Invasive Procedures and NFL Week 12

 

The band has been in a real lull because we have had some "Old Guy Problems" with both Hector and Sugar having to get surgeries and then needing time to recover.  In the back of my head, I thought I was going to be next in line and I was right.  I work out during the week to attempt to maintain my svelte girlish figure as best I can.  I am not the first one to notice this, but why can I kill myself for a month eating lettuce and chicken breast and then immediately gain back any lost weight after three days in France?  Look, I dive in and eat cheese and bakery shit because that's what they do there, but there is something inherently unfair about one croissant undoing two weeks of circuit training and salad.  Regardless, I had been doing my workout thing trying to keep it together and I noticed that my wind was down.  I was doing short runs or weight sled pushes and just be gassed after something that a month ago I'd hardly noticed.  Something was up.

I have this family history of heart issues.  Again, I'm not alone in this.  I'm sure your family has a history of heart issues or cancer since that's what cause 50% of deaths in the United States.  I get these stress tests done every four or five years just to see that everything is operating normally.  There's nothing like walking uphill on a treadmill with a bunch of electrodes attached to you and someone shooting radioactive shit into your arm to make you feel connected to "good health".  I told my doctor what's happening with my exercise fatigue, and then she schedules me for one of these.  I go and take it and I'm thinking "I ain't doing so good here".  Results come back as two lines of email from my doctor.  "There was an abnormality in your stress test.  I'm sending you to cardiology STAT!".  

If you are looking at sending me an email that taps into every dark fear lurking in my brain, that's the one.  I have long assumed with my strong match to my father's genes that my fate is some sort of early cardiac death.  Of all the ways you gotta go, I suppose that's better than most.  I have always leaned heavily towards "shark attack", but it's tough when you're in Ohio to strongly pursue that avenue.  I got a call from the Clinic Cardiology to set up an appt and the pleasant woman on the phone says, "I am calling to set up an office visit for you.  How is March 16th?".  Ummm.  What?  When I see "STAT!" my thought is all those TV medical dramas where Noah Wiley is yelling out shit like "Give him 200ccs of MetaTriLaCane!" not "Hey, can you swing by around St Patrick's Day?".  

I call my doctor back via video call and have a variation of "Hey, what gives?" that probably cost me a $1000.  She then calls someone and I get into see a "Cardiac Interventionist", which is decidedly not someone I normally want to meet with in other circumstances.  That meeting was better than if he had walked into the room, taken off his glasses, and then said "Have a seat.  This is never easy.  But in all my years of medicine, NEVER have I seen a test result as bad as what I have just looked at on your chart.".  Still, I am heading into the Clinic on Tuesday for a "invasive procedure".  I don't like to have my blood pressure taken, so an "invasive procedure" freaks me the fuck out.  I'll lay out the game plan in layman's terms.  They are going to shove this thing up my vein, nose around to see what's happening, and then if they think they can fix it right there, they will.  Now, if they get in there and it's really fucked up, they are going to just wheel me into an operating room and start chopping away.  This is not how I wanted to spend my Tuesday, especially since I was supposed to be in Australia.  

In my head, I don't feel any differently than I did when I was 26.  I'm curious about the world, want to have adventures, and have an ambitious drive.  This is a stark blow across the bow that tells me, "Buddy, you are going to run out of time to do all the things that you want to do."  It's a drag to go over to the Clinic and you see almost everyone coming and going in there is a complete physical disaster.  People can barely fucking walk.  It's got to be a full third of the people in the building have their mouths open the entire day like zombies.  Meanwhile I'm technically a middle aged guy that is sorta keeping it together coming over after his workout and I'm the one heading into surgery?  Fucking genetics man.  I'm standing at this crossroad where I am logically optimistic that this "invasive procedure" (whatever it turns out to be) is going to go OK but at the same time staring right at my mortality while looking at my watch. 

The great news is that I will likely be alive to see the only thing that really matters, Shedeur Sanders first NFL start.  There is this idea that the Browns want Sanders to fail, which is no only stupid but also terrifying.  The Browns are going to make you fail on your own, so thinking about them actively trying to knock your career off the tracks has to be very concerning for Sanders.  Here's what I think about Sanders.  He's not ready to start in the NFL.  He's going to make some mistakes.  That's going to lead to Raiders points.  The Raiders are terrible, but all NFL teams are good if they get the ball on your 20 yard line.  The Browns have won once on the West Coast since 2014.  I just can't see them doing it this week with a green QB that isn't prepared for the speed of NFL starters.  Vegas -2.5 AND Vegas OVER 19.5 points.  

Like myself, Aaron Rodgers looks old and rickety.  Unlike myself, he has to go play the Bears with a broken wrist.  I think the Bears sorta suck but I think the Steelers do too.  I am of the opinion that the Steelers would be better off having Mason Rudolph play QB than Rodgers anyway, much less with Rodgers doing some kind of wounded hero act.  I think he's washed.  Look, it's not like I think the Bears aren't a fraud either.  Detroit and Baltimore killed those guys.  I'm not sure what to make of either team, but if I think these two teams are roughly equal and my choice is an ascending Caleb Williams at home or an old injured Rodgers trying to conjure up old ghosts, I'm taking the Bears.  I feel so strongly on this I might go the other way if it's Rudolph and the line moves past 3.  As of now, I'm Chicago -2.5.

Atlanta is better than the Saints.  Why are they getting 2.5 because Cousins is playing?  I think the Saints went full tank mode after they sat Rattler for Shough.  Rattler was playing pretty well, and Slough is a fucking disaster.  The QBR rankings today go Nix, Jayden Daniels, Rattler, then Flacco.  Rattler is 21st in the league.  Now they're playing Shough as if he's going to be better than 21st in the league and lead them not to draft a QB with the #1 pick.  The Falcons, who have long ago traded their #1 pick, don't have that tank mindset.  I see Cousins, who at this point probably considered a good backup QB, as at the very least an equal to Shough.  Atlanta has lost 5 in a row, but losing three on the road to SF/New England/Indy isn't a smear.  The Saints beating Carolina last week on the road blew my mind.  That was their first cover, much less win, in a month.  I see Atlanta in that sea of teams where a win and a loss is razor thin each week, all those Jacksonville/Carolina/Arizona/Miami/Cincinnati teams you just don't think about too often because they don't matter.  The Saints just suck.  I think Cousins is better than the public perceives.  At least I hope so.  Atlanta +2.5             

