Sunday, October 12, 2014

Nurse the Hate: 2014 NFL Week 6

I have always disliked Florida, Miami in particular.  I have a theory that just like a carton of orange juice, the sediment in the United States all comes to rest at the bottom, in this case Miami.  Every two bit hustler and con artist in this country eventually ends up in Miami after having to flee whatever place where they committed their crimes.  The entire city reminds me of a terrible nightclub.  The food is always lousy.  The music is horrible.  At any moment somebody is preparing to rip you off.  It is this probably unfounded feeling I have for the city that makes it difficult to bet on the Miami Dolphins.

I had been under the impression that Miami had shut down their football team as I cannot recall actually seeing a Dolphins game since the late 1980s.  I did some research and discovered that they still have a team down there, and it is coached by soon-to-be-fired Joe Philbin.  This does not really fill me with confidence when taking Miami+3 over Green Bay.  Joe Philbin would probably be a good fit as a high school coach in Minnesota where he would spend a lot of time talking about "doing things the right way" and "our culture".  This is not a good fit with a group of savages that play the most violent game on the planet for money.  I think the Dolphins have a receiver on the injury list for an "optical sprain" from rolling his eyes too much while listening to Philbin.  I am going to forget all that and note that Miami has covered 7 of the last 8 as a home underdog.  On top of that, today it's going to be 85 degrees with 70% humidity where Green Bay rolls in for a nice toasty 1p kickoff.  Those Green Bay guys were carving pumpkins and raking leaves.  Now they have to play football in a steam room.  Miami +3.

I am taking San Diego -7.5 against Oakland today.  The key factor in this game is that Oakland is really fucking horrible.  There isn't any other way to delicately say it.  The Raiders have lost ten in a row.  They don't do anything well.  Whenever I see a Raiders game I always feel like they are totally disorganized, like they just threw the team together a half hour before kickoff.  "Dude, can I be quarterback?  It's my ball, so I should be quarterback."  Meanwhile San Diego is 10-1 in their last last 11 against the spread.  The Chargers are very quietly playing very good football, and I will be stunned if they don't destroy Oakland.  Show me your Thunderbolt!  

Against my better judgement, I am going to take the Giants +3 today.  I know in the back of my mind that they are due to come back to earth after winning their last three.  I know this.  There will be some awful highlight clips of Eli Manning looking sheepish after throwing a pick 6 running non-stop on ESPN Monday morning.  However, they have covered 13 of their last 16 as underdogs.  Meanwhile Philadelphia is terrible at home where they have only covered 8 of their last 31 as favorites.  I am sort of tiring of the "Chip Kelly is smarter than everyone else" story line, so that will at least make me feel good as I place this doomed wager.  Giants +3.

Season Record:  10-5


At October 16, 2014 at 5:56:00 PM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

Every roll has an ending and your season roll has ended in Miami as noted. I never minded losing bets that I knew were lost after research reminded me of that.

Will always love the Dolphins middle against Philly in Shula's the victory that saw Don pass Halas as the all time wins leader in the NFL. Shula go the nod, but it was Doug Pederson, replacing Scott Mitchell and driving to set up Stoyanovich's fg that put them up 5 that eventually won a 5 digit middle that even grandma was in on. After that, Fuck the Phish and that shithole that is Miami.


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