Nurse the Hate: Hate Huntington Bank

8.23.2018

Andy Harmening

Huntington Bank

17 South High Street

Columbus OH  43216

Andy,

I don’t know what you know about international wire transfers.  As a powerful executive in ‘The Banking Game’, I’d like to think you are well versed in the process.  However, based on my interaction with all the employees at your bank, this would be a potentially dangerous assumption.  It appears that very few (if any) of your employees are aware of the process or more importantly, the troubleshooting steps when there is an issue.  Allow me to explain.

I am attempting to pay for an LP pressing at a German record pressing plant.  I don’t know if you have dealt with many Germans, but they have a well-deserved reputation for being very focused on precision and timeliness.  For example, when my band has performed shows in The Fatherland (insider tip!  Fatherland is a term for “Germany”), there have been occasions where we have considered delaying a start time of a show.  For example, maybe a scheduled 9pm start is not wise due to a late arriving crowd from a sporting event that has run long.  I will suggest to the Germans that we delay.  The Germans will then huddle with one another in nervous fashion and debate for several minutes.  Then the spokesman will emerge to walk over to me to say, “We talked about it and decided to delay your start time.  Instead of 9pm, let’s make it 9:03.”.  I am not kidding.  This happened once.

I stopped at your Twinsburg branch where Tim Ferree initiated the wire transfer from the provided information from the pressing plant.  All appeared to be routine.  As far as I knew, the money was transferred, the Germans paid, and our records shipped to our European contact.  Several days later I received a terse email from The Germans asking me why they had not received payment.  I do not like receiving terse emails from Germans, and I don’t think you would either Andy.  It’s no way to greet a morning.

It seems they had not received the money.  I contacted your 800-customer service number where I spoke with a remarkably unhelpful woman that suggested I could only speak with Tim to receive assistance in discovering why my money had not been received.  I then called Tim who tried to figure out where the money had gone.  We then filled out “a dispute case” to send to “The Wire Department”.  After two days I had not received any information about A) where the money was B) a plan to find it or C) any sense of urgency in trying to do so.

Andy, I’m not a high rolling, pill popping, jet setting, life-on-the-razor’s edge Senior Executive Vice President of Consumer and Business Banking like you.  I’m just a simple “Song & Dance Man”.  Myself and my merry band of minstrels need to have our money to pay for our music projects on a timely basis.  We don’t drive around in well-appointed American luxury cars in our mink shoes like you wealthy banker types in Columbus.  We are hardworking folks that earned our money with our sweat and expect our bank to be as concerned about our money as we are.  This is not the case at Huntington, where, if I can use the parlance of the times, the bank appears to “give zero fucks” about the customer.

Now I realize this is strong language Andy, and I hate to use it, but I’m quite frustrated.  Let me tell you why.  After a 56-minute phone call in your cleverly designed “electronic phone dungeon” I finally threatened and cajoled my way into speaking to a human being that at least tried to help.  Jakob Nelson should be commended for at least admitting how completely incompetent the bank was handling this fiasco when he had to deliver the news to me that we could file an “elevated complaint”, which is I assume your version of “double secret probation” as per the National Lampoon film “Animal House”.  (A good film I highly recommend by the way).

The issue appears to be that Huntington wired the money to Wells Fargo who wired it to the German bank.  Each link in the chain takes days to respond to an inquiry on the ironically named SWIFT System, though I was promised they would be able to give me an answer on the location of my funds in ninety (90) days.  This is when I said to Jakob, “excuse me?” as it seems impossible that it could take 90 days to essentially find an email. 

In 90 days, you could have someone walk from Columbus, hitch a ride on an ocean freighter, disembark anywhere in Europe and take a train to the German bank to find the money.  What takes 90 days in business anywhere?  It takes 83 days to build a Boeing 777.  It would be a great reality tv show to have your “Wire Department” race the staff of Boeing.  On one side of the TV screen a person sits in front of a computer and a phone with all the information on my bank transfer.  On the other a group of people assemble a jet airliner from nothing a full week ahead of your employee.  Hell, they could build it and then fly to Germany and beat you guys to the money by 6.5 days.    

Andy, I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds when I offer this potential solution to this 90-day window of finding my money.  The telephone.  Yes, my friend, the telephone.  Someone at Huntington Bank could, in theory, pick up this device and reach someone at the bottleneck of this problem and say, “Pardon me, do you know where our customer’s money is because he is two weeks late paying some Germans and now they are losing their minds.”  Now I understand that Huntington Bank is not a big believer in the telephone as I found it impossible to reach you on the phone, or even leave you a message.  Huntington will also not allow me to speak with anyone in the fabled “wire department”, which might just be an email portal that goes to Wells Fargo where you clip your customers with an upcharge.  You don’t get mink shoes for free, eh?

My final email from Huntington today was that you have “requested for the funds to be returned.  They will be put back into your account, but I cannot give you a time frame.  I once had an instance where the return took over 30 days…”.  So, to review:

·         You lost my money

·         You told me you could tell me where my money was by Thanksgiving but instead…

·         You have “requested” the money be returned from this instantaneous electronic banking system that somehow takes a month

Andy, Huntington is not invested in keeping customers vaguely satisfied.  The bank has greased up a two by four and shoved it with great enthusiasm up my ass.  I need to pay the Germans with the money you lost, and I need to do it a week ago.  I find Huntington Bank’s position to be remarkably laissez faire.  I would suspect that if I had all your money and told you “Hey Andy, chill out dude.  Maybe I will find it by Thanksgiving.  Just tell your landlord not to freak.” you might have a little empathy.  My guess is that if someone lost Huntington Bank CEO Stephen Steinour’s wire transfer, people would be scuttling around like frantic spider monkeys over there.  “Hey Steve… chill out Bro.  We’ll look around for it tomorrow…”  I don't think that's going to fly.  You don't get to be the Senior Executive Vice President of Consumer Banking telling people like Stephen Steinour to "chill out".

So how about it?  Can someone do the right thing over there?  Can I get at least the appearance of some effort?  

Greg Miller

P.S.  I saw your company mission statement on your website.  Stop kidding yourselves.