Monday, October 20, 2008

Nurse the Hate: Hate Jimmy the Greek

Jimmy the Greek can gnaw on my stinky ball sack. I remember when he used to sober up long enough to deliver his locks of the week that were on target about a third of the time. That guy was the worst. Here's a quick flashback to 1974... "Give the points with Steve Bartkowski and the Falcons. These guys are fired up and they should beat up on this no name Terry Bradshaw kid and the alleged Steel Curtain defense. People say the Steelers are on the rise, but I say it's all hype. They'll be lucky to win 6 games! Today is all Falcons! Bet the house on it!" Then the Steelers win by 34 points and he's on a 4:00 talking about how "James Harris and the Rams are a lock today!" before they lose to Billy Kilmer and the Skins by a field goal. (How about that for a trip to 1974?) He should have gotten the axe from CBS on lack of performance well before that ugly "blacks have an extra muscle in their leg" rant.

It's a New Age now. I am the greatest sports prognosticator of all time. I am a man that sees into the future with a startling clarity. I am going to get a man perm, buy a silver sharkskin suit, and start a 900 number with this rock solid information I provide. It's pure G-O-L-D. I am going to move to Reno, and set up my world headquarters. (I'd move to Vegas, but it seems like there's too much competition. Also, Reno seems more old school and a better fit with my new sharkskin suit lifestyle. I imagine I'll spend a lot of time making cell phone calls in diners to guys named "Rocky" and "Stan". I will also refer to waitresses as "Darling" with regularity.)

4-1 last week including a money line winner with the Raiders? You should be rolling around in a big stack of hundies in your tighty whities. You know why? This can't last much longer. I'm not going to keep it up, and I'll bankrupt you (and myself) by Thanksgiving! But let's swing for the fences now while we can!


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