Nurse the Hate: This Isn't What It Looks Like!

 

A quick true story...  I had to change a few details, but the basic story is all fact.  At a wedding reception a couple years ago, the best man gave his speech toasting the bride and groom.  It was a cut n' paste job, a variation of the "when Bob met Wendy I just knew they would always be together" with a couple of little jokes that received polite laughs.  At the very end, a slight smile crossed his face.  "Now I know you think I'm making fun of my best friend Bob a bit, but it's NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!'.  A genuine laugh erupted from part of the crowd, the close friends of the couple.

Now on the surface, this isn't a great joke.  However, if you were privy to the inside information, it was VERY funny.  It seems that earlier that year Bob had moved into Wendy's apartment.  Wendy was a bit of a free spirit, something that always attracted the more reserved Bob.  Earlier in the week, Wendy had received a new vibrator in the mail, something she and Bob had wanted to incorporate into their sex life.  This was quite adventurous for the conservative Bob, but he promised Wendy he would loosen up.  Bob loved Wendy and he liked to please her.  This was part of what Wendy found so adorable about Bob, his willingness to move out of his comfort zone to try and please her.  It made her feel special.  They agreed to play with their new toy that weekend.

That Saturday afternoon, Wendy had a haircut scheduled.  She left the apartment and walked to the subway stop, but about halfway there realized she had forgotten her phone.  Anyone that spent time with Wendy would not be surprised by this.  She routinely forgot things, lost items in public places, and had never owned a pair of sunglasses for longer than 10 days.  She was in a hurry, knowing she would be late if she missed her train.  She popped into the apartment and zipped into the bedroom to get her phone.

On top of the bed was Bob.  Bob was nude, his legs spread apart, and he was furiously masturbating.  The new vibrator, a thin hard plastic model, was inserted well inside his ass, growling with an authoritative urgency.  Wendy stopped as she entered the room, that moment of shock when the mind is trying to wrap itself around the information being presented by the eyes but it not quite clicking.  It was Bob that spoke first.  "This isn't what it looks like!"

In retrospect, Wendy should not have told her best friend Kathy this story.  Maybe if she had let more time pass before making the call to Kathy things would have gone differently.  Certainly, this was an event too explosive not to share, but her choice of Kathy as a confidant was ill-advised.  Kathy, although by most accounts a lovely girl, could not and did not keep this secret despite her solemn vow to do so.  The story, as expected, spread like wildfire amongst their peer group in the two weeks prior to the wedding.  The phrase "this is not what it looks like" was quite popular during the entirety of the wedding celebration, much to the obvious painful discomfort of Bob.  I think now even Bob will agree that sometimes things are EXACTLY what they look like.

I bring this up because I think the Chiefs giving the Browns 10 points this Sunday looks like too many points.  The Chiefs are 0-7-1 against the spread in their last eight games.  They have not beaten anyone by more than 8 points since November 1st.  Patrick Mahomes has not played a game in 20 days.  It looks like too many points to me.  But here's the question...  Did the Browns slay their dragon last week in beating the Steelers in the Playoffs and exhale loudly.  Whew!  Done!  Or did they only build confidence and now believe they can beat anyone?  Playoff teams that are on a roll are dangerous, and the Browns are on a roll right now.    

I think Kansas City will win this game, but for them to win by double digits the Browns will need to turn the ball over two+ times.  Mayfield has only thrown one interception in the last 7 games, so if he can keep it together, and they don't fall behind by two scores early, I like their chances at the cover.  Washington only lost by one score to Tampa last week with a guy making his first NFL start at QB.  We aren't asking for the moon here.  Cleveland +10.

I have lost money betting against the Packers in January at home.  I am not going to do that again.  When faced with the choice of Aaron Rodgers or Jared Goff in 20 something degree Lambeau Field in the Playoffs, it's an easy choice.  Yes, I know the Rams defense looked incredible last week, but Seattle was down two offensive linemen on a line that wasn't that great to start with anyway.  I also think there was an edge in Goff not thinking he had to play and then being tossed out there due to injury.  Don't think, just play helps Goff.  This week he's had plenty of time to stew about this game.  

I see the Packers checking down on quick release passes and playing Adams in the slot to try and minimize Ramsey's influence in the backfield.  There will be plenty of dump passes, quick slants and tight end crossing routes.  This is another game where if the Rams fall behind early, they're dead.  They want to run Cam Akers and grind.  I don't think it will be easy to turn this into a 17-13 game.  Green Bay has been the class of the NFC all season.  I am going to tease Green Bay with the Browns, Green Bay -1/Cleveland +16 and take the Packers straight up.

Season record:  24-23-1