Saturday, November 1, 2014

Nurse the Hate: Hate the NFL 2014 Week 9

My hands trembled holding the television remote.  I blinked while staring at the screen, not sure if what I was seeing was actually happening.  The initial excitement rose in me as I realized it was happening.  It was really happening.  Brandon Weeden was under center playing QB for the Dallas Cowboys.  Praise Jesus.

Brandon Weeden is without question my favorite professional football player.  He has done things on a football field that I have never seen before and will probably never see again.  There is no way to limit your expectations with what he might do out on that field.  He is capable of making a decision in the moment that no one could have possibly seen coming.  If he was a firefighter, he would be in a blazing house working with a hose and suddenly turn on all the gas on the cooking range.  As an ambulance driver he might enter on the wrong side of the highway in some wild misguided attempt to make better time swerving through oncoming traffic.  If he was sitting next to you on a commercial airline flight, he just might pop open the emergency door to get himself a little air.  Anything is possible.

When I saw Tony Romo injure his back, I felt bad for Romo.  He seems like an OK guy and having your surgically repaired back crushed probably doesn't feel very good.  I would have been in a complete body cast if that would have happened to me.  Afterwards I would move exclusively by Rascal, maybe even putting a bell on it to show my sense of humor.  Despite having that crushed spine, Romo still came back on the field at the end of the game last week, knowing full well that the Cowboys had NO CHANCE with Weeden at QB.  It was gutsy as shit, but he looked suspiciously like a man with an injured back trying to play football.  He is probably on a Rascal right now at the Cowboys facility.  That leads us into this week...

The Cowboys host Arizona this week.  They are giving Arizona 4 points.  I thought that was a misprint when I first saw it.  I am trying to wrap my head around the idea that I can take Dallas with Tony Romo's broken spine OR the spectre of Dallas enjoying a Full Weeden.  Oh God, do I hope it is Weeden.  The other option is to take Arizona, who has quietly gone 13-3 in their last 16 games across two seasons.  Oh, and I get them with four points.  In Dallas... where the Cowboys are 7 of 28 as home favorites.  I am taking what they say is an "aggressive position" on the Arizona Cardinals.  Arizona +4.

The problem with Miami is that no one really gives a shit about their sports teams.  In Miami when the Dolphins lose, the fan base says "Oh well, let's go to the beach and leer at South American models".  In places like NE Ohio the fan base says "We fucking lost in the cold rain and I am going to go home and beat my entire extended family".  Though it is a sick and twisted reality, it does create a sense of urgency at home games that just doesn't translate in Miami.  I think that is why Miami is 10-36 as a home favorite.  The Chargers are a good team, well rested coming off a game last Thursday.  Plus, it's always a good idea to bet against Joe Philbin when you can.  I'm taking San Diego on the money line to win outright.

Season Record: 12-8-1 


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