Sunday, January 22, 2017

Nurse the Hate: Alternative Facts and NFL Championship Games

That woman, pictured above in what might be one of the worst outfits in history, today uttered what I believe to be the most outrageous thing I have heard anyone in our government say with a straight face.  When asked by Chuck Todd of “Meet The Press” why Trump press secretary Sean Spicer went out and told four out and out lies in the post inauguration press conference, Kellyanne Conway made a “pivot”.   She first did what she always does and refused to answer the question.  When she was pressed on the fact that Spicer is telling clearly visible lies to the American people, she said that he was using “alternative facts”.  Holy mother of shit.  I had to rewind it and listen to it again.  ALTERNATIVE FACTS.  These assholes believe they can brazenly lie to The People and are daring us to do something about it. 

I can’t remember ever feeling the need to take to the streets.  This is primarily because I live in Ohio and no one cares if I take to the streets.  I also don’t know what I would do when I take to the streets.  Walk around?  Chant slogans?  I don’t know, but maybe I will figure it out when I get there.  I don’t think smashing up a Starbucks will help, though I was angry at a particular location outside of Columbus in bungling an espresso order last week.  Lighting a fire in the street seems counterproductive too.  I’m also not wearing a ski mask.  I get overheated.  It’s a hell of a thing.  This will not stand.  I don’t know what I am going to do, but I am going to do something.  I will be damned if I am going to sit here and let that piece of shit woman dressed like the 1970s New England Patriots logo lie to me and say it is an “alternative fact”.  I’m sick of her fried out hair and bag of bullshit and this is Day 3.  Where’s the MC5 when you need them?

That being said, Kellyanne is probably on the Patriots today.  Look at that horrible get up of hers.  Foxboro is the only place that is fashionable, and only on game days.  This is something we can all agree on.  I like the Patriots today too.  I was looking for a trend or factoid to back up my gut on this game.  There really isn’t any.  Home teams are 42-34 against the spread in championship games.  They win 58% of the time when favored.  Pittsburgh is one game below .500 against the spread in road playoff games.  I like that The Hoodie has had an extra 1.5 days to prepare than Tomlin.  I like that New England is at home.  I’m expecting a good game today, so I’m going New England money line.

Green Bay has the 31st best defense in the NFL.  Atlanta should probably score hundreds of touchdowns today.  Green Bay would probably score hundreds of touchdowns today too but essentially all of their receivers are injured.  Rodgers is playing out of his mind, but he will need to score on every possession today.  My thinking is that this will require at least some playmaker on the field.  The Pack has been kicking my ass down the stretch and I should probably just take the points.  I’m going to go with the assumption that since all of America thinks Rodgers will singlehandedly win this game for Green Bay, I will go the opposite.  Atlanta money line.  

Let me go on the record and say I think one of these underdogs will win.  I just don’t know which one.  Two guys I talk a lot of sports with both like New England and Atlanta today.  These guys are also usually wrong, about almost everything.  This only gnaws at my gut even more.  I have no chance.  When I am getting my head beaten in with a baton by whatever Good Squad attacks me for opposing our Emperor, I know my last thoughts before losing consciousness will be “Why didn’t you just tease the two underdogs?”.  If I win this I’m going somewhere warm and sunny.  I’m going to visit a place where their dictator knows the key to really ruling the country is to wear military style uniforms like Idi Amin and holding military parades as often as possible.  Does Haiti have good diving?  I need to look into that and then take to the streets.  After the games of course.

Season Record:  30-15


At January 29, 2017 at 10:43:00 AM EST , Blogger kk said...

Paragraph 2 begs to be made into a Short, with the obvious soundtrack. Just sayin'.


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