Nurse the Hate: NFL Week Whatever

I am not going to be able to watch many of the games this week.  Normally I would be stuck watching the Browns lose to someone, but as some sort of Christmas Miracle I will be spared that fate.  As Christmas Miracles go, it's a big one.  If I look around I might be able to see a wise man walking past with some frankincense or myrrh.   If I have said it once, I have said it a hundred times.  The problem with society today is not enough myrrh.  I’m not even sure if I could identify myrrh if I saw it.  Where can someone even buy myrrh?  If I assume that a savior of some type has been born, what am I supposed to do?  Show up at the hospital without a big box of myrrh?  I suppose Amazon might deliver it.  They probably have a decent myrrh section on the website.

Sorry, I got off track.  The point I was trying to make is that I am not as engaged with the slate of games this week as normal.  I suppose I could bet against the Browns, but it’s not as much fun without laughing out loud at the team’s misfortune.  DeShone Kizer is actually a very fun player to watch if you have a big stack of money riding on his failure.  I love that guy.  However, this week the Browns take on the Packers.  The Packers without Aaron Rodgers are a VERY different team than with him.  With him all things are possible.  Without him they have no offense whatsoever.  Combine that with the Browns lack of offense, and the makings of one of the NFL’s worst games of 2017 is clearly present.  I just can’t muster up the energy to feel connected to something I see unravel on my phone updates.  Yet I would be a damn fool not to bet on the Browns to lose.

The Browns can be counted on to lose weekly.  They are 1-26 in their last 27.  Allow me to let you in on a little inside information.  This is what gamblers call “a trend”.  I do have some reservations regarding this week.  Every team that plays the Browns has the tendency to look past the Browns, which is normal because they are fucking terrible.  The Packers are just not very good without Rodgers.  They could find themselves down 10-0 after the first quarter and not be able to come back.  The Pack won last week after only throwing for 84 yards, so maybe they have more moxie than I think.  For those of us wishing for The Perfect Browns Season of 0-16, this is a game that causes some concern.  The Browns have a legitimate chance at winning at home in crappy weather.  Yet you don’t go 1-26 without good reason.  Bet the trend.  Green Bay money line.  

I might get to see some of the end of the late games.  With that in mind, I am going to go in on Washington +6 over the Chargers.  The Chargers might be the best team in the AFC West.  As I have noted before, it’s like being the best 90s Pop Punk Band.  You might be top of your heap, but your heap is terrible.  The Chargers have that great skill of being close in every game they play.  Hell, they managed to allow the Browns to hang around.  They always play to the level of their competition, up or down.  Now it’s true that Washington is horrifically injured.  If I read correctly, most of their starting backfield is currently in medically induced comas to prevent the men from screaming in pain in hospital beds.  Yet, whoever the Redskins have found in the Greater District of Columbia Area to play football for them this Sunday are likely as good if not better than the Browns.  Washington will hang in there.  I think San Diego wins but doesn’t cover.  I am hoping to see a cheap backdoor cover in this one with Vernon Davis catching an otherwise meaningless touchdown with 13 seconds left.  I can already visualize myself screaming out “Yes!” as indifferent sports bar patrons stare at me.  Washington +6

Season Record:  17-15-1