Friday, August 24, 2012

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Boat Club 4



8/24/2012

Dr. Joey
Membership Chairman
Wildwood Yacht Club


Dr. Joey,

  I have received information, probably erroneously, concerning my immediate admittance to your esteemed Yacht Club from an anonymous email.  I usually don't respond to wild Internet rumors, but this caught my attention.  I have been searching for a place to launch my kayak, drink to excess, and give myself a title within the organization that has no responsibilities whatsoever, yet has a great deal of power.  Imagine if Stalin joined your club and had a kayak.  That said, I don't think of Stalin as much of a Man of the Sea.  He probably got drunk on vodka, and went on and on and on about dubious Tales From The Sea that left everyone else nodding nervously and weakly smiling at appropriate times.  I can't imagine anyone wanted to risk 30 years in a gulag in Siberia by saying "bullshit" to a Stalin story about the time he fought off a sixty foot giant squid with a gaffing hook.

  I would like to know more about your organization and find out if this might be the seafaring home I have been searching for.  My credentials are impeccable.  I have taken my kayak out on Lake Erie eight (8) times, and only came close to death once.  I also have a cadre of associates that have embraced the Old Salt lifestyle, though admittedly some of them are borderline alcoholic and unpredictably violent.  I would probably limit the visits from a number of these individuals to once or twice per season, and never on long weekends when their behavior becomes almost impossible to harness.

  I look forward to your response.

  Cheers,

  Greg Miller

1 Comments:

At September 4, 2012 at 7:54:00 PM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

Would a recommendation from the Eye Patch Kid help the process move along?

 

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