Current record:  16-20

    

Bloodied But Not Down... NFL Week 11

 Now that my phone always eavesdrops on my conversations, out of nowhere it started providing me with medicines to repair deep seeded health fears I spoke aloud in conversation with my doctor.  This is increasingly unsettling.  It's especially unsettling when you read the side effects in the small print of these advertised medicines.  "Hmmm... Maybe profuse anal bleeding and open sores on my back aren't THAT bad if I can address my blood pressure creeping up."  Then I got something even worse pop up.  Staring at me on social media, I got served a photo of some woman that for a brief period used to be the General Manager of Channel 5 during my tenure there.  She was recently appointed something like Director of a Conference Center in Foggy Bottom Arkansas or some such shit.  It was a HUGE step down from her old gig in pay and perks, that's for sure.  I stared at the dumpy old lady in the photo, and wondered "How in the hell did that woman exert so much control over my life for a few years?".  

The work thing is crazy.  You can randomly get placed in a situation where some weak minded emotionally stunted person is placed in a position where they can randomly make your life miserable.  I have worked for some certifiable monsters.  Some of them were just "little people" that had never naturally risen to places of prominence in their social circles because they just didn't have any juice.  They had never been entrusted by whatever peer group they are in to pick where to order a pizza much less be the leader, and then suddenly they find an office job with a staff of people kissing their ass to curry favor.  It drives them fucking crazy.  They start to think "Hey, I'm really something now that I am Assistant Regional Manager of District Four", when in fact they are the same dipshits they always were and the "power" they have isn't real.  You get these guys swaggering around an airport like they are Elon Musk because they are the Omaha Region Manager of Target.  In my case, this General Manager of a Top 20 ABC affiliate went from being a Small Time Mussolini transformed into an old fat woman in a dress presumably bossing around four people in a shitty conference center in Foggy Bottom.     

I stared down at that picture and remembered how she would assemble the entire staff and just pontificate, talk complete shit in jargon circles in an attempt to prove to herself how exalted she was in this "important" role.  After one of these meetings where the staff listened to her drone on about herself, a woman I worked with said, "Can you tell me what she meant?  I didn't understand anything she said.  What does Friendraising mean?"  I told my co-worker to chill out.  She didn't really say anything.  It was like having to listen to a Castro speech in the 1970s.

I wondered what her memories are of that time.  I'm sure that she twisted her past into something pleasant as opposed to the reality of her being a monster everyone avoided for fear of a professional execution on a whim.  Her bio at the convention center touts her as having a dazzling array of jargon laden skills.  I found this not to be true.  I found her to be an obstacle to make money for myself and the company because she was fucking crazy.  This one time we had this deal with Ganley Auto come up for renewal.  Tom Ganley used to put money into Crimestoppers because he was terrorized by the mob at some point, and then thought it would be a good idea to back this on air police initiative for the good of the community while also keeping his name front and center.  It was a good idea that worked for everyone.  From the station standpoint, all we had to do was air these :30 units and then put a "Bad Guy" who was wanted up on the news screen once a week.  It was a win/win and easy.  I'm trying to renew this thing, and I'm getting some kind of stall from the GM woman to sign off on it.  I can't move ahead and get the money until she rubber stamps it, but she won't commit.  It makes no sense because we had done it for years, everyone agreed it was "on brand" and she didn't have to do shit.  Still, she's delaying doing anything one way or the other.  This goes on and on and on.  I got the client calling me saying "WTF man?  We doing this or not next year?  If not, your competition will do it."  This woman keeps stalling and I'm losing my mind.  What the fuck is the problem here lady?

This woman is really volatile.  Everyone in the station is afraid to confront her and get an answer because A) they're weak and B) they think if they ask a tough question maybe she will think ill of them and do something irrational like when she wanted to fire the national sales manager when he said on the week of their mutual birthdays "Looks like we are both the same age!  We're getting up there!".  The guy had been there for 15 years doing his job and she wants to clip him for that.  She's that terrifying combination of incompetent and vindictive while trying to hide from everyone she doesn't know what the fuck she is doing.  What happens is she stalls so long, the client takes it somewhere else.  It's the worst case scenario.  The station is out six figures and I'm out something like $20,000 of annual income.  It's a disaster.

THIS is when she decides to call a staff meeting to dig into the situation.  It's pointless.  The train left the station you dumbfuck.  All the department heads are sitting around the table, sort of like a Trump meeting where they all race in to praise her.  Nobody wants to veer into uncomfortable reality of her fucking this thing up.  The meeting starts and she pretends she doesn't know what the status is.  "Ummmm... We lost the buy and it's on another station as of two weeks ago."  This is when she says to me "I want you to set up a meeting with me and Tom Ganley."  Of course I'm thinking, "Well, what's the point of that?  It's done lady.  I fucking told you for weeks what was going to happen and then it happened."  I asked her what she wanted me to say was the pretense of this meeting.  I swear to God, this is what she said.  "Tell him I have a plan.  I just want to get in the room with him and see the whites of his eyes."

What the fuck are you talking about?  I asked her what the plan was so I was clear when I called what was going to be discussed.  "Oh, I have a plan."  Great.  What is it?  "I can't tell you right now because I'd have to kill you."  (No laughs from the grim faced staff). Look, if you don't have a plan, let's at least get one together.  "Oh, I have a plan.  I just can't tell YOU."   The entire table of department heads is sitting there and they are blank faced like they have left their bodies.  There's like ten people sitting there.  No one is stepping in to say shit.  They are pretending they aren't there.  It's just me and the crazy lady at this point.  She repeats "I want to see the whites of his eyes."  Now I could have left it there like those other weasels sitting there leaving me to die, but this is KRAZY.  That's when I say, "Look, it's obvious you don't have a plan, and that's fine, but at least tell me what I'm working with here so when I call over to set up this meeting I can set some reasonable expectations.  As far as he's concerned none of this is an issue and he's moved on.  What is the pretense for this meeting?  I need to have something rational."  She just looked at me and said "Oh, he'll want to meet with ME.  I have something big.  REALLY big."

