Sucking On Chili Dogs

 

I was doing yard work today, the sun straining to give the illusion of summer heat, the unmistakeable tinge of Autumn's arrival creeping in on the sides.  The end of summer is tough in NE Ohio, where the move is more severe than most places that don't have the abrupt shift to cool temperatures that arrive with Labor Day like the flick of a light switch.  I use a push mower and let the sound of the angry machine act as a white noise to allow my mind to drift.  I've come up with a bunch of our well known songs while mowing, ideas that pop into my head out of nowhere.  I tried to let my head empty as I mowed up a combination of suddenly green grass and crispy brown early fallen leaves.  

I must have been thinking about the end of summer, summer songs, and that sort of thing when John Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane" came into my head like an unwanted jukebox selection.  You know, as much as I've tried to avoid that song, it's really pretty good.  That vibe of an Indiana Tastee Freeze with the young couple hanging out is pure Midwestern summer.  It captures that moment of teenage purity with impending adulthood and more serious consequences of actions in a light way in the verses with a real bummer of a chorus.  "Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone".  Damn, that's really good.  But the line that obscures that killer chorus is that chili dog verse.  You know the one...  "suckin on a chili dog outside the Tastee Freeze".

It's an interesting word choice that "suckin".  It's not like every inch of that monster corporate record wasn't debated by the label.  Mellencamp, a known and admitted red ass, knew what he was doing there.  Why didn't he use something more literal for chili dog consumption like "chompin" or "bitin" or "wolfin" or "chewin"?  Did he use "suckin" to get your headspace into Diane was down with blowing Jack and maybe wasn't so innocent a debutante?  Or was he trying to set a tone of unsatisfied youthful sexual energy?  Look, I have had my share of chili dogs over the years, and not once did I "suck on a chili dog".  Maybe that's some sort of Indiana technique I don't know about.  Maybe it's a nod to recent dental work that required a more gentle eating approach.  I don't know.  Anyway, that's what I was thinking about as I cut the grass this afternoon. 

What I should have been thinking about was my NFL over/unders.  My beloved Milwaukee Brewers came in on their over this week.  That White Sox under bet is dead in the water, so I'm even there.  Now it just comes down to the Guardians winning 79+ games.  THAT is going to be tight as they have sort of tossed the towel in on the season and are kinda sorta trying to make the Playoffs in September.  I really don't want to be white knuckling a Guardians v Texas Rangers game on Sept 27th, but here we are.  Regardless of the outcome, that position I took on that one was mild next to the multi app steam I put on the other two.  That leaves me some more room for the NFL totals.

As I have noted, I am on the Saints UNDER 7.5 wins, a total I can't believe I got down.  They are going to suck so fucking bad.  How is Spencer Rattler going to drive you to victory?  Rattler is 0-7 in his NFL starts.  He will go 0-4 and then turn it over to that shit rookie they drafted for continued dismal results.  I am also on Matt Stafford UNDER 3650 passing yards.  The Rams are already talking about Jimmy G starting a couple games so Stafford can make it though the season.  Sure, that's all you need with a fucked up disc in your back.  You can just rest a week and then get right back in there and get hit by 300 pound monsters and you'll be fine.  No problem there.  If you can still find that line, get down on that.

I like to look for UNDERS.  This is the NFL, when things tend to go poorly as opposed to miraculously well.  If a team takes injuries, they're doomed.  That's a built in edge for unders.  Someone that has caught my attention is the Carolina Panthers.  Colin Cowherd was riffing that they could win 10 games this year.  There is this narrative that the Panthers relative good finish last year portends a leap to respectability in 2025.  Bryce Young came back and was...  OK?  There's this collective amnesia about what really happened there.  After Thanksgiving the Panthers went 2-5 which included a meaningless win in the last week vs the Falcons.  They beat Arizona, Giants and the Spencer Rattler led Saints.  Not exactly murderer's row there.  They got smoked by Dallas at the end of the year 30-14 which is BAD.  Tampa beat 'em 48-14.  So what are the Panthers exactly and why are they going to go OVER 6.5 wins?

The Panthers finished dead last in defense on points allowed.  They allowed the most yards.  They allowed the most rushing yards.  The good news is they were only 29th in pass defense, probably because no one bothered to pass since they could run the ball so easily.  The offense sucked too.  They were 23rd overall in yardage, 24th in points and 31st in passing yards.  Why are they at 6.5 wins when they went 5-12 last season with one of those wins a preseason game type win?  Surely they must have signed some monster free agents and upgraded massively with the draft!

