Saturday, October 4, 2014

Nurse the Hate: Hate the 2014 NFL Week 5

I have always enjoyed visiting Chicago.  My mother grew up there, which led to frequent visits to see my grandparents.  Once there, the game of “what are we going to do with the kids?” kicked in, so I went to every museum and attraction in the city.  I have especially fond childhood memories of staring at the stuffed mammoth in the Natural History Museum.  I would have had no idea at the time that years later while driving through on tour with The Cowslingers Bobby Latina would ask the rest of us, “Were mammoths around in the time of Jesus?”.  Excuse me?  After we wrapped our minds around this concept, we then filled Bobby in that not only were mammoths prevalent in Biblical times, but also the Three Wise Men actually rode mammoths on their way to deliver frankincense and myrrh to Baby Jesus.  It just wasn’t well publicized.  Look it up.

I usually go to Chicago in the Fall, early enough that Bears fans have deluded themselves into believing that they are going to win the Super Bowl and have a big victory parade in February.  This usually goes horribly wrong by November when it becomes obvious to even Bears fans that they are not as good as Green Bay, and maybe not even the Lions.  They got a head start this year by going 0-2 at home, and appear ready to turn on the QB, coaching staff, and maybe even the corpse of George Halas. I am not going to be so quick to turn on the Bears though. This week they go to Carolina, who is also 2-2, but let’s discuss them for a second.  

Carolina inched by Tampa in week 1, beat the always horrible road Lions, and then got blown out by Pittsburgh and Baltimore.  The gambling community has believed since the pre season that Carolina was a crappy team masquerading as a legit team, and I think that is the case.  The problem is that since they are 2-2 and in Carolina, the public spends as much time thinking about them as they do Canadian voter registration and Hong Kong democracy protests.  Meanwhile the Bears in media heavy Chicago go through a “Sky Is Falling” crisis weekly.  These are two teams going in opposite directions.  I absolutely love Chicago +2.5 this week.  Carolina blows.

I am going to bank on public overreaction to the Redskins getting totally destroyed by the Giants on national TV last Thursday.  Kirk Cousins looked suspiciously like Kirk Cousins in the loss throwing what I recall were 17 interceptions by the third quarter alone.  That led to three days of talking about how the Giants are “back” and the Redskins need to close up shop.  I read somewhere that when NFL teams lose by more than 30, the following week they cover 60% of the time.  This scenario is perfect as Seattle is rolling into town having been all but crowned the champion of 2015 already.  The Seahawks are just not the same team on the road.  Washington might be mediocre, but they aren’t the 1999 Browns.  Yep, I’m doing it.  Washington +7.5.

I have been living life on the razor’s edge lately.  I went night scuba diving.  I drove my car 146 mph down a state highway.  I went skydiving.  That is all child’s play compared to what I am about to do.  Behold!  Gaze your naked eyes upon a true daredevil!  I am taking the Buffalo Bills +7.  I will give you a moment to catch your breath…  Let me walk you through this.  My thought is that I am not so much betting ON the Bills but AGAINST the Lions.  This should immediately set your mind at ease as anyone with even a casual interest in the NFL knows that the Detroit Lions always stand at the ready to crush the hopes and dreams of their fan base, especially at the precipice of a “sure win” game like this.  Detroit is unable to sustain success.  It’s what they do.  They have only covered 5 of 19 after a win. I’m not positive who the Bills are starting this week at QB.  It might be Gary Marangi (old school shout out to you Bills fans).  Who cares?  We are betting AGAINST the Lions.  Buffalo +7.

Season Record:  9-3


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