Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Nurse the Hate: Tournament Day 1 Locks

Most of your co-workers will gather around the water cooler and talk about their $10 brackets in the Good Ole Office Tournament Bracket Pool. Those people are God Damn Cowards. Real men step up and take advantage of this cornucopia of wagering available to them. This is a horn of plenty, and only a gutless turd wouldn't open up an offshore account immediately. You know that guy in shipping? I'll bet he can get some action down for you. They are practically giving money away! And on St. Patrick's Day no less! What could be better than wearing a plastic green derby watching an otherwise meaningless game while some shitty faux Irish band plays "Dirty Old Town"? You won't even mind that blonde with the sparkly shamrock on her face barfing on your shoes when some kid you never heard of hits a 3 pointer to cover a 2.5 point spread at the buzzer.

Here's all you need to know about tomorrow's action...

If you know me, you know I love the Mountaineers. I think I really grew to love WVU when their fan base traveled to Cleveland's Wolstein Center a few years back for the tournament and wound up sitting next to Princeton Fan. The Princeton fans may have had the good jobs and fancy houses, but they didn't have any rebounding from their team. They also had couches that would be easily set on fire by the junkyard dog Mountaineer fans. I think that betting public always underestimates WVU and thinks of them as crazy inbred hillbillies. This may be true, but those crazy inbred hillbillies can really kill you out at the perimeter. Clemson had to play their way in, and yet is getting only two points over a Big East tested WVU team? Clemson is also 1-5-2 vs Tournament teams this season. West Virginia -2 over Clemson is a gimme. This is my biggest play of the day.

I watch a lot of Horizon League basketball. As such, I have seen Butler play a lot this year, and am very familiar with this team. This is not a point of pride, but a matter of circumstance I might add. Some people turn to woodworking, masturbation, or The Good Book on a long winter's night. I turn to gambling on Horizon League basketball. It's a sad admission, but a sad admission that will pay off right now. Right now there are a bunch of dopes that got burned by betting against Butler last year in the tournament. They will step up this year and take Butler +2 to get their revenge despite the fact that the 2010-11 Butler Bulldogs have very little in common with the 2009-10 Butler Bulldogs. Butler blocks 1.6 shots a game, putting them 325th in the nation. (Quick... name 324 Division 1-A teams) Meanwhile Old Dominion gets almost all their points inside the 3 point line. Matt Howard of Butler may already have two fouls on him. I saw how Old Dominion handled Cleveland State earlier this year. They pounded it inside. That's what they will do to Butler too. Take Old Dominion -2.

Temple is down to 7 players after an injury to their center. He broke his right patella, and that can't be good for your chances of running up and down the court and jumping. Since John Chaney left Temple, they are 0-11 in tournament play. Penn State, on the other hand, has picked up momentum and went to the Big 10 Tournament Championship game. Temple played the 85th toughest schedule in the country. Penn State played the second toughest. Oh yeah, Penn State is getting 2.5. I wouldn't bet the house on it, but throw some love to Penn State +2.5.

Last minute update: Krusty loves the OVER in the Wisconsin v Belmont game. Belmont scores like crazy, but it is assumed Wisconsin is the better team. He believes it is a myth that the better team (Wisconsin) will control the pace. Take the over 126 and make a serious play. (Well, Krusty says so anyway...)


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