Sunday, September 28, 2014

Nurse the Hate: Hate the NFL Week 4 2014

It is a quiet Sunday with nothing to do but think and gamble on Football.  This is what God intended when he sent Moses walking across the water to proclaim Sunday as a day of rest and perform the miracle of the fishes to all those tailgaters at that party so long ago.  I may have missed a detail or two on that.  I didn't pay attention as much as I should have in Sunday School.  However, the important thing to remember is Sunday is what you make of it.  I will not allow my Sunday to be compromised by bad vibes.  All around me others are making terrible decisions, but I will be strong and move ahead in a brave new world.  Some of you will come with me on a ride to glory.  Others will be left behind wondering about opportunities lost and why you can't pay the electric bill.

I will once again break my cardinal rule and bet on the Jets.  I don't know why I am doing this.  It is sure to end in disaster, yet then again isn't life just a series of doomed mistakes repeated again and again?  Don't even get me started on a discussion of the wheel and spoke theory of time and choice and destined outcomes.  It's too much to deal with...  That is the kind of talk that is best for late night hours by a fire where the fog of the evening will allow the jibbersih to make sense.  A bottle of cognac and a professorial guy in a turtleneck smoking a pipe thoughtfully would help too.  It has no place on a Sunday morning where the goal is to pick winners.  Nobody wants an asshole with a pipe and an Abe Lincoln beard around when you are going to lay down money on a dysfunctional team like the Jets.  Hear me out on this thing though...  The Jets have covered their last 17 of 19 after a loss.  That is because since the Jets are based out of Media Capital USA, and the overreaction to a Jets loss makes the public question if the team will ever win again.  Frankly, I don't know if they will or can, I just need the cover.  I'm on the Jets at home +2.  Oh, one more thing... The Lions are 4-16 as road favorites.  You on board now?  Jets +2

The Miami Dolphins are playing the Oakland Raiders in London today.  This must be some payback we have on the British for something that happened in the late 1700s.  I have no idea why they have to be subject to such a horrible football game as this.  Then again, we have had to endure the Spice Girls, Culture Club, and endless coverage of the Royal Wedding.  They should have to watch a jet lagged Dolphins team do almost nothing against a plain out horrible Raider team at some horribly inflated ticket price.  Oakland has lost 15 in a row in EST.  Now they flew another six hours east to play?  I don't care if the Dolphins got to England by being washed ashore on a shipwreck.  I'm on Miami all day at -3.5.

It took about a decade, but the General Public finally woke up to the fact that the Dallas Cowboys suck.  They have always been the glitzy team that everyone talks about, but no one seemed to notice that they are really just the Detroit Lions with better cheerleaders.  Now it has become so fashionable to shit talk the Cowboys that everyone assumes they will lose no matter who they are playing.  For example, Vegas estimates that the Cowboys would be +4 against Yale.  OK, I made that up, but it was only to be clever and make a point.  They would kick the fuck out of Yale.  Well, at home they would.  I think.  Today Dallas plays New Orleans in Dallas and they are getting three at home.  I have a sneaking suspicion that the Saints aren't all that pundits think they are, while Dallas is better than perception.  I'll take the Cowboys at home with a field goal.  Why?  The Saints are 1-7 in their last eight road games.  The Saints only play well at home where they get the benefit of the opposing team staying up till 5am in a transvestite jazz club after knocking back too many hurricanes in some filthy Bourbon Street tourist trap.  It's tough to blitz Brees effectively when barfing every ten minutes.  Dallas +3.

Season Record:  6-3


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