Nurse the Hate: NFL Week 7

Things have not been going particularly well in the world of football gambling.  Just today I had envisioned a life for myself where I would be betting on football to support myself while living as an expat.  I think I could very quickly move into a situation where I would spend most of my day sitting at a café where various English speaking riff raff would spend their day hand rolling cigarettes, drinking powerful coffee, and discussing the various issues we were having with The State.  “Can you believe that the goddamn government won’t let me install internet in my apartment?  Well, at least the Cowboys covered.”  Then when the day ended I would shuffle down to my favorite local restaurant where the kind family that runs it would have taken a shine to my lady friend and me.  “Oh, Mr. Zhao!  You shouldn’t have reserved your finest table for us!  Yes, she is quite beautiful!”.  I, flush with cash, would wildly over tip because I hadn’t done the currency conversion correctly.  I’d drop 600 yuan on a bowl of bean curd and wonder why Mr. Zhao was so nice to send his daughter to clean my bathroom.

Yet for this scenario to come to pass I will need to start picking some consistent winners.  No one wants to be the loser in a foreign country that is forced by staggering gambling losses to take a job washing bowls while getting screamed at like the Russian Roulette soldiers in “The Deerhunter”.  That expat dream can go south fast.  When you are picking winners, you can throw money around and are a powerful man to be envied.  When you are losing, you are a fucking chump with a problem that needs to be flushed out of you with a lethal combination of Catholic scripture, swift canings, and group therapy.  While I am sure some good would emerge from that routine, I would much prefer just to pick a few winners and get back on track.  I am getting back to basics.

The Cleveland Browns are the worst professional sports organization in America, and most likely in the world.  In my opinion the team should be disbanded, the stadium torn down, and salt tilled into the earth where the stadium had stood so nothing could ever grow there again.  It would become like a spot where someone had spontaneously combusted and even insects won’t land on the blackened circle.  Nothing good can come from the Browns.  Thus, I am taking the Tennessee Titans -5.5 on Sunday.  I am well aware Titan QB Marcus Mariota’s hamstring might snap like a cheap guitar string.  It doesn’t matter who backs him up.  The Browns are 1-21 in their last 22 games.  Until the Browns win a game, we should assume they never will again.  Tennessee -5.5       

The Bears are very pleased with themselves after winning last week with their shiny new franchise QB.  Tribisky didn’t do anything to win that game, but why rain on the parade.  Let’s instead focus on the idea that the Bears aren’t very good, and I am beginning to get the suspicion that the Panthers are pretty good.  The Panthers are 5-0 ATS in their last five road games.  They don’t mind being on the road.  You ever watch a Panthers game on TV?  Nothing is more annoying than that fake panther growl when they get a first down.  They probably can’t wait to get out of town.  Carolina has a very good run defense which means the rookie QB will have to win it for the Bears.  I’ll take that bet.  Carolina -3.

Season Record:  6-7