As you might expect, she didn't have a plan.  She didn't get the money back.  She went and ate lunch with the guy at a steakhouse.  She didn't let me go to the meeting because I was going to see in person that she didn't have a plan and probably never even addressed it.  She tried to blame my manager and I a few weeks later for losing the money.  She eventually got fired from the job when she stayed at the station overnight during what she thought would be a big snowstorm that she wanted to sell to corporate management as her being the Captain at the Wheel during the Blizzard of 78, and padded around the facility in onesy pajamas yelling at the Late News crew.  It snowed a quarter inch out East, and her fragile mental health got exposed.  The news director ratted her out to Corporate I think.  She disappeared a few weeks later and a guy from Corporate came in and sheepishly admitted that maybe she needed some help.  Now, all these years later, there she was on my fucking phone.  How on Earth did I allow that piece of shit have that much control over my life?  I can tell you right now, there's some small staff in Foggy Bottom picking over some leftover doughnuts by some stale coffee that's already come to the conclusion that she is mentally ill.     

That's the randomness in life.  It just as easily could have been me making her miserable, but instead it was me trying to figure out what "seeing the whites of his eyes" could have meant when selling TV ads.  It's got to be the same way for these NFL QBs when they get drafted.  It's the random turn of a card.  One guy becomes a Bronco with Sean Peyton.  The other becomes a Jet.  Sam Darnold becomes a Jet and is totally fucked.  Can you imagine the culture shock from being The Man at USC to suddenly finding yourself a Jet?  He leaves there shattered, has a bad stint at Carolina, and finally makes his way to Minnesota and becomes a franchise QB.  Darnold's old coach Adam Gase from the Jets got fired after trashing the team and is out of the NFL.  Hell, I could have gone in and taken the Jets to a 2-14 record but at least I wouldn't have been an asshole like Gase.  The worm has turned now.  It turns out Darnold was worth one of the first picks in the draft.  Gase might be at a competing Conference Center from my old GM.  Give me Seattle +3.5 against the Rams.  This should be a great game.  Somebody wins this by one score I think.  I'll take the points.     

The wind is howling in NE Ohio today.  Dare I say "the gales of November came early".  I remember when the Browns drafted Dillon Gabriel, there was an interview clip that got played of how the Hawaiian QB doesn't like playing in bad weather.  Who else but the Browns would then think "we gotta get that guy?".  How can the Browns beat a good team with Gabriel at QB in the wind?  Baltimore is trending the right direction and it seems a foregone conclusion that they are going to win the AFC North with Lamar back on the field.  Sure...  The Browns defense is good at home, they know how to play Lamar, but how do the Browns score?  Seriously... How do they move the ball consistently?  Dillon Gabriel is Connor Shaw is Charlie Frye is Ty Detmer is Cody Kessler.  The Ravens need this game and the Browns know the season is over.  This game will be ugly and no one cares in the near empty stands.  I might bet the under Gabriel passing yards too if it's really windy at kickoff.  Baltimore -7.5

I got burned last week when Tennessee got a pick 6 and a punt return TD to cover.  They aren't doing that two weeks in a row.  That franchise is a great example of what happens when the kids think they are smarter than the Old Man that made the money that bought the team.  They get control of the team, fire Vrabel who immediately makes the Patriots a Super Bowl contender.  They hire Callahan's kid that doesn't know what the fuck he is doing and the team goes down the shitter.  Tennessee is EASILY the worst team in the league.  Look, I don't think Houston is any good either but they're better than Tennessee.  It's odd to be giving almost a touchdown on the road with Davis Mills, but here we are folks.  Houston -5.5.

Buffalo probably isn't very good, but they just got embarrassed last week by the Dolphins.  The Dolphins poured it on so bad that their coach drove by a Bills bar in Miami just to troll them.  Fuck.  That's bad.  Tampa was a nice story early but they are decimated by injuries.  Another key point is their quality of wins.  Tampa has beaten one good team this year, Seattle.  Good win.  They lost to New England, Detroit, and Philadelphia.  They beat the Saints, Niners and Jets.  I think Buffalo at home after a bad loss is more like NE/Det/Philly than they are Saints/Jets/Niners.  Buffalo money line.

OK, I've been scuffling.  Here's where I'm at on Sundays...

Current Record; 14-18

Welfare Mothers and NFL Week 10

 

I was reading this morning how our current administration, after being ruled that they had to release SNAP benefits to program participants, then went and appealed the decision.  The legal system being the legal system then put a hold on everything and wanted to hear further arguments.  I'll be honest, I don't know that much about the SNAP program beyond that it's the "food stamps" of today.  I grew up in what some would call a stereotypical suburban household.  A friend of mine from France was walking around my current neighborhood last weekend and started laughing.  "This is so funny.  It looks like an American movie." Around him was a Dad raking leaves, a couple that passed by on bikes, a couple kids tossing a football in front of enormous (by European standard) houses.  It's how I grew up, so it didn't seem weird.  From this perspective I grew up hearing a chorus around me about "welfare mothers rigging up the system for free food so they don't have to work".  Everyone in our community was of a common mind that "they" were leaching off the system.  Now, we didn't personally know anyone that was a "they", but it was assumed it was the black people that lived in the downtown bad neighborhoods of Erie.  Cut to one of my friend's mothers telling us, "You aren't driving in downtown Erie, are you?  It's DANGEROUS."  (That meant black people lived nearby.). It ain't easy living in The Bubble with dangers lurking everywhere.

It's very easy to be pissed off at people you didn't know living off the state when you were working hard to make the money to keep yourself fed.  Well, you weren't, but your Dad was doing whatever the hell he did at his company to keep food on the table and by extension, that was YOUR hard earned money.  Right?  Well, that was the attitude at my school.  Everyone was a self assured Charlie Kirk type with all the black and white answers.  Fucking poor people were poor because they were lazy and now they take MY (my Dad's) tax money for a free ride?  Fucking bullshit man.  It gets hammered into you out in the Burbs.

As you get more experienced in life, travel a bit, and meet people out of your bubble it begins to dawn on you.  Hey, maybe that kid Darryl from school, who lived in that beat up house by the water treatment plant with his sick Mom wasn't up front with us when he said he didn't want to go on the class DC trip.  Maybe Darryl didn't have the money to go.  He seemed to have some deal at the school cafeteria we didn't know about too.  I never remember seeing him pay at the register.  In retrospect, maybe Darryl's Mom was getting food stamps, and he's a good dude.  So...  OK I guess I don't have a problem with Darryl getting food stamps because his Mom can't work.  She is sick as shit.  Yeah... I guess it's OK if he gets them.  It's not like he's living like a King over there.  What, are we gonna let him starve?  I don't know those other people though.  They're probably ripping us off... or maybe there are more people in a bad spot like Darryl?  

