Sunday, January 15, 2017

Nurse the Hate: NFL Playoffs Continue

I heard that there was an ice storm in Kansas City which pushed the AFC Playoff game back to an 8p start.  I suppose that it is good for the overall fan safety to not have people attempting to drive on ice slicked roads while wearing racially insensitive facepaint and waving around rubber tomahawks.  In my mind I could see a young boy that would have gone to the game with his father.  Maybe he has a big poster up of Len Dawson, who I believe is the last KC Chief quarterback to throw for a touchdown in the 1967 season.  Maybe that young whippersnapper would have climbed into his father’s Ford F-150 pickup with a little Chief’s ski cap on his head.  And maybe his father would have said something like “reach into that cooler and get your Dad another Busch Light son” as he fiddled around with the radio trying to find the “Inside The TeePee” pregame show on K-Chief Radio.  Maybe his son would have even opened up that beer for his Dad when his father was intent on such pregame chatter like “It will be important today for Kansas City to control the line of scrimmage” instead of being intent on that patch of black ice.  And maybe when that Ford F-150 violently slid off the road and hit a tree opening up the truck like a can of beans, we would later use the word “sheared” to describe how the boy’s legs came off.  Maybe the rescue squad would be interviewed on TV news and say something like “Never in all my years of doing this job have I seen something so horrible…” and then look off to a faraway point.  And maybe a couple years from now we would all well up with tears when we saw the United Way ad with that boy in a wheelchair on the Chiefs sideline as whatever forgettable Chief skill position player said something like “this boy really showed me the meaning of the word courage”.  Now we don’t have to do that because they moved the game.  Oh, the game itself?  I think the Chiefs will win somehow.  They will win like they usually do, some bizarre combination of a punt return, a pick six, blocked kick and maybe a safety.  Kansas City -2.

I took Atlanta yesterday because I figured that everyone was so focused on Seattle winning the previous week that they forgot the Falcons were pretty good.  It’s the same thing with this Dallas v Green Bay game.  The tone the sports media has taken is that the Packers might not ever lose again because Aaron Rodgers is the greatest player ever.  Joe Buck sure likes Aaron Rodgers.  Joe Buck is right now applying lotion to his penis while watching Aaron Rodgers highlights.  He will have repeated this action so many times by kickoff that I think we can all assume that his skin in his overall groin area will be quite soft and hydrated.  However, I seem to recall that the Dallas Cowboys were fairly dominant all season.  How everyone forgot this, I’m not sure.  Whatever happened last is what people remember.  Green Bay won last week so they will always win.  Forever.  I like Dallas to be able to run the ball and grind.  The Cowboys are home after a week off while Green Bay is limping in with no Jordy Nelson.  The home teams have won and covered in all six NFL Playoff games so far.  I like that trend to continue.  Dallas -5.

Season Record:  30-13


At January 15, 2017 at 4:45:00 PM EST , Blogger Bobdontgiveaf#ck said...

Even though a combination of general nervousness and a historically myopic sense of pro football (wadda ya mean the Jets are out?!!) keeps me a stranger to the betting world, i nonetheless quite enjoyed this post. Poor little guy. I also look forward to the Fox broadcast where conflict can only ensue between Joe Buck's uncomfortable man-love for Rodgers and Aikman's unashamed homerism for them Cowboys. Thats good TV.

At January 16, 2017 at 10:10:00 PM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

Those were two good games. It's a wilderness of mirrors here on out.


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