Saturday, October 6, 2012

Nurse the Hate: Hate College Football

I am feeling rather smug today after hitting both of the baseball underdogs yesterday.  This is a bad place to be mentally as the weather is expected to be cold and crappy all day.  I will be stuck indoors with nothing to do.  I'm like a six year old with a credit card.  Those winners on the dogs yesterday will lead me to believe that I am on some sort of predestined roll, and begin to throw large sums of money at college football teams that I probably can't even identify the mascot of, much less an individual player or team strength.  If I don't check myself, I might say "Colorado State can't put any pressure on the QB, and with Fresno's speed outside, no way they can stop Fresno from covering seven."  I don't know if a single part of that is true, but I'm telling you right now that's exactly the kind of shit talk you might get from me if I win these early games.

God help us all.

Every single person you know is on Boston College today.  That woman that just walked by with her little dog?  She's got a hundo on BC.  Probably has 50 on the over.  That kid on the BMX bike?  He has BC wheeled in on some kind of seven team play involving the OVER on the West Virginia/Texas game.  I don't blame any of them.  Army is fucking terrible.  Army lost to Stony Brook 23-3 last week at home.  I will have to look it up, but I think Stony Brook is a retirement community.  Army is 0-4 running an offense from 1952, and there is no hope in sight.  Granted, Boston College blows too.  They beat Maine, and lost to the three legitimate teams they played this season.  But still, they beat Maine, right?  That's gotta count for something.

I am going to go with my time proven method of counter selecting and take Army +7.  I would like to go on the record as saying this is like taking Poland +4 vs Germany in 1939.  I can offer no real reason why Army will win this game, or even hope to compete.  This is self destructive behavior on my part.  This line should be Boston College -11, but it isn't.  That means you have to go Army +7.   Gulp.

I don't really know anything about Oklahoma or Texas Tech.  I drove through Norman Oklahoma this Spring and it is a desolate plain utterly without charm.  It's probably a good place to buy a pickup truck or meet a gal with child birthin' hips named Kristin.  Oklahoma has always had a national identity as a football powerhouse, and that's always good when an underdog like Texas Tech is at home.  Guys like me that don't know anything but want a reason to feel dialed in to the Oklahoma game on ESPN will bet on Oklahoma because it's a team they have watched have past success.  "Oklahoma...  They're good.  Gimme fifty on them."

The home team in this game has won seven of the last eight.  The game today is in Texas Tech, and they are getting five.  Sounds good to me.  I don't know where the campus of Texas Tech is, but I bet it's a flat desolate plain where you can buy a used pickup truck and meet a nice blonde with birthin' hips named Brandi.  All things considered, I will take the five points and the home field.  Texas Tech +5.

UCLA is favored going into Cal by 2.5.  I don't know why it isn't more.  Cal is 1-4, and 1-4 against the spread with their only cover against Ohio State.  Let's be honest here, Ohio State and the rest of the Big 10 are not exactly the cream of the crop in college football this year.  Anyone from the Pac-10 should cover vs the Big 10.  That being said, I saw Cal play a couple of times this season and I wasn't what you would call "impressed".  In fact, I fell asleep on the couch with my mouth open one time, and the other I got distracted by a rerun of the movie "Rushmore".  This does point out that I am watching these games much less than in a "scout" capacity, but more as a "degenerate" role.  Still, you don't have to be an expert to watch Nickleback play several gigs to know that they suck.  Why do I have to watch five games of Cal?  You can just look at things sometimes and say "Hmm.  That's not very good, is it?"

I keep reading a lot of West Coast press about this being a "trap game" for UCLA.  That seems like a smoke screen to me.  It's a planted story by either the UCLA coaches to get their kids attention, or it's from the sports books trying to get some money on Cal.  UCLA is 4-1 against the spread, and I think they cover a field goal here.  UCLA -2.5  

Current Record Vs. Spread:  3-2


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