So the Panthers spent a bunch of money on two offensive guards, which was odd in that their offensive line was ranked 7th by Pro Football Focus.  The Panthers are operating under the idea that if they protect little Bryce Young, everything is going to be just great.  They drafted a big deal rookie receiver from Arizona that split the scouts between "the guy is gonna be awesome" and "I don't know about this guy".  They signed RB Travis Etienne, which would have been awesome three years ago.  Essentially they threw seven new guys into the defense with a plan the Cleveland Browns have often used called "They gotta be better than what we had" which doesn't always deliver like you'd hoped.  I dunno.  It feels like everyone sort of decided the Panthers would be better because that's what we all decided for some reason.  They went 0-3 in the presesason and struggled to score points.  The rookie receiver had the second worst grade of any receivers in the preseason 87th out of 89.  They traded Adam Theilen so the Panthers don't seem too concerned.  I'm looking long and hard at an Under 6.5 wins here.  That Panthers organization sucks hard.  Sucks chili dog hard.  I might juice this up to Under 7.5 wins.  In the last decade the Panthers have won 8 games only once.  Carolina Panthers UNDER 7.5 wins      

        

The String Cheese Incident

 

I went to see String Cheese Incident, mostly by accident.  Los Lobos was opening up, so I figured I'd go see them as they are reliably outstanding/criminally underrated and check out String Cheese since I was there anyway.  I have a great many friends that are very down with the jam band scene, which you can also read as "I have a great many friends that like to get baked with like minded people in a groovy atmosphere".  I have generally felt that most jam bands except the Grateful Dead (with Jerry Garcia) are essentially party background music.  I love(d) the Dead for the combination of the band ethos, the combination of classic American music forms, and the undeniably great playing of Garcia.  However, the biggest reason the Dead appealed to me was simple.  The songs.  This is the key ingredient that eliminates the rest of the jam bands from my interest.  Off the top of your head, can you remember any jam band original song?  It's usually some obligatory cosmic verse or sparkling eye drug reference, a derivative chorus and then the meandering solo "jam" that lacks focus.  I usually lose interest in about 2 minutes.

I had a discussion recently with a jam band enthusiast friend and I asked him, "Who do you think I should check out?  What am I missing?".  His answer was String Cheese Incident as he felt their bluegrass/Americana influences would be a good match for me.  I remember giving a Phish show a chance once and the bass player played some revved up cowboy type song that was the most limp dick Americana attempt I have ever seen, so I did enter the show with some trepidation.  Still, I was into Los Lobos, so if things went South I could bail.  It was a free ticket after all...

Los Lobos was supposed to start at the mystifying start time of 6pm.  I'm into earlier shows as I spent most of the 1980s-2000s like everyone else, standing around waiting for 10pm to hit so the band would start.  I have a general rule that if the sun is too high, it's almost impossible to rock.  On top of that, it was hot AF and Los Lobos are really old dudes now.  Those guys have been a band for 53 years now.  They must be in their 70s at this point, no?  It can't be easy to bring it in 86 degree heat with 90% humidity.  I was doing a wine tasting nearby, so I figured I'd slide out of there a little early and catch Los Lobos.  Ultimately a 2018 Keplinger Carneros Syrah, a pair of cabernet franc, and a Super Tuscan derailed me on a timely exit.  I missed Los Lobos.

I have lived in NE Ohio for 35 years.  Up until last week's Wilco show, I had never been to a show at Cain Park.  This would now be my second show at Cain Park in a week.  I looked around for my buddy Dave and saw what is the standard jam band audience.  You know this crowd... college educated older dudes in their 40s-50s wearing obscure hippie band t-shirts to announce their membership in the tribe.  Women in their late 20s-40s in long flowy sundresses and blouses, their "I used to party" costumes.  There are a few cross generational family groups too.  Then there's me in my sweaty Fat Possum Records T-shirt and chucks.  I bought a giant beer and looked for Dave as the band started.

