Monday, March 7, 2016

Nurse The Hate: Chasing the Dream

Les Miles
LSU Football
LSU Athletics Administration Building
Baton Rouge, LA 70803

Dear Les,

First of all, let me start this letter by noting my admiration of the football program you have built there.  Though I didn’t know your exact record over the past few years, a quick search on the internet showed me that the team has been quite good.  I do remember a few times where LSU was on TV here locally, and it seemed like you really have a good thing going there.  Kudos to you sir.

The reason I am writing is to let you know a little bit about myself and the opportunity I provide the LSU Varsity Football team.  I have recently decided to “re-commit myself to excellence” and chase my dream of becoming a Division I football player, specifically a punt return specialist in the SEC Conference.  It’s been an exciting time as I have worked with a team of trainers to make myself into what I fully expect to be the most devastatingly effective punt returner in the conference.  As a caveat, I feel obliged to note that I am a middle aged man with no prior experience returning punts at the high school level much less Division I football.  I prefer to see this as a real upside to the LSU Tiger Football program as I have retained all four years of my NCAA college football eligibility.  I am willing to commit in writing that I will not leave LSU early to chase an NFL career.  I will not jump ship on you like some of those flaky kids you recruit.  I want to play my entire college career at LSU. 

I realize that there are not many men nearing the age of 50 that return punts at any level, but my lack of experience should prove to be a real boon here.  I have quite a lot of “tread left on the tire” as they say.  I have not participated in any 40 yard time trials, but I’d say I’m “fast” to “pretty fast” based on how I recently outran one of my pet hound dogs last week.  I would imagine that when I am completely healed from my torn right meniscus my times will only improve.  As I mentioned earlier, I have been training, so I expect the results to show on the field shortly. 

I suppose you’re thinking, “Why LSU?”.  I will level with you.  I’ve been living here in Northeast Ohio for years and the weather is lousy.  You’re an Elyria guy, aren’t you?  I could use some good weather for more than three months a year.  Also, I think I will be able to sleepwalk through LSU’s classwork.  I’m a white collar marketing professional with a cum laude bachelor’s degree, so I think I could swing by and knock out another degree pretty easily.  I’ll bet those history classes are pretty easy when you know how the story goes, eh?  There will be no concerns about my eligibility Coach!  Come gameday, I will be ready to rock and roll.  I can even help the other guys with homework.  There’s no “I” in team, as you know.   

Thanks for your consideration.  Other people might think I am crazy to chase my dreams, but we’ll see who’s laughing when I’m scampering in for a game winning touchdown over Alabama this Fall.  I hope to become part of your winning tradition.  Let’s get started on winning the national championship.


Greg Miller

P.S.  Do you think I could pledge a frat or would it weird guys out to have a 50 year old pledge?  Also I have concerns about it taking away from football practice/film study.  We can talk about that later I guess…


At March 7, 2016 at 4:35:00 PM EST , Blogger Greg Miller said...

Sent this afternoon. I expect to hear good news sometime next week.


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