Thursday, May 15, 2008

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Little Things

I am in Europe right now. I love Europe for the care and attention to detail they pay to the little things. It is this attention to detail that improves the overall quality of life. This is one area that could use much improvement in the US. We are all about MORE instead of less but with quality. These Euros really have a few things down. However, there are a few things that really baffle me about the overall lifestyle here.

1) Showers: I have railed against this in the past, and I will address it again now. Why is every shower roughly the size of a phone booth? Why is every shower head located at about mid chest? These Germans, Swiss, and Dutch are very tall people. They are most famous for exporting things like luxury automobiles, fine watches, and jewelery. So these same guys that work all day fine tuning a seven thousand dollar watch never thought, "Hey, we ought to raise this shower head about 2 feet and widen this stall while we are at it."? Confusing...

2) Why is everything closed all the time?: From the time I landed on Saturday afternoon to Tuesday afternoon I was unable to buy a simple list of goods because stores, post offices and banks are apparently NEVER open. Every third day is a religious holiday over here despite the fact that NO ONE goes to any kind of church. I hate to even say it, but if you drop about fifteen hundred 7-11s in here with some well placed 24 hour super center supermarkets and the culture changes overnight. We can get them fat, and spoiled in no time.

3) What is with the Turkish mullet?: Turks are kind of like Mexicans over here. They are living outside the mainstream while nudging themselves slowly into the culture. As far as I can tell, they exclusively run kebob shops and internet cafes. The other thing they do is proudly fly the mullet. From what I have seen here, the latest fashion trend for the young Turkish male is a mullet accented with a cheap gold chain. It is a whole cross section of the population that looks like the male cast of Footloose. That brings the question. Is Turkey a country that looks like a midwestern American high school in 1987?

Random Notes: When did LeBron James start to refer to himself in third person? That is a real J Bag move. Dude, you put a ball in a hoop. On your biggest games only about 8 percent of the population is interested enough to watch. News flash. All that King James hype is to sell sneakers...Is there anything more boring than glam? Every town has a group of guys in skinny black jeans and eyeliner pretending to be the New York Dolls. Here is the glam rock playbook: Look slightly disinterested while playing nearly identical songs. Make sure all stage banter is about how fucked up you are on habit forming drugs despite the fact you have drank about 5 beers and will drive home to your parents house after the show. Wear one piece of women's clothing as a fashion accessory. Dye your hair black. Ready? Now you look like everyone else in this little glam army. Go get em kid.


At May 15, 2008 at 10:35:00 PM EDT , Blogger ScottyJ said...

Hope the shows are goin' good. Feel free to bring me back somethin'.

At May 21, 2008 at 6:47:00 PM EDT , Blogger ScottyJ said...

By the way, the Reds swept the Tribe last weekend.

Yes, the Cincinnati Reds. MY Cincinnati Reds.

I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true.


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