I looked at those SNAP demographics.  39% of the people on the program are children.  88% of them are households with kids, disabled or elderly persons.  Our current government not only stopped giving these people food, but when a judge said "OK Government, you have to give those people their food", they went back to court and said "Yeah but we don't want to because we think we can pressure the other guys that don't want us to cut these same people's health care into signing that deal that gives rich people a little bit more tax money back".  And it's not like the money to feed everyone isn't just there.  That's not even the issue.  We are the richest country in the history of civilization and we are going to allow people to go hungry.  Our nation is willingly stopping kids, sick and elderly people from eating just to see their food used as a bargaining chip to cut a tiny minority's taxes that don't need it.  It's obscene.

As I munch on a bowl of granola and drink an espresso, t's not like I'm solving the problem by delivering food to sick people.  I'm "part of the problem adjacent".  I'm nestled into my spot of being in the one third of the population watching the other third gleefully inflict pain on the final third.  We all have our part to play I guess.  It's hard not to feel powerless as these types of injustice get rolled out.  What is it exactly that I can do about it?  Maybe I'll "take to the streets" later.  If I take my dogs, does it still count as "taking to the streets", or did I just take the bassets for a walk?  I don't know.  I guess I'd probably need to have a sign, but I'm not that craftsy so maybe I'll just watch these NFL Week 10 games instead.  Sorry kid without food.  I'm rooting for you but I don't know what to do about it.

Man, I got an assbeating last week.  I was way off on a couple of those.  Now I'm a little gun shy, but let's get back on the horse and get back to.500.  I do have a pick that I absolutely love this week.  The New York Jets.  Wait!  Hear me out on this!  The national narrative is that the Jets are dead in the water.  They traded shutdown corner Sauce Gardiner and that foundational D tackle for a boatload of draft picks (which they will presumably bungle).  The team is gutted and they have no chance.  To me, that's all New York myopic media shit.  Who are the Cleveland Browns to be favored on the road against ANYBODY?  Since the Browns decided to see "what they've got" with Dillon Gabriel, the Browns have the worst offense in football by a mile.  They make the Titans look dangerous.  Let's be realistic here.  The Jets don't have Gardiner, who Pro Football Focus has rated out as an average cornerback over the last two years.  Who cares?  The Browns can't get the ball to the receivers anyway.  Gabriel exclusively throws the ball in the middle to the tight ends, dump passes to the side, and has shown zero ability to throw downfield.  The Jets lose a D tackle?  Who cares.  The Browns problem comes from the edges because they don't have decent tackles.  The Jets defense is more than enough to stack the box versus the run and play everything in front of them like everyone else has done.  The Browns can't move the ball on anyone.

"Yeah, but Justin Fields sucks."  Yes, he does.  Fields has the 29th place QBR this year at 38.  That's not great.  But compare that to Dillon Gabriel and his 26 rating placing him 31st in the league.  So you are telling me that the Browns with the worst offense in the NFL since Gabriel started are going on the road and getting a win?  With a defense that gives up 30 per game on the road?  No way.  The Browns last covered a game on the road on October 13, 2024.  This line is an overreaction.  In a battle of "who sucks worse?", that answer is always the Browns.  Jets +2

Quarterbacks are divided into "win with" and "win because of" players.  That piece of shit JJ McCarthy that somehow put a good game up last week appears to be a "win with" guy.  You know, he's the kid at the pizza place that you let close up because you trust him just enough not to burn the place down, but you aren't having him handle peak Friday night rush.  Lamar Jackson is a "win because of" player.  That guy is really good at football.  He takes the Ravens from being a losing team into a winning team, and suddenly Jim Harbaugh becomes a good coach again.  I think I'd be a good coach if I had Lamar.  Between you and me though, that Ravens defense really blows.  I think the Ravens going to Minnesota is going to be all about Lamar pulling a rabbit out of the hat late.  I'm a little uneasy about betting against Lamar in the regular season, and I hate betting on NFC teams that have never faced him before, but I think this line is out of whack.  Lamar coming back doesn't fix everything.  Minnesota is a tough place to play. I'm on the Vikings +4.5.   

The Saints were bad with Spencer Rattler.  My biggest bet of the year was Saints under 7.5 wins when it seemed like Carr was maybe done.  The fact they somehow got worse by putting Tyler Slough in at QB is remarkable.  With the exception of that weird Buffalo game, the Saints are bad on the road and worse outdoors.  They like a nice smooth indoor track to play in.  I'm not sure if Carolina is any good compared to real teams, but they are better than the Saints.  The spread has me concerned because the public is on Carolina, so I'm going Carolina money line at home. 

Current record:  13-16

 

Halloween Parade and NFL Week 8

 

I was talking to a woman today exchanging small talk and pleasantries.  I asked how her kids were doing.  She has two young kids, like 7 and 10 I'd guess.  There is NOTHING a mom likes to tell you more than how wonderful her kids are doing.  Sooner or later I will ask this polite question and someone will answer, "Well not too good actually what with Billy's learning disability and Kathy's blossoming experimentation with bath salts", but I've dodged that bullet so far.  We all have our part to play, and she held up her end of the deal and said "They're doing good!".  I asked her what they were going to do for Halloween, and then she told me, "We don't celebrate that because of our church."  Ohhhh.  I stepped in it.

When I was a kid I remember we had a couple kids in my grade who were either Jehova or Christian Scientists or whatever the fuck crackpot shit their parents had forced on them.  In second grade we had this big Halloween parade where all the kids were supposed to bring their costumes.  The plan was that we'd march around the playground area, and then back to our classrooms for an orgy of cupcakes and Kool Aid.  It was, perhaps, the second most anticipated day of the year next to Christmas.  The days leading up to it were filled with speculation, costume boasts, and nervous prep work at home to put on a good showing.  This was essentially Prom for a 7 year old.  It was EVERYTHING.

