Nurse the Hate: My Head Cold and NFL Week 3

 

I got some monster head cold midweek.  At first I was convinced it was covid.  That is because any symptom for almost any ailment is potentially covid.  I used to go on WebMD when I thought that was a useful tool, but every time I used that the prognosis came back as "stomach cancer".  Now I take one of the million covid tests I have laying around and it comes back negative.  That's when you can count on someone popping up to tell you, "My co-worker's sister-in-law came up negative on a covid test, but it was a false negative and now she's in an iron lung!".  The key is to limit your contact to the MAGA crowd, the ones that create their own reality where climate change is a somehow well funded scam from the flimsy solar panel companies, San Francisco is 1946 Calcutta, and covid was a confusing pyramid scheme dreamt up by Bill Gates so the poor guy could finally make a buck.  It's best to stick the head in the sand.

We were on tour in Switzerland once and a head cold ricocheted around the tour van.  Leo, of course, got it first as he fully committed to his "streaking comet across the sky" lifestyle as soon as his boots hit the ground.  Staying up overnight on a Redeye flight and then partying your ass off for the next two days essentially guarantees getting a cold, and that's what happened.  In retrospect, that's exactly what I did as I flew in from San Francisco last Sunday night/Monday morning watching bad movies and then rolled into work like nothing happened.  I'm too old and rickety to pull the same shit Leo did a decade ago.

Anyway, Leo gets this cold and since you're all cooped up in a tin can together, it's only a matter of time before we all get it.  We had this guy Richard driving us around on that tour.  I can't remember why Christoph wasn't "driving the tank", but it was Richard that time.  Anyway, after the incident immortalized on the Daredevils song "Just The Thing", I was sitting feeling sorta shitty staring at a cup of tea with Richard in this Euro Hostel breakfast room.  It's all plastic chairs, tiny cups, and little yogurts.  Richard, at about the same point in his cold that I was, stroked his beard and said the following words of wisdom.  "It doesn't matter if we sit here or get on with it.  Either way, we will feel like shit.  We might as well get on with it."

So, let's get on with it.  I don't know if it's the leftover buzz of NyQuil, but I am making some very questionable choices on this week's slate of NFL games.  Check this out.  I am going to bet on the Carolina Panthers with Andy Dalton starting over Seattle in Seattle.  I think the Panthers are better with Dalton instead of Young here in Week 3.  Those rookie QBs get their ass kicked early.  The game moves too fast for them.  Dalton is going to dink and dunk the Panthers between the 20 yard lines like he always does and keep it close.  Seattle is a little concerning.  Geno Smith has been playing like Old Geno instead of New Geno, so I don't think these teams are too far apart.  Also factor in that the 12th Man thing from the old Seahawks is a myth at this point with Seattle covering less than 50% at home.  I took this early in the week at +6, and the line is sitting at 5 now.   I loved it at Carolina +6 and still like it at +5.

With a quivering hand, I placed a bet on Baker Mayfield and the Bucs.  It's incredible that the reliably stupid grifting Browns ownership is paying a king's ransom for a QB that isn't as good so far this season as Baker Mayfield.  This isn't so much a testament to Mayfield, but more of a karmic payback to the Haslams.  Arguing Watson vs Mayfield is like arguing over which burger is better, Checkers or Burger King.  They both are crappy.  I'm gambling on Mayfield not doing anything stupid and playing the role of game manager vs the Eagles, a team that appears to be lovingly embracing the "Super Bowl Hangover".  Syndicate money has been pouring in against Philly all year, and I like going where that money is.  I took Tampa +6 at the same time I did the Carolina bet, and the line is sitting at 5 and dropping fast.  This feels like a backdoor cover game.

I put money on Zac Wilson.  I recognize this was the NyQuil working.  I was sitting in bed thinking "I bet this Jets v Patriots game will be a slog".  The over/under is sitting at 35 right now if you dare.  (I don't). However, the over/under does suggest points will be at a premium.  I tied the Jets into the Rams who might be better than the Bengals right now and took the points.  I regret doing it now, and to be honest I don't remember doing it, but I'm on Jets +8.5/Rams +9.   Yes, I know Wilson will throw a pick six to lose this wager for me.  Yes, Wilson will generate 76 yards of offense all game.  I know...  But I did it anyway.

Ye Gods.

Season record:  3-5