Friday, July 29, 2011

Nurse the Hate: Hate Bret Favre

As all the NFL franchises scurry around like roaches exposed to houselights trying to sign players, I have but one thought as I listen to all the analysis and speculation. Will there be one August in my lifetime when I won’t hear pundits discuss the likelihood and potential teams interested in Bret Favre’s Triumphant Return? It seems impossible doesn’t it? Every time this year we hear about drought, the price of gasoline, Back-To-School sales, and how Team X may want to make a run at Bret Favre to possibly take them “over the top” in the upcoming NFL season.

Sure, there is a track record of Favre hanging out at his ranch driving around on his tractor (or whatever the fuck he does all Summer), and then slyly ducking training camp to sign at the last minute. He then arrives in prime time to bask in the glow of the media lights as ESPN anchors ejaculate on the red carpet as His Highness strides confidently past. He certainly is more compelling a story than where Kyle Orton is going to land, this I grant you. However, haven’t we all finally had enough?

I seem to recall Bret Favre looking every day of his 41 years last year. When he was healthy, he still looked damn good. Of course, he was healthy for about 23 minutes. I don’t know too many 41 year old dudes that could bounce back from having three 385 pound monsters that run 4.7 40 yard dashes crash into them. The problem with playing QB in the NFL isn’t the flak you catch for sending pictures of your ween to young female interns. The problem is you don’t heal like you did when you were 23 and some animal snaps your shoulder. Steroids work pretty great, but not that great. If they did, our pal Joe Montana would still be slinging it for the Chiefs instead of selling borderline orthopedic shoes like Shape-Ups.

I think we can all finally agree that even if Favre wants to make a Lazurus like return to the NFL, the expiration date is (finally) past. The question remains, when will ESPN realize it?


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