The classwork that day was similar to when you go to work on the day before Thanksgiving.  Nobody gave a shit about anything.  Let's just color our maps Mrs. Jewel and get the fucking show on the road.  The clock sluggishly refused to move.  Everyone had their costume in a bag under their desk.  Slowly but surely, showtime had almost arrived.  An announcement came over the school PA system.  "Charles and Mary, please report to the Brown Activity area in the basement.  Charles and Mary..."  As they stood up to gather their things, the rest of us shot stunned glances around the room.  What in the actual FUCK was going on?  Charles and Mary were going to miss this?  And on top of it, they seemed totally calm and matter of fact about it.  How were they not freaking out?  This was like missing the Super Bowl and a Beatles concert and Friday Pizza Night all at once.

There was this kid, Big Tooth, who spoke up.  I swear to God, everyone called him Big Tooth, even the teacher.  "Mrs. Jewel?  Where are they going?  How come they aren't going to to party with the rest of us?"  Well Big Tooth, Charles and Mary's parents choose not to celebrate Halloween so they are going to the Brown Activity Room next to the furnace to do other things.  None of us could wrap our minds around it.  However, as soon as that initial rush passed we put out costumes on and got jacked up.  Fuck Charles and Mary.

I still remember being in the parade with my lame ass store bought costume, you know those ones with the smock that tied in the back with a plastic mask?  I have no clue what I was but I knew I sucked.  Other kids with craftsy Moms were walking around in full suits of armor like knights of the round table and I was something like Paul Lynde.  As we marched around I remember seeing Charles looking through a window sadly at all of us.  I thought it sucked at the time and I think it sucks now that that kid's family couldn't chill the fuck out and let him have fun and contextualize that your kids aren't dabbling in paganism and the occult playing dress up.  If you write out a list of pros and cons of organized religion, it's tough to come up with a winning tally on the "Pro Religion" side.  It's 50 years later and I still see Charles's hangdog face in my mind.  

When I discovered the woman I was speaking with was Pentecostal and wouldn't let her kids do the Halloween thing, I resisted the urge to tell her the Charles and Mary story.  I certainly didn't think about bringing up this week's NFL card, which has some games of interest.  "Hey, so with you not making your kids Halloween costumes this week, did that give you extra time to break down any of these games?".  My guess is the answer was "no".  Probably not a lot of good sports gambling advice from her church community.  Thus, it was all on me again this week.

I don't have a lot of amazing analysis on the big Kansas City v Buffalo game except this.  Kansas City appears to be the best team in the league at the moment after getting their skill position guys back from injury.  Buffalo appears to be coasting on reputation alone.  What's their best win?  That game they pulled out over that dodgy looking Baltimore team?  They just lost to Atlanta a couple weeks ago for God's sake.  KC has won 5 of their last 6 and have allowed seven points across the last two weeks.  I think Kansas City is good and Buffalo is just a little better than average.  I'll take Kansas City -1.5.

As I had noted earlier, the band is on a bit of a hiatus with Hector rehabbing a shoulder injury.  He had torn his labrum with the period before the surgery itself being spent trying to manage the pain that impacted his ability to sleep and generally function.  Carson Wentz tore his left labrum the first weekend of October and then played 2.5 games of NFL football at QB.  Oh, he also had dislocated his shoulder and broken the bone socket when he took that injury.  I cannot imagine how tough that must have been to play through and how much it must have impacted his play.  I note that for the simple reason that the Vikings thought running Wentz out there for a month with that injury was a better option than to play JJ McCarthy after his ankle injury on Sept 14th.  I have a sneaking suspicion that the Vikings have concluded that McCarthy sorta sucks and they think that Wentz could have been their new Sam Darnold.  Now they have no other choice.  What NFL QB is out for five weeks with an ankle sprain?  Mahomes played on the worst ankle sprain of all time for a month.  McCarthy has to really suck.  With Goff 8-0 v Minnesota lifetime as a Lion, I'm on Detroit -8.5.  I'm also going to tie Detroit into a teaser with the Chargers.   

Tennessee is 0-11 ATS at home.  This stupid NFL gambling is set up so all teams go .500 against the spread and somehow the Titans are 0-11.  The Titans are 1-6 ATS in their last 7.  They've allowed more than 30 points four times this year.  They've scored more than 20 points once.  The Titans are fucking terrible.  The one thing that is consistent with those Harbaugh boys is they like to pour it on shitty teams.  Normally I don't like betting West Coast teams playing on EST games, but I'll make an exception for the Titans.  Maybe the Chargers aren't as sharp as normal, but they get the win here.  Chargers -9.5 and Chargers -3.5/Detroit -2.5 teaser 

Current Record:  13-13

The Great Shark Dive and NFL Week 8

 

It's going to be a quiet public facing Fall here at Whiskey Daredevil/Cowslinger HQ.  It appears we have now reached the stage of the band where we have gone from "Grizzled Road Dogs" to "Rickety Fuckers" as both Hector and Sugar are on the IR rehabbing.  I'm not casting aspersions here as it could have just as easily (and will probably) be me soon enough.  Hector tore his labrum and needed surgery, so he's sort of like a relief pitcher trying to get ready for Spring Training right now.  Sugar, after a life dedicated to both playing bass and surfing spreadsheets, has to get carpal tunnel surgery.  This means the gig calendar is empty until Spring 2026.  

I don't do well with an empty calendar, so I have immediately filled it with a couple of quests.  Since Hector can't play guitar for awhile, I'm going to write some songs with Bobby.  Hector and I had worked out about a half album's worth of new material before his shoulder blew, so I'm thinking of writing six good songs with Bobby to make a weird LP.  One side will be a new Whiskey Daredevils LP.  You flip the LP over and it will be a new Cowslingers LP.  All I need now is to have six good ideas over the next 75 days.  How hard can it be?  We've made something like 26 records, so how challenging can it be to make a new one?  I guess we'll find out.  

The other thing I decided to do was finally commit to my ultimate shark dive.  Of all the things I've done scuba diving, my favorites have been diving with sharks.  Blame me being an impressionable child when I saw the movie "Jaws", but I have always wanted to see a great white shark.  I talked to a guy that was surfing and saw one swim underneath him once just north of San Francisco, but that's the closest I've ever been.  He said it was as wide across as a VW microbus.  Therefore, since I have all this suddenly free time, I am going to go to Port Lincoln Australia and go dive with a great white shark.  It's pretty much the scariest thing I can think of to do, and much more interesting than taking up gardening.  

