Saturday, November 22, 2014

Nurse the Hate: Hate the NFL 2014 Week 12

There is too much noise in the world now.  Everyone has a voice.  Even me.  All of us are shouting to be heard.  The nonsensical din is a roar of a jet engine with only the wildest “what the fuck did you say?” comment cutting through.  Then when others notice that the wild comment got attention, leap on it themselves to hope some of the light will shine on them as well.  Suddenly, an idea that was crazy gains traction and is considered to be public opinion.  Thus is the Robert Griffin the Third story…

RG3 was created to sell sugar water and sneakers.  He was a great college QB that played in a glorified flag football conference, went to a major East Coast Media Center, and had immediate success.  He is the bastion of a New Age.  The line in the sand.  The After.  All teams must now have a running QB if they ever hope to compete.  The pocket passer is dead.  All hail RG3.

That seems like a long time ago.

Griffin has proven that if you are a small guy that is going to get hit in awkward positions while trying to throw the football you are going to get hurt.  A lot.  Making matters worse is that Griffin, like any normal dude in his twenties, believes what everyone kissing his ass has been writing about him and whispering in his ear.  He now appears to think that the way he needs to carry himself is in the same manner as LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, or any other of those Hall of Fame level athletes that speak about themselves in a wearied third party sense.  “Yes, Robert has the QB position covered and I will do my best to carry these mere mortals to the goal, but as I have long known and you are just now realizing, I am but one man.  Let us speak now of the labors ahead of us.”

This does not play well with your associates when you haven’t actually done anything.  A Gatorade commercial does not a Pro Bowl QB make.  That scene in Washington appears to be about as chaotic as any team to come along in years.  I’m not even sure what they do to try and fix it.  All I do know is that the San Francisco 49ers are really lucky to be playing the Redskins this week.  They are going to kick the living fuck out of those guys.  I have some concerns about San Francisco’s inability to score touchdowns while in the Red Zone.  9.5 is about as big of a spread as will be seen this season.  I also have some concerns about jumping on such a heavy favorite that the public loves like the 49ers, but I’m doing it.  I am also already regretting it.  There is no way in hell that Washington wins.  Can San Fran get in the end zone?  I think so.  I hope so.  SF -9.5. 

This week is a very big game for the Cleveland Browns.  The Atlanta Falcons are somehow even worse than their 4-6 record would indicate.  This is the type of game that a better team takes over and does whatever required to crank out a win, fly home, and sexually assault cocktail waitresses in downtown nightclubs upon their triumphant return.  The Cleveland Browns would do just that… If the team that takes the field Sunday had any of the guys on it that took them to 6-3.   

The Browns are about as banged up as any team in the league.  There is an off chance that I might be starting on the line somewhere this week, which is very bad news for Brian Hoyer and the running backs.  I am brittle and weak.  The complete defensive interior is out for this game.  The Browns starting center and middle linebacker are out for the season.  The Browns team that beat the crap out of Pittsburgh is a totally different collection of fellas than the ones that will be wearing those ugly uniforms this week.  Meanwhile, the return of Josh Gordon is getting all the press.  The Rubes will be shoveling money out of their wallets as quickly as possible to get on the Browns with the three points. This is a terrible error in judgement.  Last week the Texans shoved the Browns around like children.  I have no idea why that would change this week on the road in a dome.  This season I have not bet on a Browns game as I never felt any sort of strong sense of what version of the Browns would take the field.  This week I do.  They are in trouble this week. Atlanta -3.    

Despite having a QB with a fractured spine, I am all in on the Cowboys.  The white knuckle part of this wager is the fact that on any given play Romo could be out and the Cowboys would have to weather a Full Weeden.  This is, of course, terrifying with cold cash on the line.  However, the Cowboys have been 8-1 ATS after a bye week.  I would think this bye week timed out well when your most important player is attempting to recover from a broken back.  The Giants meanwhile are 3-11 against the spread facing teams with a winning record.  Let me try to make sense of that stat for you… The Giants lose when they play good teams because they aren’t any good.  Sometimes it helps to have an expert really break down this type of information.  Dallas -3.5

If this was Thanksgiving, I would make the now traditional three team teaser of SF -.5/Atlanta +6/Dallas +5.5.  How about a four team teaser of SF+2.5/Atlanta +9/Dallas +8.5/Detroit +19?  How can you lose?  Oh boy...  I can't wait for next Thursday's doomed wager!

Season Record:  17-10-1 


At November 24, 2014 at 3:45:00 PM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

That goddamn teaser would have won...


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