A few notes on String Cheese Incident...  The band is clearly well rehearsed and tight with the loose comfort of playing together for years.  The best instrumentalist is the keyboard guy, which is trouble for a jam band.  The key for a top tier jam band has always been having a guitar hero, a guy that plays too much because he CAN goddammit, and they don't really have that.  They have a couple guys playing guitar that can do that "noodle around" thing that stays in the same general area and is "fine", but not really attention getting.  There's also the matter of the songs.  I watched almost two full sets and I cannot hum back to you any of the basic melodies of any song on the setlist except when they covered The Police's "Walking On The Moon".  However, if you want to get baked out and let some hippie music wash over you, that's as good a place as any to do it.  I did spot a couple of women in their thirties going really hard that looked like they had a future as being "that one chick I took to Cabo that one time" protagonist in some unsuspecting guy's story years from now.  I see that as "Yeah man, she was super fun for the first day, but she got totally fucked up on tequila shots at the pool on the second day and was out of control.  The hotel told me I had to get her back to the room, but she cursed me out and grabbed a cab to some beach rave she heard about.  She never made it back to the hotel so I just said "fuck this" after breakfast and went home to Ohio early.  Jimbo told me he saw her when he was down there last year selling sculptures from scrap metals and she's with some scuba instructor named "Dragon"."

As I walked back to my car, I thought about something I had forgotten to do but had noted in my phone as a task.  DING!  "Place an UNDER bet on Matt Stafford passing yards".  As I have outlined in the past, when I make season long bets, it is always an UNDER and is usually focused not on player performance but on player health or circumstance.  That DeShaun Watson under bet last year had nothing to do with his ability, but rather his complete lack of interest in playing NFL Football.  This year, the health of Matt Stafford has me leaning heavy on UNDER 3650 yards passing.  For those of you that don't pay attention to the health status of the LA Rams, and I would expect that to be most of you, Stafford has been dealing with an injured back.  A couple weeks ago he got an epidural.  As far as I know, an epidural is not a healing measure but something for extreme pain tolerance.  He then hasn't participated in ANY practice activities until yesterday where he went out and ran 26 plays in practice conditions.  He allegedly has had an "aggravated disc" in his back, and the off season has been very murky for him.  

Here's what we know.  He's 37 years old.  He has a history of back problems, but this is the most serious.  He's got three weeks until he needs to get out there versus the Houston Texans.   Last year he threw for 3762 yards, the third declining year since his 2021 triumphant Super Bowl season.  Jimmy G, the Rams second string, has not been allowed to take a snap in the preseason, a clear indication of how important the Rams view his health.  So tell me, how is a 37 year old QB with an aggravated disc in his back that needed an epidural going to perform as well as he did last year?  Seems to me the Rams will try to run the ball, favor quick release passes to limit contact, and steer the offensive philosophy to keep Stafford upright.  OK...  Maybe they feel like Stafford is tough and can play the same type of ball he always has.  Let's say when he plays he's as good as he's always been too.  Sure.  Can he do that for 17 games?  I am not optimistic on his chances.  I sure as hell don't want to get hit by a 275 pound d-lineman with a full head of steam in the best circumstances, much less when I have an aggravated disc in my back.  There are too many negatives to ignore.  Stafford UNDER 3650 passing yards. 

          

An Old Rock Memoir Finds Me

 

Since I started this damn MW program almost every book I read has been about wine.  I read a book for pleasure a couple weeks ago, "Petal Pusher", a re-print of a rock memoir from the early 1990s from a pretty obscure Minneapolis band.  Oh, don't worry, after finishing that book I started an act of penance by reading a translated Spanish book on geology and wine terroir just to keep the universe in harmony.  But... Back to "Petal Pusher"...

The book is a first person account from Laurie Lindeen on her band ZuZu's Petals.  They were about 3-4 years in front of The Cowslingers in their development, but I remember seeing them booked into some of the same venues that we played and I knew they had a record deal on Twin Tone (something to be jealous of in our van).  The book is a pretty good read about someone trying to make it in an all female band without the dogma hangups of the Riotgrrl thing that came along shortly afterwards.  There is an interesting dichotomy about the book however.  Lindeen is very self effacing about her own abilities and band's limits but at the same time seems totally blind to the fact that they were afforded all of the opportunities to be on the label and get high profile shows because they were in the same clique as the guys in Soul Asylum, Jayhawks and Replacements.  They worked together at the hipster diner, drank at the same bar, and all lived in the same social circle.  Zuzu's Petals had a record deal well before they knew how to play and got to skip the multi year phase of learning how it all worked.  I think she was also oblivious to the fact that any all female band that got on a stage immediately got a crowd that was theirs to lose due to the sheer uniqueness of it and the undeniable draw to the undersexed male 18-24 indie rock club goer.  We would have killed for those connections and advantages.