I have to go to Australia anyway as my neverending Master of Wine quest provided an opportunity (excuse?) to go to the annual seminar in Adelaide AU.  I have never been to Australia but always wanted to go for 1) the shark and 2) to see what Barossa looks like.  I don't think I had noted on this platform that my Big Wine Exam I took last June resulted in me failing most of it and passing some of it.  Now while that sounds like a disaster, it really isn't.  Most people don't pass anything in it, so it shows that I can pass it.  Now I'm not saying I will pass it, but I am going to try my best.  I've got about 18 coravined bottles of tannic red going on my counter and an essay on brettanomyces on my laptop if you're interested.  Swing on by next week and read my volatile acidity essay if you want some real action!  The slog continues.  The good news is that if I finally do pass this thing I will be so sick of wine and almost everyone in the industry that I will leap out of it to see if I can pass the Ohio Bar Exam for kicks.

That leaves my focus on NFL gambling.  As noted a couple weeks ago I remained convinced that my handicaps were good but the results were flukey.  I have gone 8-1 in the last three weeks, so I think I'm on the right track.  I don't love the card as much this week as I have the last two, but I have some opinions on a couple of the games.  Let's start with my nemesis, the Cleveland Browns.  It's amazing how fast people's opinions will change week to week in the NFL.  Browns fans were ready to have Kevin Stefanski drawn and quartered on the Lakefront after that Vikings game.  I wouldn't have joined the angry mob to do that, but I will admit to being curious enough to watch the execution just to see what it was like.  Now the Browns are coming off beating a really horrible Dolphins team in the rain, and suddenly the fan base is talking Wild Card Playoff run.  Let's be reasonable here.  The Dolphins are fucking terrible.  Their coach is clearly back on something.  Tua without Hill looks like Dillon Gabriel and they owe the guy $50M a year.  Miami is bottom three, and their weaknesses play right to the Browns strengths of being able to run.  Now they are going to Foxboro.

The last time the Browns won a game in Foxboro was in 1992.  Mike Tomczak was the Browns starting QB.  I had just broken up with a girl that had a pistol fall out of her purse onto the floor of the Symposium when she had reached for her drink.  It was a time of limitless possibilities!  The Patriots are a team on the upswing with a real coach (Vrabel) and a real QB (Maye).  They haven't played a home game in 28 days.  The fans are going to be jacked.  You're telling me the Browns are going to go in there and beat those guys?  How... By throwing bubble screens and running between the tackles?  Look, I know that's what they are going to try to do, so I have to believe the Patriots know that too.  Just because the Browns beat Miami last week, they didn't suddenly become good.  Look for the Browns defense to be disappointing on the road.  I'm getting at this two ways.  New England money line and New England team total OVER 23.5    

God help me, I'm thinking about taking the Jets this week.  There is no better team to buy low on than the Jets.  Their coach Aaron Glenn is clearly in over his head.  Why the Jets figured that hiring the offensive minded Lions defensive coordinator was the golden road to victory says a lot about the Jets as an organization.  They spent $20M on Justin Fields, a guy the Steelers let walk away when they had ZERO people in their QB room.  This shows you the difference between a winning organization and a losing one.  The Steelers said, "We don't have anyone to play the position, but we would rather hope we sign crusty old Aaron Rodgers than try to win with Fields.  You want 'em?  Be our guest!".  Shockingly Fields has shown he can't go through progressions and therefore can't win football games.  Meanwhile Cincinnati is POSITIVE all their problems are solved because they won on a short week at home on a TH with Joe Flacco at QB.  Look, I have seen A LOT of Joe Flacco.  I am telling you here and now, he's like a guy throwing dice at a craps table in the Motor City Casino.  He might have a hot streak, but he's going to crap out if you let him keep throwing those dice.  My caveat on this game is this...  If Tyrod Taylor starts, I am betting Jets +6.5.  If it's Fields, I'm walking away from the whole thing.   I tossed around the idea of making a Jets teaser with Jets +12.5 and either Atlanta -1.5 or Washington +19, but it's too hard to trust the fucking Jets.

I took a couple totals as I'm not wild about the sides this week.  I went OVER 49.5 in the Baltimore v Chicago game.  Lamar is back and the Ravens defense blows.  How's that for a handicap?  There is no need to complicate things on that one.  Totals have been a little too low this year in general as The Public hasn't noticed how the new kickoff rules has created better field position for teams and therefore more scoring opportunities.  I don't love Williams but Baltimore hasn't reliably stopped anyone all year.  Let's see some points in Baltimore.  (This just in.  Baltimore bullshitted on Lamar's practice status and he's out this week, thus... I'm OUT)  For the same reason I'm taking Atlanta team total OVER 26.5.  I would take the entire game over, but I'm worried that the freebasing Miami coach and the noodle arm QB won't be able to hold up their end of the bargain.  Miami is in free fall, and Atlanta is quietly becoming a "better than average" NFL team.  The Dolphins just might quit entirely this game.   I see Atlanta scoring at will at home on the turf.

Current record:  11-12

A Ruse and NFL Week 7

 

Last week an Ohio Representative's staffer went on a zoom call with a Nazi/American flag mashup pinned to his bulletin board behind him.  This being something one doesn't expect to see being projected from an elected official's office, it garnered some attention.  To me, the most interesting thing about this incident isn't that a Congressman's office has an American Nazi flag on display in their office (which is certainly eye opening) but the ham handed public relations handling of this afterwards.  To those of you unaware of this story, let me bring you up to speed...

Rep. Dave Taylor is from one of those gerrymandered districts east of Cincinnati, made up of Pickaway, Ross, Hocking, Pike, Scioto, Jackson, Meigs, Vinton, Gallia, Lawrence, Clinton, Highland, Brown, Adams and Clermont counties and the southern part of Fayette County.  This is what we refer to as the "I hope my car doesn't break down here" part of Ohio.  His platform appears to be based on the boilerplate "we gotta be tough on crime so let's all have guns/I love me some Jesus/MAGA greatest hits" parroting party line stuff.  His campaign photo was of him being a hard ass holding an assault rifle.  While you might be led to believe that Dave must be some kind of green beret, it looks like Dave took over his Dad's cement company and went to school at Dayton.  We aren't talking Kennedy Dynasty stuff here.

