Saturday, March 21, 2015

Nurse the Hate: Tournament Day 3

Today I am on my way to Bordeaux to tackle that WSET Level 3 exam and crash some En Premeur tastings at chateau where I have no business being.  Thanks to the marvels of The Interwebs, I think I might be able to watch college basketball while I travel.  Logic naturally dictates that I should really get after it today after yesterday became almost a wash.  In retrospect I should have just bet on West Virginia as aggressively as an angry Hun. Had that been the case I would have purchased two tickets to some tropical paradise and then flown the Frenchies in to teach me there while watching my bikini clad female companion trot about while I debated the merits of Burgundy vintages.  Ah, the path untraveled...

The way I see today fleshing out is like this.  I really talk myself into a dangerous wager on a mid afternoon game.  I lose that, seeing the end of it in an Airport Lounge while I spit out statements like "play some fucking defense you fucking fucks" and "how the fuck do you miss that layup you piece of shit?".  Despite the lounge being crowded, there will be an empty one seat cushion around me in all directions as the cloud of bad vibes will be evident to even the most clueless observer.  I will finally get up after the final buzzer seals my fate and the other patrons will make eye contact as if to communicate "finally that creep is out of here".  This will turn set up the doomsday scenario of me being stuck in coach watching a dicey Direct TV feed on the tiny screen in front of me.  Some French guy will sniff dismissively as I contort in the uncomfortable seat with each lead change.  My thinking is that this distraction must be better than watching Transformers 3 or Two and a Half Men re-runs.  The die has been cast.  Let's begin...

The great thing about those first round upset teams is that how sudden their fall from "instant celebrity" to "incredibly obscure college basketball team" strikes.  I fully expect UCLA, who benefitted from a shockingly bad goaltend call to even be here, to eliminate UAB.  The Public likes Cinderella.  I like The Chalk.  UCLA -5.

 As I don't know anything about any of the teams, I will continue to bet on teams where I have some affection for the fan base.  The University of Cincinnati is a great place to go to school if you want to be assaulted by street thugs on the way to your freshman level English class.  I remember trying to load the van one time as a race riot came to a boil after a show. It should be pointed out that we did nothing to instigate this race riot, but played a set obliviously at Sudsy Malone's, a club and self serve laundry.  The smoking was so heavy in that place that it may be the only laundromat in history where the clothes came out dirtier than when they went in.  Ah Cincinnati University...  Look, they are going to lose to Kentucky. We all know that.  Every dipshit on the planet is betting on KY.  I'm going the other way and hope that Cincinnati can just sort of hang around in the game.  This is probably a mistake.  Cincinnati +17.

I'm going to bet against Xavier.  That fistfight of a game they won two days ago had to have taken something out of them.  Looking at their results, they tend to play close.  I had never even heard of Georgia State before Thursday.  They are that perfect example of sudden stars that none of us will remember on Tuesday.  I just need them to keep it close.  I am taking Georgia State +7.5.  As an aside, this seems like the type of school where Krusty may eventually get a job, grumpily teaching "Introduction to Politics" to uninterested C students from the outer rings of Atlanta.  He will have to say at least once a day "No, I don't teach at Athens.  I'm not at Georgia.  I'm at Georgia State."


At March 25, 2015 at 12:00:00 AM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

The curse of Cincy and Xavier. Saw good games in Pittsburgh and won all my local bets. Life is good. Always said that Sudsey's is a the repeating series of wash, rinse, repeat for perpetuity.


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