Friday, August 25, 2017

Nurse the Hate: Another Job Opportunity Continues

Fr:  Dave Johnson

To:  Greg Miller

Re:  Euclid Fish Warehouse wants to meet with you!

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To:  Dave Johnson
       JJ Jobs Alerts

Fr:  Greg Miller

Re:  Euclid Fish Warehouse wants to meet with you!

Listen Dave, 

I don't understand why you are playing hard to get here.  What is your sick game?  You dangle a plum job like "Night Fish Warehouse Laborer" in front of me and then have me jump though hoops like I'm a goddamn show pony.  You contact me with the news that "Euclid Fish Company would like to meet with me".  Me!  At last.  Someone has noticed me. I feel like I have been toiling in the void over here. So now I finally have my "in".  I have been telling everyone I know that I'm in "The Fish Game" now because of your email.  Let me be very direct with you Dave.  Based on this blue sky email of yours, I have let every single person in my social circle know that I am very shortly going to become one of the elite crew at Euclid Fish.  This has gone to the point where I have radically changed my personal appearance to that of what I believe a man in "The Fish Game" looks like on any given day.  (see attached)

Dave, listen...  I have always respected you, so I'm going to give it to you straight.  I'm really going to look like an asshole sitting here in my current cubicle in waders and a slicker puffing on my pipe without having this cherry fisherman's job to triumphantly resign to tomorrow.  I feel like you may have led me on with this Fish Company Warehouse Associate dream.  I think you need to make this right.  In the worst case scenario of you not having this job secured for me, I'd like you to reimburse me for the cost of these rubber boots, oil slicker, and rain hat.  I think the beard products and thick wool sweaters I will probably find a use for, so I will cover those.  Let's call it $150 and we are square if, and only if, you put in a good word with me to the guys at the Fish Warehouse.  I don't even need a full time job.  A part time gig so I can hang out there, talk shop with the guys, and most importantly save face with my peers is all that I am looking for here.  I will work my way into a full time position on merit alone.  I was born to be A Fish Man.  Here is the plan...

I will move ahead with the understanding that you will take care of this by Monday.  I am going to show up at the Fish Warehouse on Monday, pull my cap off and say "Ahoy!  Greg Miller here!  Dave Johnson sent me!  Where do ya need me to move the fish lads?".  If for any reason you don't get this situation settled, for the love of God please contact me before Monday night.  I don't want to look like an asshole in front of the guys at work.

Safe Sailing,

Greg Miller

Dave Johnson

12:35 AM (9 hours ago)
to me
Sorry for any inconvenience, I have deleted your information from our database. 


At August 25, 2017 at 5:59:00 PM EDT , Blogger AZ said...

I would piss myself from laughing if I did not actually need this job as bad as I do.


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