The guy in the photo above is Dave's worker bee Angelo Elia.  Angelo is a legislative correspondent, which means he is a go-between from the office and the public/press.  He got a poly sci degree from Youngstown State and just got a master's degree from George Washington in Legislative Affairs.  He had worked for a bunch of Democratic based initiatives while in school, and then some political consultant firms before somehow hooking up with Dave Taylor's office.  I read some quotes from his former co-workers along the lines of "I don't know what happened to Angelo that made him turn into a Nazi".  It probably paid more.  Now, I don't think Angelo is a Nazi.  I think Angelo is a dumb fuck.  I think he put that flag on his bulletin board as some kind of ironic gag and forgot about it.  The problem is you're at work as the face of Representative Dave Taylor, so all the people you interact with on Zoom might not get "the joke" and might think "Why does Rep Dave Taylor have American Nazi stuff up in his office?", which is a valid question.  I would probably not hire Angelo Elia in this kind of position in the future because I'd be a bit concerned about Angelo's judgement.  I see Angelo as more of a "back of house guy" moving forward.

I used to think that I could say "I think we can all agree that having a Nazi/American flag up in the office is fucking crazy", but in today's climate I think I can say "Most of us agree that having Nazi shit up in your office is super fucked up".  I don't know where you work, but if I put up Nazi stuff in my cubicle, I would have expected some blowback from HR.  This is because organizations like the Klan, the Nazi Party, Proud Boys, etc were understood to be hate fueled monsters and everyone was together with the idea that you can't walk around the office in an SS uniform.  The country has now somehow transitioned into mild acceptance of these groups. Some of our neighbors might say "Well, I don't agree with EVERYTHING they say, but they do have a point with blah blah blah" which I find both terrifying and sad.  "Say what you will about Mussolini, but at least the trains ran on time!" 

After this Nazi flag thing blew up, my expectation was that Dave Taylor would handle this in a professional manner.  It's not tough.  There is a tried and true strategy out there.  Here's what I would do.  "I was shocked to see that symbol displayed in our office.  That has nothing to do with the beliefs of my office or the people I represent in Ohio.  I want to assure all Ohio residents that we take this violation of your trust seriously and we have taken appropriate action.  I have removed the staffer from his position, and we will move ahead focused on the needs of all Ohio citizens.  Go Bucks.  OH-IO.  Etc.".  I'd do the press conference in an Ohio State sweatshirt and maybe mention Jesus.

That's not what Dave did.

That office huddled all day and came out with the idea that they would "launch an investigation".  They said that they called in the DC police and the House Committee on Something Or Other to "uncover additional details".  That must have been a real puzzle to figure out what happened.  To try and get to the bottom of something like that needed real manpower.  "Angelo, did you have that flag on your bulletin board?"  Yes.  "Where did you get it?"  Someone mailed it to our office.  "I see.  What did you do?"  Hung it up in my cubicle.  

His office then takes another day, undoubtedly meeting for hours behind closed doors with phone calls flying all over the place, and comes out with this.  “Numerous Republican offices have confirmed that they were targeted by an unidentified group or individual who distributed American flags bearing a similar symbol, which were initially indistinguishable from an ordinary American flag to the naked eye,” he said. “My office was among those that were subjected to this ruse.”  To be clear, Dave Taylor walked out at a press conference and suggested that no one in the office saw a swastika on that flag because it was "an optical illusion", and not only was Angelo unaware of the swastika but so were all of the other people in the office.  His office was, in fact, the victim in this situation.

Oh, I see...  You expect us to suspend all logic to give you a pass on this.  We have to pretend to be stupid so you don't have to say "That was wrong".  To be clear, Rep. Dave Taylor is more concerned about upsetting the white power crowd by distancing his Congressional office from being fucking Nazis than taking a stand against the folks that brought you the Holocaust and were our enemies in World War II.  Got it. 

This brings many troubling concepts to the table.  1.  An Ohio Congressman's office doesn't think it's a big deal to display Nazi imagery in their workspace.  I get it that maybe Angelo is the office fun guy, and people in the office might be like "Oh, that Angelo is a crazy fucker!  Anything for a laugh!", but his SEC Frat Bro haircut and Establishment clothes point directly to the idea that he is a career minded young man.  Clearly that office doesn't see anything that bad with Nazi shit and this follows that Angelo didn't see any real problem advancing his career while allowing people to come to their own conclusions on his association with the beliefs of Nazism.  "He's a good kid.  He's our kind of people!"  

2.  That response from their office of "we didn't even notice a Nazi symbol because it's such a mind bending illusion" is the dumbest fucking response I can think of, and points directly to that office being not up to the task.  If a serious real world problem comes up, do you want the people that came up with "we were the victims of a ruse" to be the ones on the front line to handle that?  "We might have to deploy troops, but if we do we aren't sure what China could do, so World War 3 will start and tens of millions will die".  Well, we better ask Dave Taylor what to do.  Dave Taylor knows how to handle shit! 

3.  The Cincinnati Enquirer then re-printed that response while never questioning the validity of the world's dumbest answer effectively cooling down the fire on Taylor's ass in his district.  The local press, again failing to hold anyone to account, took a press release and framed it up as their investigative journalism of "we looked into it, and it's a helluva thing" which will lead God knows how many people to conclude that poor old Cement Dave was the victim of a terrible "ruse" at the hands of some nefarious group of anti-Americans that most likely speak Spanish and deal drugs to kids.  Way to go Cincinnati Enquirer.  Way to hold power to task.  Great job.  

Is this story the end of the world?  No, but it does show you how comfortable people in power are not hiding their idolization of fascism, white power, racial cleansing, and police state rule.  The mainstreaming of values and ideas that were agreed by the previous generations as being reprehensible is something I didn't see coming.  This is the country we live in now.  When history looks back after this falls apart, and it will fall apart, we will all be The Bad Guys in that movie.  For all of those people that abandoned common decency because they thought they could get cheaper eggs by voting in the current government, enjoy your omelettes.  They are going to cost you more than you bargained for.

Fuck this.  Let's talk NFL...