Something that struck me in the book was an emphasis on how much "the scene" appealed to Lindeen as apart from the desire to create songs.  It came off to me that they liked to party, wanted to become a bigger part of the scene and do what they had seen their friends doing.  I have always been singing hooks of songs that hit me out of the blue into recorders or writing turns of phrase that catch my ear to use later.  The songs are such an afterthought in this book.  Zuzu's Petals had ambition and drive to get on stage, but my takeaway was it was more about being a bigger part of the scene as opposed to making great records.  For example, they got the chance to do a ramshackle tour of England after putting out their first single.  Crazy opportunity.  Granted, it ended in disaster, which makes for a good read.  Yet, they all went home and cancelled dates before the "tour" finished because they were miserable.  If every punk rock band left the road when things got fucked up, no tour would have ever completed in 1988-94.  I have passed along a great number of sketchy ass stories from that time period in this blog, and never once did we say "we quit, we are going home".

Their band trajectory went like this:  They put out a record on Twin Town in 1992.  The book mentions a few tours they quit in the middle because they wanted to go home.  In 1995 they have to put out a follow up record because Twin Tone had been gobbled up by the large conglomerate Roadrunner and it was time.  The problem is that in the three years since that first record came out, they didn't write any songs.  I have no idea how that is possible.  They then wrote the next record in the studio (always an awful idea) and not surprisingly the record wasn't very good.  Lindeen seems to think they should have had more tour support, which seems odd as even she knew the record wasn't very good and wouldn't sell.  Why would the label put their limited resources there?  "Hey, we have a crappy record that comes three years after our last modest record, we quit every tour we go out on, and we cancelled our European dates because one of the band members wanted to go home.  Where's our tour support?".  Seriously, she had no idea of the breaks that they were given or the experiences they were gifted and pissed away.  Ultimately the book is about a band that thought being a touring band looked cool and never liked the reality of it.

There are a bunch of stories that go "We showed up at the club, and the people that worked there were kind of dicks, and then there were only 20 people at the show."  Well, yeah...  It's not like people are thinking "When am I going to get the chance to see some strange women I don't know play unfamiliar songs somewhat poorly for $10 at the club?".  It looks easy when you are hanging out at the packed club with your talented buddies in Soul Asylum and The Jayhawks that worked their ass off and wrote a bunch of songs to find 10 good ones for their latest LP.  You have to do the work, but more importantly, you have to WANT to do the work.  If you don't love the whole of it, life on the road as an indie rock musician is no place to be, especially in 1993 (even if in 1993 people would think "Hey, they're on Twin Tone so we should check it out").

I started to feet like I was being snotty when I read the book as club after club that we have played showed up in the text.  "What are you whining about?".  I did get a sense she was being a little too self effacing and took a lot of labor to distance herself from cashing in on the relationship with her boyfriend (later husband/ex-husband) Paul Westerberg of The Replacements in both the band and in the book.  It very easily could have turned into a "I Married Paul" tell-all book as a cash in, but to her credit she clearly wanted to avoid any sense of that.  I was curious to see if she played music now or if she just wrote (which is much easier but much less of an adrenalin shot than playing in a rock band).  I then felt REALLY badly when I saw she had died suddenly a number of years ago.  This then make me re-think the memoir and re-focus on her very real health struggles that now seem like foreshadowing and ask if the author might have been too hard on herself for the band's "failure".  There was a chapter late in the book where she touches on how she was speaking with another musician about the band after it was over, and the disappointment she felt.  It was pointed out to her that they had sold 30,000 records, toured the country, and had the opportunity to have the experience of the band lifestyle that had always been the goal in the first place.  It seemed to me like she was trying to convince herself even more than the reader that she had in fact done something noteworthy in those passages.  As I thought about it, it hit me that she really had been a success.  It had never been about writing a #1 song.  It had been about getting up there and doing it.  

As we have been playing these Cowslinger shows this month, we have had the inevitable walks down memory lane.  That book had found me at sort of a perfect time, allowing me to put perspective on what we had been doing in 1993, one of the various vans traveling the Midwest playing shitty rock clubs just because we liked it.  Unlike the members of Zuzu's Petals, I still like it, but I think that's because I like almost all of it.  It stopped being about "the scene" a long time ago and instead has been about the more elusive pursuit of writing and playing good songs that connect with our people.  As we climb back in the van, the same guys as 1993, it was illuminating to see what it was like in another one of those vans driving around on I-90 hoping some people would be at the gig.  We would have looked at them as super successful, which ultimately I guess they were.