Nurse the Hate: John Lydon at LAX

I saw this photograph of John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) yesterday landing at LAX Airport.  I would imagine you had a similar experience I did when seeing it, perhaps even muttering out a “wow” yourself.  The jokes popped into my head immediately.  Anarchy in the BK.  God Save the Dairy Queen.  Granted, Lydon is in a bit of an unfair situation.  Almost every photograph published of him is from 1978 when he was a lean 21 year old, the embodiment of personal freedom and the rebel spirit of punk rock. The point of comparison for Lydon as an amazingly overweight senior citizen in a track suit pulling his roller bag is especially cruel.  Let’s agree that it is an unfair situation.  However… 

Lydon is in LA to promote a documentary about his time in Public Image Ltd.  John is there on business.  John Lydon is in the “Johnny Rotten/John Lydon business”.  He only has two things he needs to do in that business.  1) He needs to be a grouchy iconoclast. 2) He needs to bear, at the very least, a passing resemblance to John Lydon.  That’s it.  That’s all he has to do.  He needs to tell some stories, say some outrageous things, and be the man the book is about.  He can’t show up like a fat old guy you feel sorry for because he gets winded walking the terminal to Cinnabon.  

I can already hear the apologists getting warmed up.  “That’s what makes him so punk!  He just doesn’t care about your expectations man!”  Stop it.  He didn’t become an enormous guy in a track suit because he was making a statement.  He became an enormous guy in a track suit because it was easier to eat shitty food and/or drink 11,000 beers than it was to maintain a semblance of his appearance.  To me the biggest tell is that he still has that orange dyed hair.  He lets it all go and essentially gave up, yet still keeps the orange hair.  If he wasn’t still putting a thin effort into being “rock and roll”, he would have just tossed on a little cap.  The orange hair lets you know that despite looking like a Benny Hill extra, he’s still “subversive”.

I watched an interview he gave yesterday on a digital platform I have never heard of with the director of the PiL documentary.  John gave it his best in his flannel shirt and sporty all black skater shoes, but with his fleshy face and accent he reminded me of an angry London wallpaper hanger that you stumble into a conversation with in a workingman’s pub.  “You a Yank, eh?  Wol I’ll tell ya bout these sods in powah.   Buying me a pint are you?  Noice!”  I couldn’t believe the transformation from even the Lydon of a few years ago.  The guy in this photo carries himself like an East End cab driver.      

I get it though.  It must be extremely tiring to pretend you’re still 24 when you’re at retirement age.  Can you imagine how many times Ronnie Wood must have thought, “Godammit, I don’t want to dye my hair black, toss it up in a rooster cut, and climb into these tiny size zero black jeans.  Can’t I just put on a pair of Dockers and get some fish and chips?  Can’t I just take a bus trip to a casino with people my own age and play video poker?”  It must be exhausting.  How many man hours are spent making Paul McCartney look like he is frozen in 1985?  Cher is a 72 year old woman.  She looks the same as she did 30 years ago.  She must be 85% plastic and wigs now.  However, no one is buying tickets to see a woman that looks like Granny Moses sing those terrible songs in a sports arena.  The illusion must be maintained for business.  Hell, even Elton John is in better shape and he's a disaster.

Maybe John Lydon is more punk than ever because he is confrontational and does what he wants.  It's a thin agrument, but it's an argument.  Still, I'll tell you this.  I am not paying to see a London wallpaper hanger try to belt out "Rise" in a track suit.  I would trust his opinion on Arsenal though.