I think, but I don't know for sure, that the Rams might be good.  They are 4-2 with a division loss to SF before the rest of the Niners got hurt and a loss to the Eagles that was sheer dumb bad luck.  They are playing Jacksonville in London on Sunday morning, a game that usually becomes more about which organization can be trusted to deal with the short prep window.  The Rams appear to be down Nacua, but he's one of those "shoot me up, I'll play" guys so we will see.  The Jags are down the AFC Player of the Month in Sept, their LB Devin Lloyd, which is a big loss.  I think the Rams feed the ball to their tight ends and run like crazy.  Until proven otherwise, I can't back the Jags against an elite team.  Rams -3              

I can't believe I am typing this, but I think the Colts are good.  They look like the team you get each season that's good but it takes awhile for most people to wrap their heads around it.  They have a Top 5 defense and the best running game in the league.  I think we will look back on this in a couple months and say "Can you believe the Colts got points playing the Chargers?".  The Chargers are down both of their offensive tackles, a guard, starting RB, and starting receiver.  The Colts are catching these guys are the right time.  Indianapolis +1.5

Gimme the Lions -6 at home.  Tampa has been great this year, pulling games out of their ass on the way to a 5-1 record.  Egbuka, Godwin, the starting right tackle and guard, and RB Bucky Irving are all out though.  Next man up is all fine, but that's more "next MEN up".  Tampa looks like an exciting playoff level team, but you're gonna lose a few games in a season and at Detroit after the Lions got hammered by the Chiefs on MNF seems like a good place to lose.  I like the Lions in a track meet.

Current record:  8-12

   

Bad Bunny and NFL Week 6.

 

I am getting absolutely pummeled by extreme political viewpoints, right and left, because I will look at various passionate takes about what is going on in the country.  It's really tiring to wake up each day to face whatever new EMERGENCY that the algorithm has created for me each morning.  Can I be frank about something?  Almost everyone is a fucking idiot.  I can't figure out if the various TV hosts, podcasters and plastic surgery disasters that are the front people for the Shit Show in DC believe what they say or not.  Take the political theater going on where the National Guard is being sent into situations that aren't a problem the National Guard can fix.  The obvious takeaway is that the inept Christian Nationalist Grifters in Washington are hoping to provoke some kind of event so they can send in more troops everywhere and presumably bully themselves into everlasting power and teet sucking with never ending martial law.  I mean... that's not going to work because the population is so disengaged that unless you start shooting people or fucking with rush hour traffic, no one cares.  Meanwhile, the Far Left, who are as organized as a Phish drum circle, like to talk about having a bunch of big protests and doing... something... about... something... BUT as long as everyone gets their streaming service to their phone, nobody gives a fuck.  Hillbillies in their play army ICE getup zip tie citizens all over the place, Trump can sell watxhes from the Oval Office, the Epstein Files can just sit there, and the government can shut down because rich people want more tax money instead of allowing sick people healthcare.  The major concern appears to be Bad Bunny at the Super Bowl.  

A quick note about Bad Bunny at the Super Bowl...  I do not understand how the people that are upset about Bad Bunny doing the Super Bowl halftime don't see themselves as an updated version of people shaking their fists at those damn hippies at Woodstock or quaking in fear as the Sex Pistols came off the plane to tour the United States.  How can you be unaware of how out of touch and ridiculous you look demanding "real music" like Lee Greenwood at the Super Bowl?  When I see Speaker Mike Johnson, the squarest motherfucker of the 2020s, pipe in with what he thinks should be the band at halftime, I know the nation has lost touch with any lesson of the past.  Look, I have no idea what Bad Bunny exactly sounds like, but I do know A LOT of people like him and the Super Bowl is MASS ENTERTAINMENT.  Someone is always going to be pissed at whoever is chosen to perform.  Just settle the fuck down and check the guy out. Maybe you'll like it.  You probably won't, but it won't kill you either way.  It's 20 minutes of your life while you're chowing down on wings losing your parlay.  I do know one thing for certain, which is I'm not giving Mike Johnson control of the music at any party.  Fucking dork.    

Let's move onto important subjects, the continued struggle of the NFL.  It has been VERY frustrating to be essentially on the mark with the handicap and still lose.  That Arizona loss to Tennessee was 99.9% an Arizona victory with 3 minutes left according to people that track these things.  The last "least likely" games to have come up loser like that were two weeks ago, the CLE/GB and Rams/PHIL games, all three of which I was on the wrong side of.  I need to trust the process and plod ahead.  Let's get to it...

I have never seen a spot like the Browns playing the Steelers this week.  The Browns are coming off a short week with jet lag to go play a road game.  The Steelers are coming off a bye.  How did the NFL do that to the Browns?  Making matters worse, this will be Dillon Gabriel's first real road start.  The last Browns QB to win a regular season game in Pittsburgh was Tim Couch.  That is not a misprint.  They have lost 18 games in a row.  Eighteen.  Mike Tomlin is also 18-4 versus rookie QBs ATS at home in Pittsburgh.  The Browns traded their Game 1 starting QB in division, and traded CB Greg Newsome, a former first rounder for contractual reasons.  Now there is a QB controversy between a shitty 3rd round draft pick and shitty 5th round draft pick. There are still three starting O linemen out.  The white flag waving in the first week of October is early, even for Cleveland.  How the fuck are the Browns going to win this game?  Pittsburgh money line. 

OK, this makes me uneasy but I'm on the Dolphins.  Hear me out on this.  This has to be the low market on the Dolphins.  They look inept.  The coach seems like he relapsed or something.  Remember a couple years ago when he was quirky and a genius, and now he just seems like a little fella in way over his head that needs help?  The Chargers are still horribly injured.  They have both tackles out, their starting running back gone for the season, and dinged up guys all over the defense.  Are the Chargers "better" than the Dolphins?  Probably.  Are they "better" than the Dolphins right now?  I don't think so.  It's a West Coast team flying to Miami for a 1pm kickoff to roast in the sun.  Miami +4.5 is just too many points.   

This feels really square but I am getting on New England over the Saints.  The Patriots are getting better each week.  Meanwhile the Saints look like they might be better than expected after beating the Giants, but to those of you that didn't watch that game (i.e. EVERYONE), the only reason they won was the Giants turned the ball over five times in a row to start the second half.  The Saints are terrible and the only way they can win is if the team they are playing turns it over deep three+ times.  I think the Patriots grind out a businesslike win here and keep their Wild Card dreams alive.  New England -3.

Season Record:  5-12