Saturday, June 6, 2009

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Track




I am going to the track today to lose my ass on the Belmont. I don't know anything about horse racing. I know even less about horses in general. But I will not let those two little inconveniences get in my way today. No Sir. Look, here's the way I see it. My commission sales job has made it almost impossible to support myself in the way in which I have become accustomed. Therefore it is time to make the final step and become a professional gambler. (Or become Art Schliester, but I guess time will tell.)

After doing some recon on line, I have discovered a few facts about this race that are unquestionable. 1) Everybody is getting on Mine That Bird because they love that crazy hillbilly jockey. 2) Everyone think Chocolate Candy is a live dog. 3) No one knows what they are talking about either.

Based on that, I am going to play a Superfecta box of Mine That Bird/Chocolate Candy/Charitable Man/Summer Bird. I will also do an exacta box of Charitable Man/Mine That Bird. With my past history at the track, I will go home a loser. With the exception of one glorious KY Derby (hit the trifecta) and one afternoon at the Dog Track in Daytona (won enough to pay for gas to go home at Spring Break), I always lose. Everyone does. That's why no one goes to the track anymore.

Random Notes: I see that some American Olympic snowboarding woman died mountain climbing in France. People are shocked. Why? Life isn't like a Mountain Dew commercial. Climbing around on high places without ropes is dangerous. That's what you get for being "extreme Dude". Just the other day I was flipping around the channels and saw a program about some guy that was horribly injured doing flips on his motorcycle off of giant dirt mounds. What, this was a surprising end? You tell me you are surprised you fucked your neck up doing back flips on a motorcycle 100 feet in the air? Who didn't see that coming? Let's just say it. There is no bigger waste of time than the X Games. An endless parade of guys do the same basic trick over and over while a mall punk rock soundtrack plays underneath it. That whole thing is to sell soda and shoes. Hate it... Make a bet against the Cardinals on Sunday. Joel Pineiro, the Cards starter, is going to "try his best" to pitch through back spasms because St Louis is out of options. They just put their #2 starter on the 15 day DL, and Pineiro fees like he has to make his start. Maybe take the over on that one too depending on the number... I busted out a 1998 Chateau La Grave a Pomerol last week, and that wine is Very Nice... One of the worst songs anyone can do in karaoke is "Honky Tonk Woman". People think it's really easy because they all sing the first line while they are by themselves in the car. However, when they go for the chorus, hold the kids tightly, because it's not pretty. I almost was reduced to tears when I heard some dude in a backwards ball cap sing that on stage at a Rock Fantasy Camp event I stumbled into last night. Grim.

5 Comments:

At June 8, 2009 at 5:04:00 PM EDT , Blogger the otter said...

wow! that picture of you at the track is a bit of a shocker greg. that T.V. sh*t is really takin' a toll.

 
At June 8, 2009 at 11:03:00 PM EDT , Blogger Greg Miller said...

Nobody ever said a recession was a picnic...

Greg

P.S. Missed that Superfecta by one lousy horse, however did go 4 for 4 on MLB on Sunday. Nice!

 
At June 10, 2009 at 2:13:00 PM EDT , Blogger AZ Girly said...

This cracked me up - for most of the race, I thought I might win my trifecta box, which is always my fav kind of win at the track. Damn those bird horses, anyway. The jockey (Mine That Bird) was pretty hilarious, but the trainer was even better - did you see the interview with him after the Derby?

 
At June 15, 2009 at 9:29:00 PM EDT , Blogger Greg Miller said...

I think those guys were Hollywood plants. There's no way central casting didn't provide them to perk up horse racing...

 
At June 16, 2009 at 10:42:00 AM EDT , Blogger AZ Girly said...

See, I was convinced after a pretty good amount of tequila that it was just Tim McGraw on crutches and pain pills...

 

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