Nurse the Hate: New Year's Resolutions and NFL Week 17

 

As we head into the new year, it seems to be pretty much what last year was but with less to look forward to beyond getting an inoculation.  Still, the sun rises each morning and one must carry on.  The calendar tells us it is time to make resolutions.  My phone rang the other evening with an unexpected call from Leo.  Leo isn't much for talking on the phone, so I assumed he either was in some sort of jam or wanted to pitch me on a crazy business idea like an alpaca farm or a new Mephisto's location.  "Hello Greg!  It's your old buddy Leo!"  (Leo might not know that I, like everyone, has caller ID for their contacts.). "Hey man... I'm right now in that 15 minutes of shit talk after getting stoned, so I thought I'd give you a call to let you know what is up with me."

Over the years, it has become evident in the van that a certain pattern existed for Leo.  He would smoke weed, get really high, and then engage in a stream of consciousness monologue for about 15 minutes prior to falling asleep for a nap.  Once we identified the pattern, we dubbed this his "15 Minutes of Shit Talk".  The subject matter could literally be about anything, and exists mainly as an avenue for Leo to verbalize some of the ideas floating around in his head.  Often these are "ideas", like his Carnival Food Drive-Thru Restaurant, Magician Waiter Restaurant/All Things To All People Destination Point "Mephisto's", or Self-Serve Waterslides off the Interstate.  That last one might have legs if we could figure out how to get insurance for a waterslide surrounded by a razor wire topped chain link fence pool operated like a self-serve car wash.  We all have dreams.

This particular 15 Minutes of Shit Talk was focused on Leo's New Year's Resolutions.  He and his wife Anne decided to stop smoking (again) and he also has to lower his cholesterol.  These are reasonable and attainable resolutions, and I support them wholeheartedly.  They are certainly more achievable than his plan about ten years ago to build a time machine out of construction scraps and have a romantic relationship with Heather Locklear in the late 1980s.  The point of interest in his resolutions this year though was that he was going to send out 2020 with a bang.  Leo deemed the week between Xmas and New Year's Eve as "Cigarette and Bacon Week".  His focus was to consistently consume bacon while smoking cigarettes all week as a bittersweet goodbye to the two things he loved.  I have no idea at this writing if he survived cigarette and bacon week, as he did not respond to a group text I sent out celebrating starting up The Whiskey Wagon.  I hope Leo isn't dead.  

The good news is that something that I know for a fact that isn't dead is my season long Under Six Wins Total bet against the New York Giants.  I put down a chunk on the Giants UNDER 6 wins, and then when Vegas moved the line to UNDER 6.5 wins, I put down another chunk of cash.  This Sunday, the 5-10 Giants take on the equally crappy Dallas Cowboys in an "important only to me" matchup.  It's never good when you need Andy Dalton to come through in a "must win" game, but the good news is that Dalton doesn't know the gravity of this "must win" game.  He only thinks he has to win to get destroyed next week in the first round of the NFC Playoffs.  The other obvious thing is that I am playing with house money as my Under 6.5 wins already came in.  I might spend most of Sunday talking about my "free roll" I have going on the Giants.  I am expecting to see plenty of money roll in on Dallas, as The Public loves betting on teams that "need to win".  That means I will get to say "Yeah, there's a lot of steam on that Cowboy number, but I'm free rolling on that game at no juice money line.".  That is something to look forward to...

The only other games that catch my eye are Green Bay over Chicago and Buffalo over Miami.  Chicago is a bit of an illusion as Mitch Trubisky has looked good against the worst defenses in the league AND the Bears have won the turnover battles in all of those games.  It all depends on who Green Bay puts out on the field.  I am going to wait until the last possible second before I commit on this game.  Meanwhile, even if Buffalo decides to sit Josh Allen, Stefon Diggs, etc, this is a great chance to bet against Tua and the Dolphins.  It's mystifying why Miami keeps rolling that guy out when they are clearly better with Fitzpatrick.  Not an issue this week as hard luck Fitzmagic has covid.  Sorry bro.  Looks like Tua is starting.  Tua has played 9 games.  In those nine games he has made two (2) plays of 25 yards+.  Two.  You can't win in the NFL like that.  The Dolphins needed a miracle to get past a Raider team that is dead in the water last week.  I don't think you can beat a good team with Tua unless you win the turnover battle by 3.  It also seems unlikely that Buffalo will roll over and miss the chance to go 13-3.  The Bills are for real, and I'll take whoever they throw out there -2.5 instead of the Hawaiian guy that can't throw downfield that is playing one the the 3 best teams in the league in the cold wind of Buffalo.  Buffalo -2.5       

Season Record:  23-20-1