The LinkedIn Swamp And NFL Week 6

 

I made the mistake of opening up LinkedIn to respond to an email there.  Like most normal human beings that end up having a LinkedIn account, I was told I "had to be there" by people in my old job.  Like a fool, I listened to them which has allowed the cesspool of Corporate America to seep into my world on an unwelcome basis since I set up that account.  To those of you reading this not involved in Corporate America, consider it a blessing to not have to log onto the platform.  I assume the initial idea was to create a Facebook type community for people in white collar jobs and unfortunately it turned into Facebook for white collar jobs.  It's a nightmare.  

LinkedIn, as I see it, exists for two primary reasons. 1.  For people to self promote themselves via corporate speak and false humility to allow them to leave their current soul crushing job for their next shallow soul crushing job.  This is where people will say passive aggressive things like "I am humbled and honored to have accepted a new position with (insert company) as the assistant regional manager.  We have an absolutely incredible team that is the best in the business that is dedicated to (whatever the company does expressed as some selfless act)."  What they really mean is "I just got a promotion to be the assistant manager that oversees Rochester and Oswego, so I kind of think I am a bit of a baller and wanted to take a victory lap.  We sell sorta shitty office equipment.  The "best team in the business" I am referring to is some stupid hillbilly woman named Denise that heats up tuna fish in the microwave in the breakroom, this balding guy named Robby that likes to talk about a woman in shipping's "gazongas", Gary who has worked here for 14 years and spoken in a meeting twice, and Maureen who the company wants to fire but can't because she ginned up some alleged handicap.  None of us give a fuck but if we can sell you 4% more shit than last year, I'll hit my bonus and can buy a jet ski."

There is nobody worse than someone that is very fluent in LinkedIn speak and seems like a True Believer.  These are people which wear their profession as their only identity and have created a self worth totally focused on the fact that they have what they believe is status and power because they get to talk at the Monday morning meeting and can lord over 5-7 people who otherwise would never have to listen to them.  There is nothing that fills me with more schadenfreude than when one of those people gets "laid off" (they never get fired, only "downsized").  The combination of loss of confidence as their identity was stripped away plus the wild positioning of themselves as they scramble for a new job is a joy to behold.  I just saw some dickbag that used to work within the corporation I was mired in get clipped and is now manically "re-branding" himself.  As far as I could tell, when he was in his old job the only thing he did was attend meetings and shoot out jargon filled emails with no substance.  He had some bullshit titles like "Director of Enterprise Growth" and was a "Director of Local Sales Initiatives".  I have no idea what he actually did because as a guy that was bringing in money, I never thought about him at all unless he had created some bullshit at the corporate level that served to only be a distraction and wasted my time.  As a guy once referred to a fellow salesperson at a job I had in the early 1990s, "He couldn't sell pussy on a troop ship".  Ah, it was a different age...  Anyway, the guy that got fired because he sucked is now madly posting after he couldn't find a new job and is justifying his new made up job of "consultant".   He just decided to launch his "company" which I assume means he created a new email address and maybe a website.  If you need some guy to talk shit, he's available. 

The other reason LinkedIn exists is for people seeking other jobs to make comments on other posts as a transparent attempt to curry favor.  Somebody will post that they are "humbled and honored" to be a sales rep for some piece of shit digital marketing company and then right underneath will be people in the comments saying things like "Congratulations Dan!  As a thought leader in the space you will be a huge asset to the organization!".  I think that person could save themselves some time by calling or texting Dan directly and saying "Bro... You think you can get me in over there.  I think these fuckers at my job are going to put me on a PIP.".  I guess LinkedIn allows a safe space for the true lions of Corporate America, those that can smile though any indignity and ignore the obvious while cheering on blatant stupidity.  Super active people on LinkedIn can find each other and say, "I bring a leadership-first mindset, an enterprise-aligned moral compass, and a relentless passion for transforming executive directives into actionable enthusiasm. My superpower? Knowing when to challenge the status quo—and when the status quo signs my paycheck."  

I can't tell you how happy I am not to be involved in that bullshit.  Embracing reality, no matter how grim, is a much cleaner path.  That's why I am betting on the Tennessee Titans.  Now you might ask yourself why anyone would willingly walk up to the window to hand money over saying, "I'd like to bet on a Robert Salah coached team with Cam Ward at QB please.".  This is a legitimate concern.  The Titans appear to be a clear cut bottom three team in the NFL.  However, every team in the NFL has to win at some point.  Why not today for the Titans?  The Colts defense is terrible, Daniel Jones isn't the same level of effectiveness with limited mobility, and their owner is wandering around the sideline with sparkly jackets and a head set.  This is not an ideal situation.  I suspect the Titans might win outright today, but in light of them consistently staying within one score in their losses, I'm on Tennessee +7.

I jumped on the Browns when they were at +5.5 when it was suspected Lamar was going to play tying them up in a teaser.  Now I did that when Philadelphia was at +1.5 and it was assumed that Jalen Hurts wasn't about to lose his leg to a tragic blood clot.  So now I am out there with all kinds of Eagles exposure with Tanner McKee about to make his first real NFL debut in front of a bunch of pissed off Eagles fans.  I don't know if Tanner McKee is going to be serviceable or not (my guess is "not") because I know as much about Tanner McKee as you do.  I sure as shit don't recall seeing exciting Stanford highlights where some guy was slinging the ball around, so I'm not feeling great about that.  Thus, I am going to have to backwards engineer my way out of that situation and make some uncomfortable choices.

The starting QB situation today is very murky.  I have no idea what that coy zesty fella Caleb is doing in Chicago, so that Bears game is out of consideration.  I certainly can't allow the Jets into my Circle Of Trust, so that's out.  Something about that Texans v Jags game screams out "eel", so I'm out on that.  The Giants v Saints game falls into my "Never bet a game with two shit teams with a mountain of injuries" policy.  Do I really want to get involved with the Arizona Cardinals in any situation, much less against a Rams team that needs a breather but also desperately needs the win?  Who wants any part of the Chargers right now?  They might just have to disband that disaster.  Dammit... I am going to have to bet this Tampa v Pittsburgh game...

I feel like Doyle Lonagan from "The Sting" as I am going to take Tampa +2.5 versus Pittsburgh today.  I just know that after I see a couple Q1 turnovers from future trivia question answer Jalon Daniels and the Bucs fall behind 10-0 I am going to try to crawl through the cage screaming "GIVE ME BACK MAH MONEY!  THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE!!!", but here we are.  My thought is that Pittsburgh sorta sucks and can't score.  They can't run the ball at all, and Tampa has shockingly good metrics for a team that doesn't ever win football games.  Aaron Rodgers always plays like shit in Florida, and when his RPO facades don't have the Tampa defense biting, he will spend the day dumping passes to ineffective running backs and tight ends so he doesn't get hit.  If Tampa doesn't turn the ball over I think they can grind out some ugly ass game where Rodgers is yelling at guys on the sideline and his teammates are all exchanging glances trying to communicate "Why is this guy such a dick?".  I am filled with trepidation but I am doing it.

Current Record:  8-9