s a role I am settling into comfortably.  No one really wants to see a middle aged man “drop the Nae Nae”, unless it is on a Jumbotron at a sports arena.  In that circumstance, the public cannot get enough of “dropping the Nae Nae”.

I was at a Cavs game last weekend watching the Cavs beat the living fuck out of the 76ers.  The game is just an excuse for two hours of bullshit like t-shirt cannons, bad music, dance teams, guys playing drums on trash cans, being constantly yelled at to yell louder, and putting age/culturally inappropriate people on the Jumbotron so they can “Nae Nae”.  They try to wedge a little basketball in too.  This was where I learned what the “Nae Nae” was and delved into its cultural significance.  NBA games are not generally a good place to expand your knowledge base, but it paid off in this case.  It was then I decided that if the Jumbotron camera focused on me during the very exciting “Nae Nae” portion, I would pull my pants down and expose my scrotum, thus ending the days of putting unpredictable strangers on the Jumbotron to dance.  You would thank me later.

When I was at the Cavs game a military guy in fatigues proposed to what I assume was his girlfriend on the court broadcast live on the Jumbotron.  She said “yes” and everyone was really excited about it.  This came on the heels of the last game I went to prior where a guy in an ill-fitting sweater did the same thing.  It's the thing to do now.  Real original thinking there GI Joe…  If I was a woman that was proposed to on a Jumbotron in a sports arena in between the “Nae Nae” and sponsor mentions, I’d think long and hard about giving that guy the thumbs up.  If his idea of a romantic proposal is giving a ring after some nachos during the third quarter of a blowout between the Cavs and 76ers in front of 18,000 rubes, what other “good ideas” does he have?  Would it be a good idea to procreate with this gentleman?  I suggest not, though I am a curmudgeon as we have pointed out earlier.

Another thing I noticed at the Cavs game was this guy sitting in some insanely expensive courtside seat that appeared to think he was part of the team.  When the teams took timeouts, this guy would stand up and try to high five guys coming off the court.  The players, who appeared to be automatically giving anyone that was standing there high fives by sheer muscle memory, drifted by the guy without making eye contact.  They high fived him though until they realized he wasn’t affiliated with the team.  I think that guy must have been disappointed when all the players realized he was a creepy fan and started to walk openly around him.  Then came the "Nae Nae" segment.  That guy didn’t “Nae Nae", and I appreciate that.  I think LeBron and Co. did too.  

I drove home after the game.  This "Nae Nae" thing got in my head.  Now I wonder what else I don’t know about.


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