Nurse the Hate: My New Shoes and NFL Week 14

 

I have been having all kinds of trouble with my left foot recently.  At any given time I might be in a walking boot or just gimping around.  The most frustrating part about it is that the condition doesn't appear to be directly linked to any action.  For example, if I was ascending Pike's Peak in my North Face Action Vest and multi lace Sport Tracker Adventure Hikers and felt a bit sore the next day I would feel that was just.  I had pushed myself too hard and that was the bill for the experience.  However, the most activity I am involved with now is walking up and down the stairs to my work bunker, a windowless tomb where I play the world's worst video game on my computer, also known as "my job".  I have installed an exercise bike where I meekly pedal away during all "optional" webinars, which are never "optional" but should be labeled "passive aggressively mandatory".  It doesn't seem fair that I have to hobble to the toilet for three days just because I wandered a Target store vainly seeking a replacement mixing bowl set.

As we continue on in The New Dark Ages, the memory of The Olden Times slowly fades like the ripples on a pond after tossing a stone.  I recall jumping around in cowboy boots singing songs I made up with my friends and feeding off the energy of the room.  My dusty cowboy boots stare at me in my closet.  "Why have you abandoned me?  We had such good times together.  Remember when you got me in Spain?"  That was then.  Now I have scheduled a "virtual appointment" with a podiatrist who I assume will charge me $235 to have me lift my foot up to my computer camera, squint into the screen, and then tell me to take anti-inflammatories and "stay off it".  I can tell where this is going.  After my next flare up, I will get back on a Zoom call with the doctor who will recommend some "special shoes".  "I know what you are thinking, but they make some very stylish orthopedic shoes nowadays.  Most people can't even tell you are wearing a medical mobility aide.  I'm going to send you over to Heelers Foot Solutions and get you set up with a pair of Propfit 150s.  Wear those for six months or so, and let's set up another virtual appointment.  By the way, do you still have United Healthcare insurance?".     

I was speaking with a former musical associate who was dealing with a bout of acid reflux.  A couple of guys who not that long ago bounced around Europe playing rock music suddenly find themselves in a much darker place.  I can see it now.  I will invite him over to watch football in my Work Bunker.  He will arrive in his Hazmat suit, the Great Plague still unvanquished.  I will clomp over in my Propfit 150s and offer him a nutrition wafer, a thin graham cracker like rectangle that is the only thing that won't upset his delicate system.  Clomp clomp clomp clomp... "Another nutrition wafer buddy?"  The only thing left will be gambling, rich rewarding NFL gambling.  

This week I like the Buffalo Bills chances.  The Steelers find themselves having to play their third game in 11 days.  They just lost their perfect season when they ran out of gas against a meek Washington team.  Now they have to deal with Buffalo, quietly one of the elite teams in the NFL.  Pittsburgh has that scent of a team that peaked too early.  This reminds me of that Peyton Manning Broncos team that went undefeated, lost a game and then dropped two of three.  There are too many things working against the Steelers this week.  Buffalo +2

God help me, I am taking Cleveland over Baltimore.  Look, Lamar's stat line looked good last week, but that was against Dallas, a team that is injury depleted, has given up, and has the worst defensive coordinator in football.  Watching that game last week I was taken by how many times Jackson missed easy passes.  He is not the MVP of 2019.  There is also a correlation between Jackson's decreased production and when teams see him the second time.  The Ravens are scuffling right now.  The last thing they need is to play a surging (yeah, I said it) Browns team that will be motivated to avenge their opening week embarrassment.  In the last six weeks, the Browns have the #6 offense and the #7 defense.  The Ravens are sitting #22.  Not only do you get the Browns, you get points?  Cleveland +2

Philadelphia is a train wreck.  Their offensive line is a disaster, so much so that Carson Wentz is a shell of the probable MVP player he was a few years ago.  The official diagnosis is that Wentz "has the yips", which is the catch all to signify "he can't play well anymore".  I can understand it.  Every offensive play in Philly is the same.  Snap the ball.  One one thousand, two one thousand, Wentz gets hit from multiple directions by violent dinosaurs.  Not to worry.  Philadelphia management has a solution.  They are going to take Jalen Hurts, a rookie that most scouts feel was a reach to be taken in Round 2, and toss him out for his first start against the elite New Orleans Saints defense.  When we saw this movie previously, the Broncos started a wide receiver at QB that went 1-9 for 13 yards and two INTs.  Now I don't think Hurts will do that poorly as playing QB is what he does professionally, but he's not beating the Saints.  New Orleans -6.5     

Season Record:  20-17-1