Friday, September 21, 2012

Nurse the Hate: Hate the Election

If this election doesn’t happen soon, I may lose my mind.  Political spending in NE Ohio has smashed all previous records, with the TV spending along surpassing that of all other markets.  To give you an idea of what that means, there has been more money spent by politicians in the Cleveland market than in Los Angeles.  Los Angeles commercials cost approximately four times as much as they do in Cleveland, so that explains why anytime you even walk close to a television someone is telling you why either candidate is “Bad For America” or “Bad For You”.

Frankly, I could care less who wins any of the races at this point.  Your choice is “Special Corporate Interest Cluster #1” or “Special Corporate Interest Cluster #2”.  It would be great to think that either of these groups of people gave a shit about helping the people that live in the United States, but if you are spending $38 million dollars on TV advertising in Cleveland alone, chances are that all of the people that gave you that money are going to be interesting in recouping their investment with some rather sizeable interest tacked on.  Remember that every time that the TV is telling you “Obama Is Actually A Radical Muslim” or “Romney Will Gut and Destroy All Working People”, the people that paid for that ad are expecting to get a go ahead on a $45 billion dollar nuclear submarine we don’t need.  You don’t become wealthy by investing unwisely.  These people are going to need to get paid.

The wild ass spending on these ads accomplish one thing though.  No matter who wins, you will hate them by the time they take office.  My understanding of the candidates is as follows:  If I vote for Obama, I am voting for the economic destruction of America by a man that wasn’t even actually born here, and is thus not really a citizen.  He may actually be a crazed Muslim radical that has been quietly waiting to destroy us all in his second term, but only after his very confusing health care plan guarantees that no one will ever be able to get to see a competent doctor again.  This is Bad For America.  My other choice is Romney, a man that wants to return America to a 1700s puritanical era and unleash all regulation from Big Business, thus turning all of us that are not billionaires into little more than serfs in a new slave state.  Middle Class Americans will not be able to even afford their homes while the extremely wealthy will look down from mighty palaces guarded by gangs of gun toting thugs.  This is also Bad For America.

I was talking to a guy this week that told me in hushed tones that just because there is a chance Obama might win, he has friends in Southern Ohio that have constructed bomb shelters and are hoarding ammunition and gold.  I’m not sure why if the guy that is running things now continues to keep his job all vestiges of a civilized society will collapse.  I don’t think we are on the brink of that now, but what do I know?  It’s probably fun constructing a Doomsday shelter anyway.  It’s like a clubhouse but with more guns and canned goods.  These are probably the same people that got ready for the 2000 Doomsday, and were disappointed when that didn’t go off.  Eventually we will have something terrible happen, and maybe they will get their Dark Ages Anarchy they are hoping for.   Then they will be able to confidently stride around with ammo belts and sacks of gold.  Sure, I’ll feel like an asshole when that happens, but I just don’t have time to dig a shelter right now.  

There are still another seven weeks of this shit to go.  Another seven weeks of people posting wild rumors and twisted views on their Facebook posts.  Economic doomsaying emails from business acquaintances.  Wacky cut and paste photoshop jokes.  In depth analysis of the campaign from people that don’t know what they are talking about.  Man on the street interviews that will confirm how stupid 90% of the population is.  Yard signs to alienate neighbors and passersby.  Arguments with people that go nowhere.  It’s such a fun time…

No matter who wins, it probably won’t make much of a difference to you and me.  The sun will come up.  Shit will happen.  Then more shit will happen after that.  Know this though…  I have been paying attention to you.  I know how you are going to vote.  I think you need to know something.  I know a few things.  The candidate you are voting for?  He’s Bad For America.


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